Parental or Child psychology help please?

Question

am i asking too much that my 8 yr old boy be more responsible? He forgets to bring school work home, he daily forgets chores, my wife and i have tried rewards, punishments and nothing is working. Is he still too young to get it or what?

All suggestions welcomed.

Answer 1

Look into 'executive dysfunction'. My daughter has this, it is VERY frustrating for her and everyone in the family.

Answer 2

He is young, My youngest is 8 and needs a lot of reminders. Charts are good at this age. The best thing you can do is teach how to help himself remember things rather than punish him. I have taught my boys to leave themselves notes in their backpacks. Even my oldest who are 13 (twins) forget things. I have taught them to make a "to do" list on a thin eraser board. They keep it in their folder and they write themselves reminder notes such as "don't forget to ask Mrs. Smith if I can stay after tomorrow".

So my advice is to teach your son how to remember things that need to be done and praise him when he does remember. Kids thrive on praise. use a chart for chores so he knows exactly what to do and when.

The thing is punishment won't do any good because you can punish the behavior but that won't give them the tools they need to learn how to be more responsible and remember things.

Answer 3

Eeeeh, I think your son has been talking on the phone to mine!  I took away TV--no response.  I took away edible treats--no response.  I talked with his teacher--no response.  I took away his bike--no response.  But I have actually figured out a punishment for my son that works...make him stay in his room until dinner time.  He misses all the afternoon playing with his friends, the park, going to friends' homes, going to the library, etc.  This is the thing that hurts.  And it hurts BOTH of us because I have to be there to make sure he stays in his room.

Answer 4

I don't think he's too young to *learn how to* take on these responsibilities.

It sounds, though, like he hasn't found a way to create the habits needed to remember to do these things every day.

Instead of just rewarding or punishing him until he figures out how to create the habits, have you tried helping him brainstorm ways to do it that will work for him?  

How about a checklist that he sees before he leaves school, before he goes into his bedroom (or turns on the TV/video game)?  Or, a watch with an alarm that goes off, reminding him to do what he needs to do next?  Maybe a tactile reminder - "Whenever I touch my backpack, I'll think "Do I have what I need?"  or a string around a finger?  

Help him *learn how* to be more responsible.  Rather than thinking that this is a bad behavior choice, isn't it more likely that he wants to be good, to do what you expect of him, but just doesn't know how?

Answer 5

I have a 9 year old and I believe that putting that responcibility on him is good, he may take some time to "get it" but hows he gonna learn?? I've tried it all too. . . .though it may be frustrating. . . .be consistant, and have patients!! Even if you have to literally walk behind him during chores, eventually he'll get it and hopefully start remembering things on his own!!! Good-luck!!!

Answer 6

No he isn't too young to get it...you may want to sit down with him and make sure he understands what is being asked of him and why...not just cause I said so...that turns kids off. But letting them know they are part of the family and everyone has to help to keep things running will let him feel in charge of some things.

Answer 7

Take away simple privileges like tv time or hanging out with his friends until he starts listening. Then, re-introduce incentives for him doing what you ask him to.

Answer 8

I married into parenthood 5 years ago. I have a 7 and a 10 year old whom i love dearly. But I'm no expert with children and short on  Patience given my military back ground. My wife  suggested rather persistently that I try a program called Love and Logic. It gave me great tools to use when I get stuck and keeps me from going into drill sargent mode, which consists of yelling and ordering. You wont regret the time or money spent obtaining these tool.

Answer 9

Some kids are just born unorganized. My son is exactly the same way. I can punish/reward him til the cows come home and it doesn't make a bit of difference.

What may make it easier is to give him a daily checklist for chores. As soon as he walks in the door, tell him he needs to do his chores and show you the checklist when he's completed it.

If you can, pick him up at school so you can make sure he has all the necessary books and homework.

Continue with the rewards/punishments on a daily basis.

Rewards could include TV, computer, video game time. Only do it day-by-day, which will make more of an impact in the long term.

Get him used to a daily checklist that includes a morning routine, evening routine, after school routine, etc. Make sure it's the same every day and soon enough it'll become habit. It won't happen overnight, as he didn't get disorganized overnight. It could take up to a couple of years, but if you're consistent with it, eventually it will click.

Answer 10

i put a list up on his door that he is to do every morning prior to leaving for school..of course i have to point it out to look at it,

as far as hw, my 9 year old does the same..never brings things home from school, no matter what i take away....then we the parents look bad like we dont do schoolwork with them...if u figure that out let me know..

Answer 11

Of course not, but keep in mind he is a child. Maybe focus on why he isn't remembering things, develop a plan or game to help him remember. The answer is not punishing here, it is about rewarding the good. When he does do something right, make that the big deal. Have you tried a chore chart and checklist. After every completed task have him do something that would make him smile. Such as 5 min or 10 mins playing a game or watching a show. If he does all at once he can watch 1 hr of TV. ? Just suggestions, but may work, remember to stay with it, it takes about 3 weeks for him to fall into the routine.