Open adoption???

Question

How does open adoption work i want to know all the details and facts do i choose the parents my baby goes to can i still see the child am i allowed to change my mind before the babys born???? I need to know everything. I live in Michigan.

Answer 1

Open adoption doesn't really have a definition. It was created by the adoption industry when they realized women were no longer allowing their children to be adopted. It really only means you get to pick the APs. It can mean you get visits, or you get yearly pics and a letter. It can also only mean you know the first name of the APs. It is so varied that there is no real way to tell you what it is.

Open adoption can also be a complete scam. Some Aps and agencies will tell you anything you want to hear until your baby is legally no longer yours. Then they disappear leaving you wondering what happened. Open adoption is NOT legally enforcable. Once they have your baby they can do anything they want. They can close the adoption with no cause or warning. As a victim of an Open Adoption Scam I can not express how heartbreaking and traumatizing it is when you find out it was all a lie to get your baby away from you.

You can change your mind anytime before you sign papers. Some states have a revocation period after signing the papers in which you can change your mind. Half the time the revocation is not honored so it is best not to believe in that either. The best time to change your mind is right now before anyone gets involved. You would not believe some of the things people are willing to do to get your baby. Think very hard about this before you even call an agency

Answer 2

I am very familiar with open adoption. I adopted my son 3 years ago, and we are on the waiting list to do it again.  

You get to choose the family from a list of couples that have already gone through their background checks, physicals, homestudies etc.  They are basically all approved to adopted.  So you can call them, talk to them, ask questions, meet them, go to their house etc. all before the baby is born.  During the adoption process you sit down with your counselor and the family and decide how much contact you want. Do you only want updates, and pictures, or do you want to be able to see the baby anytime you want.  All that is worked out before the baby is born.  Then you just follow the plan.  We believe in having very open adoption.  We see our sons birth mother as much as possible. We feel that it is important to educate him on the adoption and to let him know all the family he has.  I think it is a smoother transition into adulthood and that way he will not have to wonder why, or who his family is etc.  I think it will lead to a more balance life in the end.

Email me anytime you want if you have more quesitons.

Answer 3

Open adoption can be whatever you and and the adoptive parents agree on. Anywhere from pictures once or twice a year to a full on relationship with your child and afamily.

We've maintained a very open adoption with my daughter's nmom from birth. Our contact is unlimited and includes visits to each other whenever we can. Now that my daughter is older she and her nmom speak to each other routinely by telephone or email. My daughter's nmom has become extended family.

It is true however that open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable so it's basically a trust agreement between adoptive parent and the natural family.  You will be told here that adoptive parents make an agreement only to lure you in to relinquishing your child which I'm sure has happened. But my experience is that many, many, adoptive parents are sincere in the desire to honor an open adoption agreement. Just be careful. And should you decide to proceed with an open adoption plan I assure you that the result will be that your child will become a much more emotionally healthy adult.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

ETA: Oh, and yes you can choose the family.

Answer 4

An open adoption is not one in which you are allowed to show up and visit the child. It is where the family will send you updates on your child, along with pictures. You CAN choose the family that you put your child with. As far as changing your mind, in most cases you must do so within 30 days of the child being born and placed for adoption, after that you are not allowed to take your child back by law.

Make sure you do your research and look for a good agency though. I've never met anyone who had an open adoption scam, but I guess others on here have.

Answer 5

I have a semi-open adoption......

If you are choosing to give your child up for adoption you have choices!  FIRST contact a local adoption agency (I personally suggest going local and not to one of the national companies...I don't feel you get the same support and care that way)  

An adoption counselor can give you more information, but you can chose the family if you wish, you can meet them once, twice, however many times it takes for you to make a decision.  During these meetings you need to tell the adoptive parents what you want....do you want pictures and letters?  then how often?

do you want visits?, how often...where will they take place etc.

