Opinion on intro to an essay?

Question

I am from the melting pot that we call the United States of America. The place where desire and hard work is enough to assure your success. Where our dreams are feasible and hope is abundant. The same place where the pilgrims came in search of a refuge from the oppressive government of England in 1620, and the place Cubans fleeing from their oppressive government in 2008 go to in search for the same opportunity. A place saturated with patriots, and by patriots I don’t mean those who love the country for the malls, the cars, the beaches; but those people who know that true patriotism is the admiration and respect we have for the ideas of our founding fathers, the hurt we feel when we lose one of our own, and the willingness to surrender everything to defend what we stand for.

Answer 1

That was really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I think it is great go with it girl!!!

Answer 3

the place Cubans fleeing from their oppressive government in 2008 come to in search of the same opportunity

A place saturated with patriots. By patriots I don’t mean those who love the country for the malls, the cars, or the beaches,  but those who know that true patriotism is the admiration and respect we have for the ideas of our founding fathers, the hurt we feel when we lose one of our own, and the willingness to surrender everything to defend what we stand for.

The first correction makes your verbs agree, the second cleans up your grammar and punctuation.