Please a little help...............?

Question

my wife had a very hard life... her father raped her many times and was very violent with her......we met shortly after she had gotten away from him.....I was disgusted to hear about the things she went through...we fell in love and got married however she is not comfortable with love making probably due to what what she went through....she isn't comfortable with me seeing her naked or making love with her clothes on.....she knows that I would never hurt her......she just gets really afraid when we come close to making love....how can I make her feel safe and comfortable with me so that I can express my love for her???

Answer 1

She needs therapy, lots and lots of therapy.  Be patient, it can take a lot of time to get her to be comfortable.  I'm sure she is very traumatized.  

Answer 2

Not sure how much help we can be on here, I suggest you both go see a therapist.

Answer 3

I myself was raped at the age of 16years. By my cousin. At that time in my life I had made up my mind and I was going to save myself for God, I was going to live for Him only. Then the rape happened. I was devastated, I was crushed and so hurt that I hated man and most of all I hated God for allowing that to happen to me. I am 40 years old right now and I was 36 years old when I finally let all the anger inside of me go. Not only the anger, but the pain, the confustion, the overwhelming feeling of feelings that was inside of me. I trusted no man in my life. None of the relationships that I had ever worked out because I myself couldn't be at ease with making love. I didn't like the idea of my spouse seeing me naked. I realized, thanks to God, that when my virginity was stolen from me by a family member that I trusted, I then saw s*x as a bad thing. To me it was all perverted because that is how it was introduced to me. It took a long time for me to realize that not all men are the same and I can't go on letting what that one man do to me affect my whole life because I will never be happy. I have learned that God is the one who helped me to realize why I didn't trust men and why making love was so bad to me. I hope that you can share this story with your wife and let her know she is not alone. There are other people that have gone or are still going through this kind of battle. The first step I believe is for her to accept the fact that it happened and release all the anger that she has inside. If she has to cry out loud, scream, punch a pillow or whatever she needs to do to get it out, I suggest you help her do it. Just hold her in your arms when she needs you to and let her cry if she needs to. Just be there for her no matter what way she lets her anger out. Show her that you want her to heal from this trauma, and let her know that you are a man that can be trusted, then prove it to her by staying by her side no matter what.