Seperating siblings during adoption?

Question

I just read an article where a set of twins (boy/girl) were seperated at birth, never new about each other, and then started dating some years later and eventually got married. They also divorced a week later onced they found out they were brother and sister.

So my question is, do you think the state should allow for siblings to be split up during adoptions?

Shouldnt they(the state) have some obligation or atleast the adoptive/foster parents should let them know that they have siblings out there and not just leave them in the dark.

Like, if you can't afford to take them all or you do not want to adopt them all than you can't have any of them.

Answer 1

should be a stay together.

Answer 2

it would be nice obviously if all siblings could go to the same home. but, if that was a law, then those kids may not be adopted when they would have if they were just one child. i'm sure the child would rather be split from their sibling than sit in an orphanage their whole life.

Answer 3

i think that the twins should stay together ! =^_^=

Answer 4

My adopted children are biological siblings and I adopted all 3 for the reason you cited.  I was their foster mom (single) and I couldn't bear the thought of one of them being adopted, taken to live who-knows-where.  What if two were adopted and ONE was left behind.  How would that child feel about himself while he grew up?  NOTHING could have restored his sense of self worth. So I kept them together, adopted them and have loved them as my own flesh and blood.  The state's view is that if one gets the chance to be adopted and given a stable home, then he should have the chance.

Answer 5

i agree with you 100%. i would give my answer but i would just be repeating what you said.

Answer 6

Totaly agree !!!!!

To seperate twins is like to cut off a body part!

keep them together.

Answer 7

I agree on keeping twins together. I also believe it is not that easy to keep siblings together if they are removed from the parents one at a time. I have adopted a boy a couple of years ago who now has three sisters and one brother. One brother and one sister are older and adopted by the great aunt & uncle before mine was even born. The aunt & uncle did not want anymore so I adopted him (and the fact he was born addicted to crack cocaine) Once he was 2 years old and they saw he was "normal" then they wanted him and we went through two years of court and $20,000, but we won. The mother has since had two more daughters, one the aunt & uncle took and the other the mother still has. What I'm trying to say is it is not always possible to keep them together but we do see and visit his biological brother & sisters several times a year, and yes ONLY mine knows he is adopted, the others do not know yet.

Answer 8

this incident occurred in London.  i'm not sure if they have the same system we use.  currently there is federal child welfare reform in which the states are obligated to do their best to keep siblings together.  however as you have more siblings, they become harder to place together.  also, if siblings are not placed together it law (at least here in CA) that the siblings are required a minumum of weekly visits with each other.  

also during adoption processes by our state it is the adoption social worker's duty to research the child's family and locate relatives as best they can so that information is provided in the adoption report.  There are also relative locater programs offered throughout the states.

i think this particular incident is very rare and would not assume by this story that our system is that messed up.

Answer 9

Yes! It's cruel! I understand you!

Answer 10

I agree that if at all possible siblings should be kept together. However, you need to consider logistics sometimes. Sometimes just one child is placed for adoption (a mother already has 3 children and doesn't feel she can take care of a 4th, or the first child of a mother is placed but subsequent children are not). I also feel quite strongly that if a child is placed and future siblings (half siblings) yet to be born are going to be placed, the adoptive parents of the first child should be contacted. It would be better for both the children to be placed with biological siblings.  In regards to marrying relatives, it can get dicey. Sometimes the birthfather is an unknown factor and may have fathered many children with many women. I hate to think of adding one more burden to adoptees, but maybe genetic testing prior to marriage if there is any question is in order. Certainly this situation is a good argument for open records!!!

Answer 11

Urgh, as a mother of twins I'm disgusted

Siblings should never be separated for adoption - it's bad enough that the sacred mother/child bond is severed

Answer 12

i don't think siblings should be separated. i think you mess with their future, and the way they feel about life and think about themselves. they shouldn't have to feel like they are alone. they shouldn't be separated. if they are separated i think they should know. i don't think its right, immoral, to separate siblings and then leave them in the dark. but our government has a good way of hiding the truth from us. so its a messed up situation. just like abortions and capital punishment.

Answer 13

I do believe that twins would be drawn to eachother.  But, I think red flags would go off in my mind if I met someone, both of us adopted, born on the same day, almost same time, same city, same hospital, same doctor signed both birth certificates.

Answer 14

Wow, that chance is one in a million. It would be better if they could live their lives together, especially to avoid this situation.

That seems cruel to them. It would make me very frustrated and angry to find out about this.

Answer 15

It used to be common practice. Typically, a single mother had her children taken away from her because she could no longer afford to care for them properly. What happened was the children were split up and adopted out separately. This increased their chances for being adopted. However, this didn't always happen. The younger children had no problem finding new homes but the older ones usually did. They often ended up in orphanaged.

Answer 16

It's one of America's cruelest secrets.  And there are probably millions of kids like that.

Answer 17

I wonder how old they were. Twins typical aren’t split up anymore, and times when they were their families had no idea that the baby they adopted was a twin. As far as foster care they do sometimes try and keep sibling groups together but it’s not always easy, even more if it’s a large sibling group. Of course in those situations the children general know they have siblings and often if they are adopted by separate families they will try and have the families stay in contact. It becomes a different matter if the childs bioparents have a child(ren) after the one they placed for adoption, or if they have a child before that they do not place.



I’m sure something like this is a rare occurrence with all the people in the world its got to be a rarity that someone adopted  would end up falling in love with a very close  genetic family member and then find out after the fact. Even more in the case of twins.

I find it sort of odd it says these twins were conceived via IVF treatment and then placed for adoption. They didn’t find out that they were twins till after their marriage so its extremely likely they had sexual relations.

Answer 18

they should NEVER split brother/sister's up. they need each other. and i hope that the twins didn't "do anything" if you know what i mean.....

Answer 19

i agree with you about care places...they are f---ed!

twins/siblings should NOT be seperated....this marriage is a good example of why not and then how many times have you read about siblings being reunited years and years later? it's heartbreaking that these siblings should be divided because it's more 'convenient' for someone to just take one....

Answer 20

I know from our experiences that the foster care system in our state will attempt to keep siblings together as much as possible.  I think the case you cite is an anomaly, and not standard procedure.

Our boys are brothers and we were not given the option to adopt just one of them, it was both of them, or neither.   Same is true for a coworker also adopting siblings through foster care.

What is more, friends who also adopted brothers were asked to adopt another child by the same mother (born after they adopted).  The state made a good attempt to keep families together.

Answer 21

I read that story and as much as I should be shocked I'm not. I definitely think the state DOES have an obligation to let the child know if he or she has any siblings out there, especially dealing with situations like these.

And my answer is no, siblings should not be split up. It's not pick and choose, its all or nothing. People should know that before hand and before adopting and fostering children.