Please Do Not Judge?

Question

Ok its been 2 months since I gave birth to my son.When I was 8 months pregnant my boyfriend threaten to kick me out which would live me with nothing unless I went through with a adoption( which at the time he had out money, sense than I have taken him to court and got my money back.I am more than able to raise a my baby.)Please do not judge it was a horrible situation with a horrible guy.Anyways the day I got out of the hospital the adoption agency was at my house signin my rights away.Which I do not remember any of that. I have been going to the doctor and counselor and they said I have been suffering from depression during my pregnancy and postpartum. She also said I should not have been able to sign my rights aways. Anyways 3 days after that I contacted the adoptive parents begging for him back. And of course they would not. I am 21 years old and have great morals and I am able to raise my son. Adoption is not for me. I CAN raise my baby.I have got an attorney, has this happened

Answer 1

Oh Sade, I'm so sorry about this. Please ignore the people telling you to not fight for your child, questioning your judgment, and so on. These people have obviously never experienced the stress of an unplanned pregnancy coupled with adoption industry brainwashing... it is VERY easy to doubt your mothering abilities in such a situation when there's no legitimate reason to do so; it's happened to many of us; and I am so sorry it happened to you.

I too cannot remember certain things... mostly, signing the adoption papers. It's common--a lot of us dissociate/block it out. It's an automatic psychological defense mechanism, and it's common in PTSD.

The people who are telling you to go to Origins are giving you the best advice there is. PLEASE do so. There are people there who can help you.

Also, yes, it very much depends on what state you are in as to whether you have a period in which to revoke your signature and get your baby back. Your time might be expired, but that does NOT mean you should give up. Get a lawyer and see if you can make a case for relinquishing under duress. Find out if your counselor will make a statement.

(((Hugs))) and good luck.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that you were in a situation where you felt you had no choice but to do what you did. If there is anything that can be done to help your case I'm sure your attorney will find a way. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Take Marsha's advice and get in touch with ORIGINS.  They will help you figure out the laws in your state.  Do NOT let people who have never relinquished a child tell you how you should feel or to go get drugs and counseling to help you get through this.  They are clueless.

You say that you contacted the adoptive parents.  Have you also contacted the agency?  Good to hear that you have an attorney.  Make sure that the attorney also contacts ORIGINS.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I am confused.. How much money could you have possibly gotten in 2 months time that now make you able to care properly for your son? Second you said you do NOT remember signing your rights away but you recall being threatened? I am sorry I do be live that you regret your decision to place your son, but your story is full of holes. Mothers who place their children and regret it need to stop lying about the circumstances under which they placed their child because what happens is then the mothers who really placed under duress are not being believed. It's like the boy who cried wolf. I suggest you seek out a counselor and work through your issues and let your son be. Life is full of highs and lows and I really dount this is your last low at 21, you cannot pass your son off everytime it gets hard.

Answer 5

Adoption laws vary from state to state, so it really depends on the laws of the state that you're in.  If you signed the relinquishment papers and they have been filed, then your rights are terminated and it's too late.  There is a waiting period of at least 6 months from when the baby is placed with the adoptive couple until the adoption is finalized, but that isn't so you can change your mind.  That is just so the agency can do supervisory visits and make sure that the baby is doing well with the adoptive parents.  

You probably really are suffering some post-partum depression because of fluctuating hormone levels.  You really should get counseling, which should be provided by the adoption agency you placed with.  You can also get on anti-depressants to help you through the depression.  

You made a good choice for your baby that you thought was best at the time, and you were probably right.  It is an extremely difficult  thing to place a child for adoption and most people don't understand.  My heart goes out to you!  Hopefully you have learned from this experience and will be a little more responsible in the future so you don't end up with another accidental pregnancy!

Answer 6

usually  you have 30 days to change your mind but it may be to late now

Answer 7

I think you can get the baby back anytime within a year after you give him up.  Check your state's laws.

Answer 8

leave your baby where he is.  you did the right thing in the first place.  you are not stable to take care of yourself how can you take care of the baby?  you signed away your rights, you knew exactly what you were doing.

