Please don't judge me....?

Question

here's my situation, i'm 21 yrs old, and i got pregnant by my step- father, i couldn't keep the baby i had an abortion but now i regret it and can't get over it at all, there are reasons why i never kept it, 1 i have a half bro and sis through my step dad, so that means my baby would be my sisters sister too, so all these things were in my head, but after i did it, i just wish i hadn't, and i can't get it out of my head, I'm scared, one other reason why i never kept it, i don't have any money to care for it and i haven't finished school, i think this is the biggest mistake i ever made in my life

Answer 1

Nikki, I am so sorry for all you have gone through. I wish I could do more than write a little post on YA, but if you like, feel free to email me.

I understand the situation you are in. While I think abortion is wrong, I would still care about you. You are a human being of intrinsic value and you are hurting right now. I would strongly suggest that you call a crisis pregnancy center. In addition to counseling women on options to abortion, they usually provide post-abortion counseling.

I sincerely hope you do not beat yourself up over this. Please get some help to overcome the loss and like I said, I would be happy to help if you would like. Just an email away.

Answer 2

i don't think you should  have aborted the child i think you should have let it be born and let your step father take care of it or if he couldn't your only other option would be to serender your baby to the police and you can reclaim it when you are ready for it or if you don't want it then the baby wouldve been put in foster care but theonly real way to solve this is just be careful what you do and know what you do can have bad consequences

Answer 3

It would be difficult for anyone on here to judge you, because we all fall short in different ways. Firtst of all you must forgive yourself. Thats a biggie!!  I totally understand your confusion in your head. You acted out of fear. Fear is the strongest emotion we have. It overrides all other emotions. You can never take back what you did, but you can look at it differently. That child will never feel as it was unwanted and look for his/her real parent after it reaches maturity. The pain will be all yours to carry. He/She won't have to feel ashamed for being part of a so very

disfunctional family. Because you saved it from pain.

Answer 4

Hi sweetheart. First, take a deep breath...

I can understand the feelings of guilt and regret. After going through a pregnancy by your stepfather, a whirlwind of emtions and an abortion, I can see where you'd feel alone, confused and judged. You are going to get a lot of people simply degrading you because you had an abortion. Try not to let that get you down. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but what's done is done and we need to look at the situation from here on forward.

First of all, remember this...the past is gone. There is nothing we can do to turn back time and change things. Trying to mentally go back and harboring regrets will only make this situation worse. You do not have to justify the why's and how's...you made a decision you thought was right at the time and that's the only explanation you need. We all do things that we feel is right for our situation, only to regret it later. Just remember that you did the best you could do with the cards you were dealt and that's it.

Living with regret is something that will consume us if we don't take control of it. Making it a negative, life-ruining situation won't change the facts. Perhaps you can do something positive with your experiences. Maybe you can help other people who are going through similar situations...turn the situation into a learning and growing experience.

Remember this, we're human. We make mistakes. We mess up. The only thing we can do is learn and grow from them. I'm sure we've all got a few skeleton's in our closets that haunt us from time to time, but what we do with the lessons learned is what matters.

But for now, take a deep breath, realize the past is gone and that you can create future into anything you want. Pick up the pieces, keep your head up and keep on walking...

Best of luck to you, sweetheart. I am thinking of you and wishing you only peace, love and happiness.

Answer 5

this is a mess and oh my god are you still living there there is no judgement there you already have suffered enough I am sorry kid stay the h**l away from him try to get a job or go to college

Answer 6

I am a little confused?  You slept with and got pregnant by your mother's husband?

Abortion is extremely hard.  You could have thought about an open adoption or anything.  This baby didn't deserve to die because you made an error.  Sorry, not judging - just really confused!

Answer 7

As you go through life many different situations are going to arise.  Some of those situations we will handle in ways that seem best at the time but we regret later, like your choice for an abortion.  These are the decisions that you need to grow from so that you never get yourself in this position again.

The bottom line is that you were faced with a very hard situation and you handled it how you thought was best at the time.  What you feel is guilt, but what i am not sure of is if the guilt is because you got pregnant by your step-father, or if it's really because of the abortion.  

either way sometimes guilt is not such a bad thing, it can be a reminder of our bad decisions, similar to a scar after a bad wound, that helps remind us never to repeat our mistakes.  Either way, no one here is going to be able to help you get rid of the guilt, you will have to learn to work through it.  

For what it's worth, I think your decision was not as horrible as you are making it out, don't let your guilt take over your life, we all make mistakes  but you have to move on and grow from them.

Answer 8

what you should do is find something else to occupy your time with, like sports, school, or a part-time job, if you want a child without really having a child try one of those things you see on t.v. about helping kids in Africa, or ask a relative or friend that has a young kid if you can take care of them like once a week!

hope this helps, good luck!