Please comment on my poem .?

Question

I ran through the mountains to reach you, 'not here' they said.

Unbearable was the pain you must have felt it too.

I could feel my heart weeping, the sweat made me cold.

I have met you now they tell me.

My eyes still long for a touch from yours.

Everything has been written and read.

Let me embrace you for a while,

for the while i am alive, for the while i die.

I am in love they say, its you

Answer 1

aww i like it!!

Answer 2

It has potential but I can't get past the line, "My eyes still long for a touch from yours." It sounds like your eyes are longing for a touch from her/his eyes which I don't think is what you intended to say.

The line, "For the while I am alive, for the while I die." seems to indicate either a future murder/suicide or a dual suicide pact, too. Is that what you meant to infer?

The line, "Everything has been written and read." seems too broad and kind of artificially inserted in this poem. It is a good line but seems out of place here.

That's my 2 cents anyway!! : /

Answer 3

I don't really have an opinion of it, it is a bit insignificant and doesnt really shout out "wow" when i read it. Sorry!!!