Please help with agressive 2 yro?

Question

My two year old is very agressive. Always was a live wire, but he is a boy and needs constant activity. He has a one year old brother and has recently started becoming more agressive. This morning he hit him in the head with a metal car until he bled. It was just a surface scratch, but freaked me out.

I was in the bathroom - two feet away. I heard the baby cry and the older one came to the door yelling his name.

I immediately went out to find a bloody child. It was very hard for me to maintain composure.

My two year old told me he fell. (Recently started lying) But I had no reason to not believe him. After cleaning the baby up I found a metal car covered in blood. As I am relying to my mom for help my two year old gets mad that he is playing with the trians and hits him again. I spanked both times the last sending him to him to his room.

Any suggestions? Would like to educate myself on this behavior. We have an appointment with our doctor in a month, but I can`t wait!!

Answer 1

I am going through the exact same thing....sorry, but I am glad I am not the only one.  He is being very mean to my one year old....my oldest is 2, they are 17 months apart.  I do spank him, but then after a little research, realized if he hits his brother, you can't really do the same thing, because that is giving him mixed signals.  I make my son sit in his room, for two minutes then I make him give his brother a kiss and say sorry.  But, before I remove him from the room, I tell him why he is in time out.  Don't get me wrong, I still spank my son when he disobeys...not hard or anything...but, just in certain situations...I lay off on the spanking and do the time outs.  I think it's all part of the terrible twos....I posted a question not to long ago re: my 2 year old, and how he won't listen, and a lot of people told me it's a phase.  Good Luck, with everything, and hopefully for our sakes, and anybody that is going through this......it doesn't last long, or I will be in a mental institution.

Answer 2

YOU need to stop making excuses for your child's behavior.  The fact that he is a boy does not make it okay for him to behave this way.  Being a "live wire" is no excuse for not disciplining him.  It is up to YOU as his parents to control your child's behavior and up until now you obviously haven't.  Spanking is only reinforcing the idea that it's okay to hit...You are teaching him this by hitting him.  (spanking is hitting no matter how you try to sugar coat it) Two year olds don't lie.  They do not have the mindset to lie.  Two year olds don't remember what happened 5 minutes ago.  So by the time you asked him what happened he had forgotten that he hit his brother so he said what seemed to be the most feasible...that his brother fell.  So if you WANT your two year old to grow up resenting his younger brother and you as well just keep on hitting him.  Maybe when he is 16 he will fight back and smack you around a bit because THAT is what YOU are teching him.

Answer 3

The first thing you should do is make sure that the two year old is never alone with the one year old. I'm not suggesting he's a bad child, but two year olds are very volatile, and if he gets mad (which we all know two year olds do), your one year old could really be hurt.

Second, I would suggest stopping the spankings.  If he's lashing out at his little brother and hitting him, it's because he thinks that hitting is okay. Unfortunately, two year olds can't really make the distinction between what's right for an adult to do and what's right for him to do. If you spank him, it's only reinforcing that hitting is okay.

Third, I would reinforce the idea to him that brothers should love each other. When he gets mad at your one year old, stop him before it turns violent and explain that 'we don't hit each other in our family, we love each other.' Immediately separate the two of them, and when the two year old has calmed down, make him give your younger son a hug and a kiss and praise him while he does it.

Fourth, find activities your two year old can do that teaches him how to be a big brother. Show him how he can teach his little brother to build blocks and play nicely with cars. Praise, praise, praise every nice thing he says or does for the younger one. And immediately separate and calm down your two year old when he does get mad.

Hope that helps!

Answer 4

well the thing with this age group is they know when they are doing something wrong but do not understand why its wrong (which is why they keep doing it) and the problem with us adults is we know that the child knows that they are doin wrong and that is enough for us to punish them.  so whenever he does something wrong, calmly tell him what he did, why it was wrong, and then punish him. make him apologize.

now as for his behavior in general, maybe he feels he's not getting enough attention.  try to arrange for you and him or him and his father to have regular alone time where they play or go out and do something.  and maybe you and the two babies can sit and play and teach him how to play gentle with the baby.  just takes patience......

Answer 5

Have you tried time outs for him instead of spanking him?  He sounds like he has a lot of frustration and he is venting through "physical" means the same way that spanking him teaches him "physically"hurting is okay behavior.  I completely agree with spanking children, but I also believe that each child has a way of being disciplined that works for them, and maybe making your child sit in a corner with absolutely nothing to do will upset him enough that he learns.  Do you think he is having jealousy issues?  Is he only acting out toward his little brother?  Maybe some one on one attention time with him can help.  Could you have your mom watch the baby for a couple hours and then you and your son go to the park or do something with just the two of you?  If he gets more attention personally, then that may help his aggression.  You may just have to try a different forms of punishment for him until you find one that works for his behavior.  Whatever you find, just be consistent and in the meantime, you may have to keep a closer watch on him when he is around his little brother.  Good Luck, being a little stinker is what they are all about :- )