Repressed Memories of son.....a nightmare?

Question

Please give me your opinion. We have a 40 year old son....today my husband and I left a therapy session with him. He will not return.

Over the past few years, he has been becomming more distant, but we believed in letting him and his family have space. About 6 months ago, the volcano erupted....

We were told by him that he had an abused childhood, that there were beatings and neglect. This did not happen, we raised him with brothers and sisters who know this never happened.

The only help we thought we could obtain was from a Psychologist. The first time all three of us went, our son was on the verge of rage. We let him express himself.

This time, the Psychologist asked if my husband and I wanted to talk. We started to cautiously tell how we felt....not far into this our son went into another rage. Lies! Lies! They're telling lies was all he said.

He will not return. We do not know where these repressed memories came from -- especially since they are without backing. We know we didn't do what he said.

There is no other appointment set with the Psychologist. I am heartbroken and my nerves a wreck after this incident.

To make it worse, we move to a retirement community in a month. It is 1,000 miles away. As parents, what in the world do we do?

Thank you.

Answer 1

Hello,

My heart goes out to you, I have an estranged daughter who has rage issues directed at me for reasons she chooses not to reveal and is using drugs.   I question her mental status.  This event has almost destroyed me and after a (longer than you) period of time I am moving towards letting it go because the pain is intolerable.    I can only share with you a few thoughts and these are they:   If you have tried to resolve the issues with love and a full open heart there is little else you can do.   You are going to have accept the situation as it is (to save yourselves) and be glad for the things you have in your own life and enjoy what you have.

You cannot change people.  If you have done nothing wrong then it is in his hands.   If he has some reason to make his claims then it must be acknowledged and dealt with.   I am sorry for your pain.  Maybe it will help a little to know that you are not alone - I have in the last few years encountered a number of people who had children that have somehow gone astray and witnessed so much pain that is seemingly unresolvable.   You are given little choice but to pick up the pieces and move on.  Is it possible a mental illness or drug situation is causing the situation.   I have read this back and sorry I don't have the answer for you - just hope that knowing you are not alone in this will provide some slight comfort to you.   All the best.

Answer 2

I am so sorry this is happening. A cousin of mine once went to a therapist who did what was called 'regression therapy' Some doctors claim this will open up all the bad memories of childhood that you locked away. Others think its a therapist using suggestion to give you memories. I'm not sure if your son was involved in something like that or if it just came out of nowhere. My cousin has ended all ties with anyone from her family and still to this day truly believes she was abused even in the face of all the evidence she wasn't.

I hate to say it but your son may never come around. He may go to his grave believing you all did these things to him. I can only imagine the hurt you must be feeling because in a way you have lost a son. I really would implore you to try and get him into family therapy with you all. He may refuse and if he does there isn't much you can do. Let him know you will always love him and that you are always open to communication with him and include him in your life even if he wont respond. (Like invite him to family things call and write him even if he wont answer.) The only hope you have is if he is willing to talk this out with you all if not then I am so sorry you are just going to have to deal with his choice. You may even want to consider a counselor for yourself so that you can find a way to deal with him. Again im so sorry please know my prayers are with you!