READ THIS want 10 points?

Question

i wrote this. do you like it? should i add anything? i know the sentence structure isn't right, but this is how i write.

I’ll refrain from these words, these feelings, and these emotions that are overpowering me. Just for you. But mostly for my heart. I know how these feelings can scare people; How your body changes; all the chemicals, the hormones, the butterflies, the racing hearts, the passion, the wants, and how all of it affects everything you used to control. When your heart starts to swell and rare emotions surface. Emotions that you never felt before, emotions that scare the **** of you. The what if’s and the possibility of broken hearts. People become scared and back down before it conquers their every being, before it takes over every ounce of them. I’ll open the door for you, even though I rather not. Here’s you chance, you can walk out and never look back. You can leave these feelings behind, before they began to rush through your blood, like anesthetic that numbs every limb. Or you can stay and let your thoughts subside and take a chance. Experience a whole new world, a whole new set of emotions, a whole new conversation to tell to your friends, a whole new story to tell to your grandkids, and a whole new beginning to your life. Take it or leave it.

Answer 1

Heather,

Very powerful, very...heart-touching.

I would take out the word 'chemical' so it doesn't look too 'science-like.'

I really like how you present choices at the end. "You can...or you can....Take it or leave it."  That was powerful too.

Keep writing - you have talent.

"Ranger"

Answer 2

ItS RaW dEsTrUcTiOn

Answer 3

we should be giving you ten points

Answer 4

cool this is bigger than yahoo answers

Answer 5

Love it. It's raw. It's real.

Wow, you are talented.  It flows well, even with that unusual punctuation.

I would maybe indent more so it's not one big mush. Like this.

I’ll refrain from these words, these feelings, and these emotions that are overpowering me. Just for you. But mostly for my heart.

I know how these feelings can scare people; How your body changes; all the chemicals, the hormones, the butterflies, the racing hearts, the passion, the wants, and how all of it affects everything you used to control.

When your heart starts to swell and rare emotions surface. Emotions that you never felt before, emotions that scare the **** of you.

The what if’s and the possibility of broken hearts. People become scared and back down before it conquers their every being, before it takes over every ounce of them. I’ll open the door for you, even though I rather not.

Here’s your chance, you can walk out and never look back. You can leave these feelings behind, before they began to rush through your blood, like anesthetic that numbs every limb. Or you can stay and let your thoughts subside and take a chance.

Experience a whole new world, a whole new set of emotions, a whole new conversation to tell to your friends, a whole new story to tell to your grandkids, and a whole new beginning to your life.

Take it or leave it.

Answer 6

I think it is okay but if you are a good writer you can do better but I like it !