Poker addiction?

Question

My boyfriend has this attraction to playing poker...as of right now, he's been at the casino for 48 hours, where he's complaining of a headache, and planning to call out of work tomorrow, but still won't come home. While he usually does come home with more money than he took, he's very secretive about his activity there. And the addictive behavior is starting to concern me...he has blown off everything we had planned this weekend while he sits down there. Is this normal or am I right in feeling its a little excessive?

Answer 1

POKER RULEZ!!! try it at http://www.doylesroom.com/

Answer 2

No you are not over excessive. He has a problem, and he needs to fix it. It's not right for him to blow you off. And to be there for that long is ridiculous! Sure one night is fine but that is a little over the top. Sit him down and tell him how you feel, maybe he will change. If he doesn't take him to a counceler. Good luck.

Answer 3

1800-Bets-off give them a call

Answer 4

Another poker widow. I play poker for a living and I've seen this a lot. One of the advantages of playing poker is that you are suppose to have freedom  I'd be very upset in your position because he is putting poker ahead of you.

Something else I'd ask is do you have joint accounts? If you don't then don't. I know you said he comes home with more money most of the times but generally the people who put poker above everything else lack the emotional control to actually be a long term winning player. I wouldn't be surprised if he was telling you he won sometimes when he actually did not. If he was losing then he couldn't justify spending all that time.

I don't believe you'll have luck calling a gambling hotline. These guys are not open to reason. Confronting him yourself will probably not work either. There are two discussions on twoplustwo (poker chat site) about GFs vs poker and if it comes down to an ultimatum guys pick poker. That is actually one of the most common topics. If you go this route explain that the amount of money divided by hours is not worth it. Guys who act like this play lower stakes so ask him if the $200-500 is worth more than your relationship.

You don't state how serious this relationship is but you might want to start winding it down. Poker has killed many relationships. I wish I could offer you a better solution but after years of talking and knowing people like your BF I've seen it so many times and it always plays out the same way.

Don't get me wrong poker can be a very rewarding career. I make more in a month as a poker player than I did in a year as a lawyer. The problem is that in your BF's case he actually enjoys the game and doesn't see it as a chore required to earn money.

Answer 5

Wow that sounds like me in my 20's lol. First of all i don't have a huge issue with anyone doing what they want to do with there free time. The issue i have is that when they make other commitments to other people and they don't keep them. Things like work and friends are very important to me and i would never let poker get in the way of that at all. I used to play 12-15 hours 6 days a week in poker rooms, but if i made a commitment to someone then i made sure that i was there. As long as he is not losing money for the rent and as long as he can keep his commitments to you and others then i have no issue with what he does. But from what your saying you should sit down and ask him that when he has something he said he would do, that you expect him to do it.  You however should not ask him to give up what he likes to do. Just ask him in a nice way to make some time for what needs to be done, and if he is any kind of real man he will.

Answer 6

He's diffenently feened out. Hopefully he will hurry up and get it out of his system b4 he hits rock bottom. Most you can do is keeping talking and put your things on lockdown so it won't get sold.

Answer 7

You can either leave him, because he is the only one that can change himself: or, if he is winning money and your main gripe is the time appart, take it up yourself.  Me and my g/f have been playing poker together (not at same table, but same room) for a few years now, and online we help each other out.  We enjoy it and it gives us something in common. (you know the old,"if you can't beat them. join them" approach) We both win money and it is simply much more fun for me to see her learn and expand as a poker player.  That is just an alternative option for the others you have already received.  Good luck.

Answer 8

Is it excessive? The guy is addicted big time.

Answer 9

Addictions are tough.  It's very difficult to try to help an addict without becomming co-dependant, which actually helps the addiction rather than curing it.

The best thing for you to do is to keep things in your perspective.  Blowing you off is not nice.  It's disrespectful to you.  So, rather than concentrating on his poker playing, something that's likely to get you nowhere, concentrate on his treatment of you.  You are perfectly justified in being angry when you get blown off.  You deserve a boyfriend who treats you right.

Taking this attitude won't guarantee the success of your relationship.  But it will allow you to keep your dignity and keep from getting caught up in a useless struggle to stop or control an addiction.

How much gambling is too much?  The answer to this is not written in a book anywhere.  You CAN know how much is too much for you.