Ok i need some advice?

Question

if my dad refuses to see my newborn unless my husband isnt in the room then should i just not allow him to see Ella? ok well i first got pregnant at 16. my dad got really mad and he wouldnt let me out the house and he wouldnt let me see matt for my whole pregnancy(my then boyfriend, now husband). Matt wasnt even there for the birth of our son because my dad wouldnt let me call him. he was really angry at Matt even though i kept trying to tell him it was my fault too. anyway, Matt and I got married about 9 months ago,and my step mom had to practically drag my dad to the wedding. i just had a baby girl today. My dad and step mom came over to see us, and my step mom came in to see my baby, but my dad refused to do so if matt was in the room. I love my dad and I love Matt, and i just want them to get along. Ethan(my son) is now two. isnt it about time my dad gets over it??

i dont think i should have to kick my husband out of the room just because my dad cant grow up and forgive Matt.

Answer 1

Your dad is very upset.  Your his little girl and now your not.  He probably sees it as Matt took that from you and him.  I know it's been two years but in time he will get there.  Right now your dad is still really hurt.  My advise would be to not talk to your dad or step mom about any issues that you and Matt have.  If he hears anything negative about him that will just make him see that his opinions are correct.  I don't think that you should have to kick your husband out of the room for your father to come in and see the baby.  He should be man enough to bite the bullet and see his beautiful grand daughter.  You shouldn't have to play into any BS especially after you just had a baby.  Maybe in a few days you could go over to your dad's house with the kids and talk to him about your feelings on this issue.

Answer 2

Dad needs to respect your husband's right to be present at your bedside. It is time.

Answer 3

You need to have a heart to heart with your dad and tell him all of this.  Don't kick your husband out of the room, explain to your dad that he has to accept the fact that you are a married woman with kids whether he likes HOW you got pregnant it is time to move on.  If he can not accept this then maybe he needs counseling of some sort.

Answer 4

SO BEEN THERE!

ok so my advice is what we did.. i went to my parents house alone, not with my husband.. sat down with my dad and explained what i perceived was going on. and to find out he thought my husband didn't want him around at all because of all the baby before marriage stuff we went thru too.. so now we can actually have a meal together, dont get me wrong the men aren't playing poker on friday nights yet, but they are civil. if you are open with you dad and tell him that this will eventually effect your relationship with him, he WILL realize that the pettiness is not worth losing out on his daughter or a lifetime of being paw paw...

bet of luck to ya!!!

it'll all work out!

Answer 5

oh no! that would break my heart if my little boy asked why grandpa hated daddy.. omg..

I, personally, think you need to stop talking to your dad until he can get over it. I don't think you, your son, matt, or your new baby should have to see what is going on with your dad & his unresolved issues.

I know it is very difficult to chose between one or the other, but since your dad is the one with the problem, he needs to be gone. I would have never never ask my boyfriend to leave the room when his son was just born.

I think your dad needs to resolve the things on his own, you cant change the past, and he shouldn't make a huge scene about it. Yea, Matt got you pregnant pretty young, but you guys are happy now & you guys are making it work! (congrats to you guys for doing this)

If I were you, I'd talk to him. I'd say something like "look dad, we are happy, and I hate the conflict you bring around my family just because you don't like Matt. So, when you're ready to grow up & let things go, you can see me & my kids then".

Congrats on your new baby! Those are cute names "Ethan, Ella". I love Ella's hair (in the pic) it's cute!!

good luck~

Answer 6

I think you need to have a talk with your dad. While Ella is somewhere else, like being checked by doctors/ in the nursery whatever and Matt is out of the room.. Tell him that you want him to be a big part of his granddaughter's life but that means being a part of it WITH Matt, her father. Tell him if he wants to see her, you won't be kicking out your husband. If he wants to see her then he needs to get over it.

Your Dad may have a right to be angry that you had a kid at 16 but now he's got nothing. You're 19 which is legally an adult and married to the father of both kids. If anything, he sould be proud because from what I've heard on here you're a great mum.

Oh and by the way, I've seen your pic of Ella in the question where you said she had a beautiful head of hair (which she really does)! She's gorgeous. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

you day is mad, and upset, he will get over it and i hope soon, and no if your father wants to see the kid, then he has no right to not let your husband in the room.

Answer 8

Don't give in to your father's manipulative behavior because however much you try to appease him, it won't be enough.

There are a million reasons why your father is being this way, so going for the cause could take a very long time. Let's just say that your dad has been displaced as #1 in your life.

Abide by his wishes; if he says he won't participate with your husband present, that's his wish. Tell him you respect that and you'll miss him etc. but this is his choice.

Don't make it awkward for your dad if (when!) he starts to soften. Just include him likes it's the most natural thing in the world.

Answer 9

You're right.  If you and your husband are going to have a life together, you must choose each other and your children as first priorities.

Dad needs to get over it.

Answer 10

I feel that you should sit down with him one on one and talk to him calmly of course and try to explain how its negatively affecting you, your husband and your children.

For instance...he needs to know that his grandchildren need a positive influence in their life. Forgiveness and understanding are two great things that should be taught to every child especially in this day and age. Considering that our newer generations need that.

Just try and talk to him. If that does not work...do what they said...pick your little family first...don't let him get away with that...its not fair to you and you need to focus on whats best for your children.

Answer 11

you dont have to kick your husband out of the room... your dad should learn to gain some maturity and be a role model for matt, not act like a child himself

Answer 12

How did you have a baby on July 4 and get sent home the same day? Then ontop of that, get on the computer all day?

I found the picture of "your daughter" on a baby website.

Answer 13

does your husband treat you well? If so then it is time for you to tell your dad to get over it. Tell him he is effecting his granson and that it is not fair to the kids. Tell him he is an adult and it is time to grow up. He does not have to like him but he has to show him respect