Pros and Cons of adoption...?

Question

ok i have never actually thought of anything bad that could come from adoption. i really want children and thats the only way i can have them. i would like some personal accounts, good and bad, from those of you have adopted. thanks

Answer 1

I'm actually disinclined to agree with you Ted... No child wants to be their parents' charity case.

I personally had a decent experience.  I have two AMAZING adoptive parents who I love unconditionally and infinitely.  But I'm still battling with trying to find out who and where I come from... I still have to deal with the idea that I was 'given up.'  That I somehow wasn't worth  the hard work and lifestyle change needed to care for me.

Whether or not this is true, I don't even know.  Because I can't even get a name from the people that are supposed to know.

If you really want children, fine.  And if you decide to go through adoption to get them, okay.  We'll never get adoption abolished, so I'll be happy with just education to improve the system for the adoptees.

Insist on open records.  That way when your child wants to find out where they came from, it's easy and they don't have to offer up an arm and a leg to our extortion-fond government.

Never feel like it's an attack on you when they insist on knowing.  What was my f-mom like?  I want to find her!  Support them in their search and encourage them to share their feelings openly.  We are too often asked to just deal with it or be grateful.  (Why should I be grateful?  Hello, I had no choice!  YOU are the ones that wanted me.  Sheesh.)

I think that honesty and openess is the most important part of an adoption...and too often it is being overlooked by everybody in the interests of protecting everybody BUT the adoptee... the only ones that didn't have a choice in the matter.

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Go ahead and thumbs me down.  She asked for personal accounts from THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN ADOPTED.  Not adopters.

But of course, I just fill the adoptee third of the triad.  No one considered my feelings before,  why the h**l should I expect you to give a d**n now?

Answer 2

Get ready for a flood of bad stuff.

My belief is you need to be doing it for the child.  Bottom line.  If you're not, then you shouldn't adopt.   If you're doing it for the child, then you are doing it for love and there are many many many good things that can and will happen in adoption.  

I've had adoption affect my family in both ways.  It is not easy seeing a family member give up a child.  That loss never goes away.  However, it is wonderful to gain a child through adoption.

Answer 3

be prepared to here your adopted child tell you that you "are not my real parents" that will happen. I was adopted at 6 yrs old. my parents(adopted) loved me and treated me great but if i didnt get my way i told them they werent my parents. remember it is hard on the kid too.

my sister is also adopted. she came to live with us when she was just a couple months old and my parent are the only ones she know but she still tells them from time to time that they "are not her real parents." I know it is sad that they loved us enough to call us their own and then for us to tell them that really hurt them.

ON the other hand I am know 24 yrs old and have a great relationship with my parents. Once I matured and relized just how much they loved me.  A child does not think about that. All they think is "my real parents would treat me like this" or "my real parents would have let me go".

my real parent are the ones who raised me. not the ones who had fun one night and could deal with the consequence.

Answer 4

Pros: Your child can have a better life . Loving parents , money , food, clothes , shelter. It gives people choices other than abortion.

Cons: Sometimes that adopted parents aren't that nice. It takes away responsibility.  Sometimes the child doesn't get adopted and has to spend their life in foster care.

Answer 5

My husband and I wanted babies right after we got married. We tried for years and it was heartbreaking that we didn't conceive. We then decided to adopt because I wanted to be a mom as a career.

We adopted through the state, if you havent learned about that talk to your local DHS, adoption is free through them. We found that out by chance and were ecstatic because the lease expensive place I could find was $21,000.00 which for us would have been hard because we were 23 years old and didn't have a whole lot of money.

It took us approximately a year to adopt. Our experience was wonderful. It was very hard to wait. We adopted two girls, sisters ages 1 and 3. It has been 2 years and it feels like they have been with us for their whole lives.

Answer 6

There's good and bad in everything to varying degrees. There are also a myriad of opinions as everyone's experience is so different. I adopted for the same reason that women get pregnant: I wanted to be a mom. And then when we decided adoption was the route to take we began doing our research. The good: we become parents and our daughter gets a family. The bad: Loss. My daughter was abandoned by her first parents. She left her country behind and any ties she had to her biological roots.

I'm sure there are many other bullet points, but those are the ones that stand out the most for me.

Answer 7

As an AP really I have to say most things are positive.  The adoption process was a bit difficult for us (paperwork, failed match, the long wait).  Our children are great and well adjusted.  I do worry about future abandonment issues but we provide a real sense of security for our kids and reaffirm our unconditional love for them always.  Open/semi open adoption has been really nice for us also.  The wait was truly worth it.  We have a wonderful 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter both through adoption and we brought our son home directly from the hospital and our daughter at 6 days old.  My life would not be whole without them.  I do not for one second wish that things had been different.