Opinions and comments please?

Question

You .....dispose..of me

with such casual disdain.

Reasons only you can comprehend.

I flail about in search of clues;

bewildered and confused,

I lack something specific to defend.

Ahhh..but when you want me,

words no sweeter have I heard.

caressed by tenderness. I am reduced

to weak-willed puppet, yours alone.

so completely entranced,

and so easily seduced.

It saddens me to realize

resistence is necesary..

to gain the admiration I require.

Only in departure

will I ever truly know

the never-ending gift of your desire.

The choice then is defined as such.

And is mine alone to choose.

I surrender any claims I've had on you.

I own the failure here, I know.

And now, today< I own myself. This...

hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Answer 1

That&#039;s pretty good!  A specific theme, explored from several angles. Just avoid pretentious things like &quot;You...dispose of...me&quot;.  That sort of &quot;original&quot; use of punctuation and setting out is so very unoriginal and has become cliche in modern poetry.  It doesn&#039;t add anything to the line or the verse.  Oh - and spell every word you use correctly- it IS important.  But enough about the minor negatives.  I really enjoyed your mature use of rhyme and the admission of an otherwise clever person&#039;s lack of reason in love.  For future poems, challenge yourself to keep the meter uniform.  Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

Not bad. Everybody has a lost love poem. Yours is pretty good. You have storytelling talents.

Answer 3

Eeeeh, in the first line you have  5 dots to signify pause, then after &quot;dispose&quot; you have two dots. That kinda through me off. In the third part you separated a thought pattern: &quot;I am reduced&quot;...then in the fourth part...&quot;to weak-willed...&quot; Another throw off that read uncomfortably.

There&#039;s no steady cadence. You need to re-read then rewrite it to bring it together; otherwise, it belongs in personal diary.