Please critique my poem? In memoriam.?

Question

My great friend and mentor just passed away from lung cancer. I'm pretty distraught. He lived in Siberia, where I've worked for many years on an exchange project.

I wanted to write a poem to read at his memorial service that would incorporate little memories of him. I'm not a poet, so please go easy on me :-) But I would really appreciate honest opinions and pointers. Thanks :-)

Victor Nikolayevich

I always thought I would see you again.

How will it be without you the next time we land in Barnaul?

Won’t you be there to greet us, and to rip the luggage out of the hands of ladies

Who shouldn’t be carrying such heavy things?

We all knew how it hurt your back, but chivalry was never optional for you.

Will we stop at the roadside café

In the middle of nowhere?

When you brought me to eat there for the first time

You patiently recited the entire menu for me.

By my third trip, I could decipher most of the Russian words,

Answer 1

I really like it alot, it sounds like your having a conversation with him and that what I really liked about and coming from someone who is a poet, the poem really gives me an idea of who he was and never even met the guy, thats what you want to do with a poem like this good job

Answer 2

i loved it!! and im so very sorry for your loss. good luck!

Answer 3

A lovely tribute to your mentor.  It's always been a shade difficult for me to write such moving memories for friends...I get entirely too teary while doing it.

Answer 4

First of all,

I'm sorry for your loss, he sounds like an amazing man. And im glad you shared your story.

I hope that you will be able to get through your poem without bawling, It made me tear myself, and I don't know the man.

The poem might be far from a masterpiece, but it is from your heart, and that makes it perfect.

Victor probabley loved your little imperfections, like your broken russian, so he will love your imperfect poetry.

I believe it is more like a Sonet then a poem, or an Ode.

God bless you, Im sure you will remember him always.

Answer 5

I write a little myself, your poem has potential, but it long and most readers won't listen for long, it tells a good story. it doesn't give the poetic vive.

Answer 6

d**n girl! youre talented.

for ( memorial service) what a doll you are.

Answer 7

Very nice. I like the irregular form. It gives the poem a more sombre feel, making it serious. I think it will definately have a great impact on the listeners at the funeral.

I'm really sorry for your loss and the poem has made me feel as if i knew him personally. Thanks for sharing. I wouldn't change anything if i were you.