Open adoptions generally you know a lot more about the A parents....I have a semi open which means at the beginning I didn't know where they lived exactly, or last names....but I did get pictures visits etc but all was coordinated through the Agency.  Now (5 years later) I have developed a great relationship with the A parents so things are a little different.

Answer 6

I'm here in Michigan and have been through the adoption process as the birthmom.  Here's the ppl that I ran to for everything. They have an 800 number, so just call or stop in and visit if you're near here.

http://www.catholichumanservices.org/

Answer 7

An open adoption is individually defined by both yourself and your adoptive parents. You can choose not to go through with it before the baby is born. But honestly, once you have gotten a chance to meet the adoptive parents and see how wonderful they are, I doubt you will change your mind. I have an open adoption after being raped at 16. I stay in contact with the adoptive parents, even see my daughter once a year or so. One thing that adopted kids struggle with is they feel abandoned by their birth family. My presence is more of an aunt or godmother, although she does know who I am. She also get reaffirmed that I gave her up for adoption not because I did not want her, but because I loved her so much and wanted a better life than I could provide for her at that time. I am there for her to ask all the questions that she needs to know, so that she won't wander the world thinking or questioning who she is, because not even her "real mother" loved her.  She will know & have confirmation that, that is not true... that she was loved from the beginning.

Answer 8

I just had a baby boy on 4-12-08 and i adopted him out in an open adoption, and let me tell you it was the best experance!! i never new it could be like that this was the first time i had ever adopted out a baby but i always thought it was going to be like.. ok here is the baby and that was it... but when i was 4 monts pregnaunt i found a couple on line all i did was type my state and adoption, their adoption profile fit everything i was hopeing for open adoption lots of contact and i wanted this to be there first child, anyway i contacted them via email and then from there it just clicked, open adoption is the best!

Answer 9

I knew a girl who had an open adoption. She didn't try to see her little boy in person, but they sent her pictures and updates of him. I think that you have to be a really strong person to be able to handle that.  If you are going to give your baby up, I think it's only fair to the child to walk away totally and completely.  How confusing would it be to the child to keep popping in and out of their life?   Yes, you can choose the parents your baby goes to, but... Oh, you're not going to like this. If you decide to give your baby up, you pick a couple and everything- it's not fair to change your mind. Those poor people. They are willing to give anything to have a child. Don't taunt them with the promise of the precious child they have always wanted just to change your mind.  I can't tell you how painful that is.

Good luck. This is obviously a life changing decision. For you and your baby. I'm so proud of you for considering adoption.

Answer 10

Hi  I think that Open adoption is a wonderful idea because I did a lot of research on the subject because me and my husband have been trying to have a child for over 5 years now with no luck and we looked into other options like a surrogate and the closed adoptions and we like the Open adoption the most because we would want the birth mother to be just as involved in the child's life as we would be. So we are looking to do an Open Adoption. We live in Pennsylvania. If you want you can e-mail me or IM me on yahoo messenger if you ever need someone to talk to.

Answer 11

I am not too sure, but check out this site it may help you.

http://www.motherhelp.info/open_adoption...

Answer 12

I just have to point this out Cherise.  Learn will you.  

Open adoption involves all parties knowing about the other.  All information is exchanged.  Last names, addresses, email, phone numbers and get this Cherise, VISITS!!!  

While in many states OA are not legally binding there are a few, and select few at that, where they are.  You choose the parents and you can get together before the birth of your child.  You can change your mind at any point up until you sign TPR papers.

Some of the people on here need to learn a few things before they answer for things they know nothing about.

