Oppinion on my work please?

Question

For my coursework I have to write a fil review of Jaws and I just want your oppinion, is it a good start? Do I need to add anything?

Thrilling, horrifying, spine shivering, purely created to leave you hanging on the edge of your seat throughout, building you up bit by bit, preparing you, getting you ready, more and more, when suddenly, out of the ocean it appears, ready to bite you, coming closer opening its…‘Jaws’, based on a novel by Peter Benchley hit the screens in 1975 and within 28 days became the number one all time Box-Office champion. Directed by Steven Spielberg, ‘Jaws’ created as much drama off screen as Spielberg made on screen, earning itself many awards such as ‘Oscar for film editing‘,’ Academy Award nomination for best pictures’ and of course an award for the heart racing music by John Williams.

Should I end the paragraph like that, or should I add on the end "Jaws has aged incredibley well and is still swimming in our head after 25 long years

Answer 1

Well, I think the problem with it is that it suggests Jaws is in some way a good movie...

...I'm not going to comment on the paragraph, because I explained my bias, but keep in mind that the music was stolen from Dvorak...it might come in handy later on.

Answer 2

As a teacher, reading your first sentence was exhausting.  Your teacher may not see it that way though, but it did make me count your sentences.  Some of us are picky that way (I counted 2 and concluded your first sentence has too many commas).

Answer 3

add on the end "Jaws has aged incredibly well and is still swimming in our head after 25 long years

Answer 4

I would recommend that you break up the first part or the review.  You should include some comments a the realism that was produced by the chorographer and technical designer.  I would omit the last part but make some type of statement to indicated that it is a movie that still holds the interest even though it is older.