Answer 9

You are 21 and you felt pressured to give your child up for adoption.  You made your decision.  If you were PRESSURED into giving the baby up, do you think that it is ok for the family members who have placed all of their hopes and dreams into this child and for you to just take the child back because you feel stronger.

If you are not strong enough to keep your child, how on earth do you expect to RAISE A CHILD?!?!?!

Answer 10

Please DO all you can to recover your son. It is common for young women to feel vulnerable during pregnancy  and some do succomb to pressure to abandon children to adoption.

Don't listen to the Lame-o's who tell you to leave things as they are....now is the the time to fight hard for your right to parent.

Some good places for you to seek support are, Origins, http:www.adoptioncrossroads.org, www.antiadoption.org,

Keep seeking help till your little man is back in your arms.

Answer 11

Is there a question here?

Answer 12

You did not mention the state you live in.  I cannot imagine in this day and age and agency reps were "waiting at your house" when you came home from the hospital and had you sign legal documents without representation.....  sounds a little fishy here....  

I have a 17 year old adopted son and the birth mother had to sign him over to the state in court, in front of the judge with a lawyer representing her... WE were not even allowed in the courtroom.

Answer 13

Wow there is a lot of bad advice being given here.  First of all, what matters is what state you signed in, and how long has it been.  Secondly, you need support and encouragement because attempting to reclaim your rights is very difficult and as you can tell from some of the replies here, not very well thought of by others.

Go to OriginsUSA for some support.  http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

Answer 14

Yes, things like this happened a lot in the years gone by young girls were sent to hospitals just for young mothers in the hope that they would adopt their babies or they were taken off them. Also the parents would bring the baby up as their own child if the girl was too young and they wanted the baby to stay in the family.

Most likely it was up to the parents if the girl or they kept the baby and if you were a catholic the church would take the baby from the young mother and keep them in the orphanages around the world. Hence, the catholic church orphanages'

The baby never had any rights and was called a b*****d and the baby was never loved. They were told that they had the sins of their mother's in them and were shown no love.

Now young girls can look after their own babies and I see nothing wrong in that as long as the baby comes first and is loved.  Ann

Answer 15

i thought you had a certain period of time where you could have your baby back in case you changed your mind?

Answer 16

I feel very badly for you.........you are obviously in some emotional turmoil here.  Based on the fact that your parental rights are relinquished...........IS there a Chance, that you might have a semi open relationship with your child and his parents? Or, did you relinquish those rights as well. Do one thing for sure...........obtain some counseling............if "you" are not emotionally sound, you can Never be emotionally sound for that opportunity one day to be with your child...take care of you, FIRST. GOD SPEED

Answer 17

I'm not sure what you are asking, but you are obviously going through a very emotional time in your life.  I hope you can get some counseling and some family support.

Answer 18

I don't judge you at all.  I hope you can get that straightened out and get that baby back.  Go to that website that they directed you to.  Go to your county courthouse and see what your rights are in this case.  I thought you had a year to change your mind, but every state is different.  I hope it works out for you.

Answer 19

I sure hope you have more than a 2 month revocation period.  Origins will be able to point you in the right direction.

Don't listen to people who judge you, there have been some very rude and cruel comments here and I'm sorry you had to read those

Follow your heart.   I'm sure your son will be so angry with his adoptive parents when he finds out that his mother really wanted did want to raise him.  The revocation periods for mothers to change their minds are disgraceful

I wish you all the luck in the world and I'll pray for those adoptive parents that they can find it in their hearts to do the right thing and reuinite the child with his mother

You are one strong lady to stand up against this powerful industry.  Never doubt yourself - you are a mother and if you are capable of raising your child, there is absolutely no excuse for keeping your child from you.   Legal papers don't make it morally right for you to be separated

Answer 20

umm hwats your question: "    has this happened         "  

??

or do you just want to share your little story..?>?

Answer 21

Can you give us more info? Something's not sounding right here. What state do you live in? Did you sek out the adoption agency yourself? How did they threaten you? What kind of treatment were you given in the hospital? Were you allowed to see your baby? Did you choose the birthparents?