Answer 13

I am the mother of two and have an open adoption.  To answer one of your questions...not only can you change your mind before the baby is born, you legally can NOT sign away your rights until after the baby is born.  Please be aware that while you do choose the parents who will raise your baby, once you do sign the paperwork, you do not have the ability to enforce a level of contact.  You need to feel comfortable with your relationship with the adoptive parents.  Open adoption means different things to different people.  The agency we used was aware of what "open" meant to us and matched us accordingly.  Be up front with your feelings in the beginning and be aware that you may change your mind about things and that is ok too.  We send pic's and e-mail updates regularly.  Our sons b-mom thought she would want to see the boys, but it is just too difficult for her right now, so has decided that e-mail updates are what she would prefer.  Good luck, whatever you decide and congratulations on your pregnancy!  You are going to be bringing a beautiful new person into the world :-)

Answer 14

Do NOT commit to anything until this baby is born.

Until that time - think about parenting - and see how you go.

Adoption is a long term solution - to an often short term problem.

Adoption will have life long affects on you and on this child.

Children WANT to be with the mothers they grew inside.

That's why they turn their heads when mother talks soon after birth.

This child knows you.

Take some time to get to know him/her.

Adoption - in my opinion - should only be when you really really can't parent.

Write a list - what can you give this child.

This child doesn't need a whole heap - but most importantly - he/she needs love and care - oddles of it.

If you can give that - everything else is findable - and possible.

I'm sure you will be a GREAT mum.

In Australia - no pre-birth plans are made - because they can be coercive. Once you meet a family that wants your child - they will say and do things (most likely) to make you feel guilty for wanting to keep your child.

But this is YOUR child - until you make your final decision.

Please remember that - above all.

Be very very aware of adoption agencies also - they also want your baby - as they will make a great deal of money from your baby.

Open adoptions are NOT enforceable. Some great AP's here do have successful open adoptions - but too many in this world are closed down - and the first parents suffer greatly.

Here's a site about mother's rights -

http://origins-usa.org/

I wish you and your baby all the best the world can give - together.

(I've missed my mother for 38 years - and all she needed was someone to say - YES - you can parent just fine)

Answer 15

I think it's great that you are taking a good look at open adoptions, in fact, I believe that women considering placing their child for adoption should get as much education as they can on adoption, your rights, as well as resources to assist you to parent your child, if you choose to do that.

I'm sure most of your questions have already been answered, so I'll just emphasize a couple points:

You don't have to make any decision right now.  You don't have to make a decision until after the child is born, if you don't want to.

Open adoptions are not legally enforcable in most states.

Good luck to you, whatever you choose.

Answer 16

Why would you do that ? Have an open adoption , if your giving away your child then give him/her away and walk away. I think it is wrong to stick around hovering like your the parent if you given up your rights. That basically saying i want my baby but i want you to take care of it.

Answer 17

Hello,

Open adoption often works just on the trust of the parents you choose.  We have tried open adoption with our birth mom to our son, and she doesn't try to see him anymore.  Each state's laws are different.  In our state, you can sign the consent forms before the baby is born, however, they aren't legally binding for 10 days afterwards.  Read everything you sign, and it should be spelled out.  Ask for a fine in the open adoption if the adoptive parents don't follow it, there should be a fine.  It is easier to enforce this than making allowances for forced seeing the child.  You have the rights to not only meet the adopting parents, but their extended family as well.  Someone who has been stable in the area for years, and has extended family will be much easier to search for than ones who have only cell phones and rent.  I thank God for my birth mother to my son every day, and wish we could adopt again.  Good luck!

Answer 18

From what I understand, Open adoptions are not enforceable. Once all the paperwork is signed and the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents do not have to abide by your agreement.

Please make sure you do alot of research.

Answer 19

i think the majority of your questions have been answered here but in my experiance i know someone that gave a child up in an open adoption, it was a matter of trust for the most part, she did she her birth son every now & then but eventually the birth mom got to involved & wanted him back (he was about 3 or 4 at this point) so the ap's made it so contact was only updates & little things like that.

i believe in most places you had 10 days to change your mind ater the baby is born & the papers are signed but ALWAYZ read the fine print as it may be the link between seeing or not seeing the child.

i think it's awesome that your thinking about adoption for your child most people are not mature enough to make the decision in the best intrest of the child i hope all works out well for you :)