Poem give me some feedback?

Question

I just want to forget you

And everything we were

I just want to forget you

The person I thought you were

The person you are now

Isn’t the person you showed yourself to be

The person you are now

Was never shown to me

I had the best of you, but It wasn’t even real

You were fake with me, weren’t you?

How am I supposed to feel?

I miss what I thought we had

I miss the fake you, does that make any sense?

I wish we could just pretend, and you could be him

But I know that can’t happen, the worse you would eventually win.

Answer 1

It sounds like an admonitory letter.Too plain & too explicit.No metaphor, no simile, no oxymoron,no rhyming, no rhythm, no stanzas, and too long lines.

There is one thing though, U clearly expressed, Ur feelings.

In this type of topics , U could 'v used memories as flash backs, some metaphor ( to express change of his personality) etc, in a certain line-format where each stanza talks about a (memory) flash-back. U also could 'v exercised some control over the rhythm, and flow of expressing ( manifesting) Ur feelings.I like the idea of loving the (fake) one, but u could 'v managed it better.

U asked for a feed back, I Hope I didn't sound offensive. Good luck!

Answer 2

Ah, I love poems that reflects reality.  The poem's wonderful.  I hope you write more.

Answer 3

You're on the right track. The use of these words in a little redundant. Use some specific examples. What makes this relationship memorable to the one telling it?

Answer 4

very very good. Thats a awesome poem, keep writting you have talent. =)

please read? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 5

I loved it. It's about realizing a person for who they truly are. That looks can be decieving!