Okay Family Problems!!?

Question

Okay i have 3 sister (lets call them emily, 20, dan, 17, joe, 13) emily doesnt live at home, and i have 1 brother Alfie,6. We all have the same father. A man who we adored and looked up to, he was the most amazing man EVER. But then a disaster happened my uncle (My dads brother) commited suicide and my dad started drinking and turning into a horrible person, this went on for years he hurt my mum infront of us and even broke in on christmas day and had a knife he claimed he was going to kill my mum then himself, just so he knew we would suffer. he has told us countless of times he doesnt love us, this really hurts. My mum eventually had the guts to divorce him, and i then later found out he never changed and was always like that but we never realised as my mum protected us from it. My mum also recently got diognosed with cancer. Me and dan have stopped speaking to him as a result of his behaviour and ive told him im never going to speak to him again unless he stops drinking, altogether, he told me he wasnt going to do that and admitted he was choosing alchol over his child. this really hurt too. am i being unreasonable by saying this? All i want is a dad who protects me and my sisters and brother, not one who we need protecting from. my younger sister joe still sees my dad and he is constantly buying her things to rub it into our faces, he takes her to spain and in the last week brought her a new phone, a DS and £300 worth of clothes. He wont pay maintenance and me, my mum and siblings are literally going months on months without going shopping because we just havent got the money. it makes me really upset and angry and it proberly sounds like im all about material... But im not i want my dad to love, but he doesnt. he buys joe and his partners child (of 5 months) everything and even buying them there school uniform, i think this isnt fair as me and my brother need school uniform and i dont think my dads girlfriends daughter should come before us. and what makes matters worse his girlfriends kid i see everyday coz she goes tho the same school as me. should i try and change him or just walk away?

Answer 1

.,try to change him

Answer 2

It is not unreasonable for you to ask your father to not drink anymore. Considering his past you should stick by this and not allow him to hurt you again.  

Answer 3

think u should talk to the rest of ur siblings and your mum first bfore trying to do anything about him. ye need to come to an agreement about it. u don't wanna try changing him when the rest don't want anything to do with him. u will just ed up losing them too. in all honesty, ur better off just leaving things alone. they might settle down soon, though maybe not. sorry for ur loss and for ur mum being unwell now too.. just look after ur mum and concentrate on ur education. ur only 15, u need to live a normal 15 yr olds life,though it may seem impossible right now. take care and best wishes with everything hun. xx

Answer 4

I gonna waste may time reading that long story.  

Answer 5

He has to want to change himself.  No one can do it for him.  You need to tell him that you love him and want your old daddy back.  The daddy you felt loved you and your brother and you felt secure with.  Blessings  

Answer 6

this is really too much for a girl of 15 to be carring on her shoulders. there is nothing that you can do to change your dad. all you can do is change how YOU react to his actions............

concentrate on your studies, and remember to love yourself. His lack of responsibility towards you and the other kids is his problem, it is nothing that you have said or done.

he might see sense evenually...or not...either way, you are too young to be dealing with this. If he has decided that he cant show his love for you, then just walk away......................

do you or 'alfie', look like your dead uncle by any chance????????

Answer 7

Aww babe, that's really upsetting :( This is kinda what happened to my friend, her mum was putting her step dads kid before her. It's so upsetting and there's nothing you can do.

You can try talking to your dad and tell him exacly how you feel maybe it might make him realise the damage he has caused.

Im so sorry for your loss babe, of your uncle and your dad. You probably just want your old dad back. :(

Im so sorry if things get worse i'd ring up an advice line.

I really do hope everything gets better for you, i really do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 8

Your dad is clearly on a pity pot and he is rewarding the others for enabling it. You are doing the right thing no matter how bad it hurts. You MUST continue to think the way you are and you must continue to stick with your convictions for his sake and yours. Yes, you need those objects but you will survive without getting them from him. He must have seen the sympathy that was given during the loss of his brother and amped it up for his own sorrows. He is not being a father, he is being a child and expecting his children to be the parents. Uncalled for and unacceptable. This is not his girlfriends kid's fault. It is his fault and it is the girlfriend's fault. She is an enabler and has allowed her child to be the same. Let your father know you love him by not supprting it just like you are doing. If you have to go without a father because of it, then you will just have to do that and make it through it because the alternative will only hurt you worse (as the girlfriend will see in the end) and YOU are the most important person in your picture, not him. You are not responsible for him. Have a good day if you can.

Answer 9

Why not tell him that what he did was all wrong? I think It's not too difficult for you to speak up...You have the freedom because you are his own child...Maybe when you say to him that you wanted your father before, maybe he'll  be enlightened...Speak up...