Please everyone can someone help ?

Question

Hey i am 24 years old,and i am saudi,we are a respectable family i live with my 3 sisters and 2 brothers my 2 brothers got married,so i live with my mom & dad and sisters i have found out that my 17 year old sister is talking with a boy on the telephone and internet,and he is her boyfriend .... i have no problems with my othere sisters they are great but the 17 years old is always in trouble always,she has a good heart but she is always getting punished from my dad and mom.my dad always with the belt when he talks with her.she is really always making us problems but now when i found out this is go crazy because there is othing i can do if i tell my dad he will kill her,not abuse her kill her.and my uncles also i if i will open this conversation with her i will hit her i cant .... what can i do ?

Answer 1

See getting attracted towards someone in this age is quite normal reason could be any thing from our society view point however this is unacceptable and some times acceptable in limits.......the best will be that if your mom could talk her if she really intersted in him tell him to proceed via formal proposal and let them engage atleast and get marry at an appropriate time ...... this will resolve the issue calmly i think.

Answer 2

hello ,

talk to her and tell her what will become of her if  the parents find out.convince her to stop this act of stupidity at once.she is going to ruin her life as well as the family's reputation.

why dont you approach someone from the government (DEPT. OF PREVENTION OF VICE AND.....) or someone from the Dept . of social affairs and and explain the situation  to them.there must be people in the govt who are there to deal with such cases keeping the case anonymous or secret.

sorry...........couldnt help.

good luck.salam

Answer 3

so sorry for your families attitude on such things.. (I mean punishment like that)

Hopefully you can pray and seek Allahs guidance and talk calmly with your sister in this matter.. maybe she will see what she's doing and change..

I know to a western persons point of view this whole subject sounds like a no- thinker... but they dont realize our strong islamic values...

Talk with your sister.. calmly and with Allahs guidance behind you and hopefully an answer will come from this..

^_^

Answer 4

If you love your sister, take away her computer, and do not speak about the boyfriend to anyone.  According to Islmaic law, there must be four witnesses regarding an accusation of fornication and simply talking to a boy on the internet seems a bit...... extreme..... in my opinion.  I know for a fact that in many Arab countries the father of the family is the defacto monarch of the household.  If you tell your father what is going on, he makes a decision to kill her, no one will stop him, and the religious courts may not sympathize with you.

If she owns a cell phone, take it away.  Regarding the computer that will be a little bit more difficult, but somehow you will have to take that away as well.  Also, if you discuss this matter with anyone else in your family they may tell your father, so keep it to yourself.  Your only options, are to find a way to cut off communication between your sister and that boy, if necessary, get some friends, visit that boy and tell him "leave our sister alone."  At all costs, you must cut off communications, because sooner or later even if you do not tell him your father may find out.

Your best options, are therefore, two-fold;

1)  Silence

2)  Telling that boy, threatening him if necessary, to leave your sister alone.  At first, be nice, be courteous, be a gentleman, and explain what will happen to your sister if your father finds out she is talking to him.  If that does not work and he insist on talking, take whatever means necessary to get him to stop without resorting to outright murder.  If he truly cares about your sister he will either a) leave her alone or b) ask to marry her.

Your sister's only two protections are either getting married to a kind man and leaving that house, or, cutting off all communication with that boy outright, as regards with you, do not, I repeat, do not speak of this matter to your father, or anyone, and if you do speak of it, make absolutely sure you are as far away from your house as humanly possible and speak of it only with your best and most trusted friend.

In the United States we have a saying;  a friend will help you move out of the house.  Your best friend, will help you move a body.

The wisdom behind that saying?  Some things you only discuss with your best friend, and when you are in a dangerous situation, silence can be the only friend you have.  Have some courage, and confront her "boyfriend," making sure you are as far away from the house as possible and around your father, act as if you saw and heard nothing.

It was wise of you to use Yahoo answers but in its own way it was also foolish; you can't know for sure who gets on the net who might know about this, and most people who will respond do not live in Saudi Arabia.  I don't know your culture up close, I've never been there, so I can not speak or answer as a Saudi.

You can not count on human right's groups, or even feminist groups, because the real power in that country for the time being is the Al-Saud, and their religious courts will sympathize with your father.  Confront that boy, as far away from your family's ears as humanly possible, and tell him to leave your sister alone, that her life is in danger.  And around your father, act as if you saw and heard nothing.

Best of luck.

Answer 5

First of all you do not want to say this to someone that will kill her! Such an act is totally against Islam and if you know that it could happen you will also be morally responsible. If something bad happens and your society does not judge you now, Allah will in the hereafter.

Second, she is talking to someone online and she has not committed any sort of adultery.

If you know that your sister has a good heart, and you are comfortable with your sister you can talk to her and tell her that even though what she is doing is not adultery, this behaviour is not acceptable in your society and that she should control it.

You should not hit her! Come on! You should be strong and control your emotions. Read Koran for an evening before confronting her, so you are reminded of patience, forgiveness and abstinence from violence.

You need to use a method with her that will convince her not make her 'rebel' further!

You should talk with her with wisdom.

If she continues....you could actually find the details from the internet and confront the other guy!  Actually if he is a youth, more likely he is also a teenager just chatting...but if he is an old man, like 30 or so, you need to confront him seriously and have him out of this girls life.

It is also very much his fault and if anyone in this case needs a slap would be a guy like him!

Answer 6

She is only 17 and this exist everywhere.

True, the society still doesn't accept that. Don't tell your dad about it you seem that you do care about her.

Talk to her, find out what are reasons, try to discuss it with in way that you know how she feels. Make her understand that such relationships will only drag her down and if your father finds out he is gonna kill her.