Depending on the state you live in, if you signed your rights away, you have no rights unless you were coerced into the adoption. It doesn't sound like you were coerced unless you have more information. Plus, I question your decision making abilities if you called the adoptive parents and begged for the baby back. I understand you wanting the baby, but that sounds very immature and you sound mentally unstable. You may think all this will get corrected when you get your baby back, but it sounds like you have problems other than just the loss of your baby. If you felt like you would be able to raise your baby eventually, why did you not put him in foster care until you go your life straight?

If you were coerced, you definitely have a case. If you weren't. It's horrible that you would lie to get your baby back. It's also really detrimental to getting the system changed if you lie about it. I hope for the baby and the adoptive parents that you are not lying.

Answer 22

Yeah, ok.  I still call B.S.  It's not your child anymore, leave well enough alone and stop making pathetic excuses for your 'mistakes'.  You don't get a lifetime to decide if you want to be a parent sweetie.  You are or you aren't, simple.

Answer 23

In most states there is a period of time with in the first 6 months that the adoptive parents have to go in front of  a judge. This is usually listed in the newspaper under an ad that states: Court appearnace for termination of parental rights regarding then the childs name . It is usually done in the county where the adoption agency is.  Adoption agency should have counseling to set up for you, if it was a legit agency.  I am sure you are an excellant Mother. It is not our place to judge you. We are to support one another. This has happened before to some one some where.  Maybe do a search for adoption assit, or go with your attorney to help find this court date  so you can contest the proceedings. You should not  have to do so, but the jusge may challenge you on how you plan to be a provider.  Thank Goodness you got out of the horrible situation with the man.  Releasing a child for adoption is a very noble thing to do, however, if and only if it was your choice.  I challenge you to seek deep in your heart and look at your life options, see if you want this or want to go on to college, etc. Right now it is very difficult to sort out as the feelings are so close to the surface. My child released a baby at the age of 15. I did not think she would be okay ever, now she is 21 and getting married, senior in college, has an open relationship with the adoptive parents and it has worked beautiful.  Every one is different, you are older. God bless you and I hope you find the answers in your heart and can go forward with them. Please remember, do not judge yourself.

Answer 24

Hi I certainly will not judge you! I am on The Board of Directors at Origins-USA. Please email me privately, we have some resources that may be able to help.

[e-mail]

My first name is Mary please make sure you mention yahoo questions in the title of your email. I hope we can help you and your child!

I agree lots and lots of bad advice given here. Please email us ASAP!

Mary G.

Secretary

Origins-USA

Also there is hope and the other poster is correct! TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do not pay attention to the naysayers on you trying to get your son back. Coercion is alive and well in adoption in the USA, I am living proof of that. DO not let anyone tell you to just forget it, fight for your child! Also you need to have a written statement signed and notarized preferrably that you withdraw your consent to the adoption, file that with the agency and the courts where the adoption is being done. Make multiple copies for yourself and attorney make sure they are dated. Has your attorney done any of this yet? If not you need to get on the attorney right away. Also a consideration if you are Native American you have different things you need to do. Please contact me asap.

Mary

Answer 25

Have you attorney file an appeal.  I'm sorry to hear this, hope it works out.

Answer 26

i cant imagine what you are going through right now.  i feel horrible for you.  if you want your baby, i would continue to fight til the bitter end.  at least you realize your mistake now verses years down the round, i commend you for that.  i wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 27

The advice above me to go to the origins website is great. Please go there IMMEDIATELY and talk with someone who can help you get your son back. You are right, one mistake should not sentence you and your son to a lifetime without each other (even if you meet again someday, it won't be the same, trust me). Shame on his aparents for keeping him from a mother who obviously loves him and wants to raise him so much. After only 3 days they refused? Disgusting. Please don't give up on this, or you will regret it every day for the rest of your life. I wish you the VERY best of luck.

BTW I think Origins might have a new website address, let me see if I can find it for you. I'd hate for you to miss out on helpful info because of a wrong URL. I'll edit my post when I find it, unless someone else posts it first.