POEM: How is this summer limerick?

Question

People at the beach resting on towels and sand,

Listening to tunes from their favorite bands.

On a day hot as devil`s fire

Folks tan with little attire.

Children please sheathe thy eyes with thy hands.

@Is it bad? Should I try again?

Answer 1

I think this sounds ok maybe its the form,

People on the beach resting

on towels and sand

Listening to tunes

from their favorite bands

Just a suggestion, Cheers!

Answer 2

There is one major problem I have with it: it isn't really a limerick.

1. Limericks are usually funny.

2. They usually follow the rhyme scheme aabba.

3. The syllables are usually broken down as follows: 8,8,5,5,8.

You're poem is more freeverse which is more in style right now, but I really don't understand. It's a bit too eclectic for my tastes.

Answer 3

How about this as an alternative?

On the beach with their towels on the sand

Hearing tunes from their favorite band

On a day hot as fire

Folks with little attire.

Are laying around getting tanned

Why not have a look at Funny Limericks For Everyone to get more inspiration?