I say the key to solving this problem is really confronting her and talking to her.

Best of luck, hope this issue doesn't turn into something serious!

Answer 7

I think you should try to be her friend and be understanding for her sake. Try to explain to her that what she's doing is wrong, and remind her what will happen if her father finds out. You have to be calm and not hit her or show her any sort of anger.

Is it possible for you to talk to your mom about the problem, or would she tell your father? Maybe if your mom talked to her it would help??

Maybe your sister needs to get married soon, so maybe mention that to her and your mom.

It's possible that your sister needs some positive attention, and she's getting it from this boyfriend. If she's always in trouble at home, then she's looking for attention, but only getting negative attention. She really needs a friend, so try to be there for her.

in sha' Allah I hope that she will stop talking with the boy, and in sha' Allah this will bring you and your sister closer.

Answer 8

Be a friend for ur sister, be calm and talk to each other, understand the whole story and why she is doing this, do not let her to fell panic,do not tell your family at this stage, do not shout on her, make sure that the situation did not reach to more than chating, and try to give her your recommendations from your experience, try to investigate about her boyfriend and his behaviour, if he is not good prove it, by this you will give her a good support and she will appreciate it, and keep watching on the subject

Answer 9

Brother mohammed,

from what you stated, it seems like your family is strict and very tough on handeling any "delicate" issue that has to do with the girls...

i'm glad you didn't act out of rage right away when you found out what your sister is doing (although many other saudis would consider this quite normal...i get your family considers it a deadly sin)...that shows that you care about her and understand that any "violent" behavior is not the solution here nor is it islamic in the first place.

i would like to tell you to sit with your parents and talk to them, reason with them and that they will "see the light" and that every thing would be ok...the truth is, people are stubborn...and it's not that easy for them to see or even admit it when they are wrong especially when it's about thier parenting...

your sister is a good girl, she maybe as stubborn as your dad is and wants to prove her independance and existance as an individual...since your parents are so tough on her, she might've created a need to rebell against them and against anything they demand of her...the fact that the extent of this behavior only resulted in her chatting online or on the phone with one guy is a blessing (even if you still can't see that) . it shows that her core is "clean" and "decent", and that even though she "hates" the way your parents treat her or lock her up...she still knows right from wrong and maintains her morals and ethics. she's 17, confused and apperantly feeling "unloved" and "lonely"...she probably found in this guy someone to listen to her, comfort her and makes her feel special, important and loved....wither he really means it or he's just playing around...your sister doesn't know, cause she's focusing on what she wants....

you could install a spyware on her computer to register every word she types for a while to determine who the guy is, does he seem like a "player" or not, what kind of "conversations" they have...etc. or you could be the good older brother who takes her out one day for a cup of coffee or chocolate ice-cream...go out with your sister alone so you can talk, be calm and open even if the blood is boiling inside you....you need to understand this to solve it and you can't understand anything if anger and rage takes over you...ask her how did she meet him, why is he so special, how long does she know him, what are they planning for the future....etc. ask her if she thinks it's wrong...even ask her what she thinks your reaction should be or what should you do now...discuss it with her...make sure you don't attack her cause that will only make her want this even more, she'll be defensive and will see you as she sees her dad....so be sure to give her the message that you're her brother and care about her...and don't want her to get hurt by this guy or your family....don't make it sound like you "approve" her relationship with this guy...make sure you tell her you think it's wrong but that if the guy is ok and has good intentions that you're willing to help them out if necessary....

i know it sounds very hard to do since you already said you're angry as h**l and if you started talking about this with her you'll probably hit her...but you have to get a grip and control your self for both your sakes....

you mentioned that you have other sisters that are "good" and never had such problems....try talking to them, maybe they know about this...they can give you more insight...they can even help you out to how to approach this issue....

i'm a saudi woman....but al7amdu l'Allah my family is great, they live by the true islamic values...and i can't think of one time where my dad raised his voice at any of us in anger and we all turned out good...girls and boys...we never got into fights, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, never stole or used drugs/alcohol, most of us were straight A students in school and university..the rest got Bs...3 of us are married and have kids....and we model our lives after our parents.....to read how your father always has a belt in hand when talking or dealing with your sister and her problems makes me tear up...i wish i knew how we could show him that in his attempt to dicipline his kids and protect them he's forcing them to runaway from him and right into all sorts of sins and eventually crimes....i'm scared of the thought that you or even any of your brothers would turn to be like him...and this cycle will go on and on...you seem smart enough to realize how wrong this is...and i pray you have the strength to keep your self from turning into him...God help and bless you all...

Answer 10

If you are really a Saudi guy, while I think you are not!

And you really need help in your problem, send me an email and we can meet and discuss this issue.

I am a Saudi and I can help you with this problem. But you got to be honest.

You can send me an email on my yahoo account

Good luck

Answer 11

.......I don't see any problem having a chat with others in the net.....and she's already 17 years old......we are living in a world where technology is fastly moving like in communication there is mobile phones and the internet in laptops.....what's wrong for making friends in the net when your primary goal is just to make friends to people with the same religion, views in life, cultures, etc. Its more simple and easy than meeting people outside. Its more convenient too since most of us have computers at home to spend on idle times......whats the use of those computers if youre not going to use it in communicating other people, right? but there should be limitations for that like married ones should not look for another relationships since they were married already and single ones should ensure safety or security because maybe its a trap or something......I always find saudi people not that open minded, they are scared to new ideas or technology to try esp. the unconventional ways which are not wrong in the first place.....its like extending your views a little bit or be open minded....