Short Joke..............?

Question

Funniest short joke/s you have heard...

Answer 1

Ultimate.... ......... ....I bet u can't stop laughing.

These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi .  com    These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and

spelling errors  have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...

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- Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my

home. I am not a good education but i working all   field in bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...

when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or

send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Wut Homework?)

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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every   moments of life. I   love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a

first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i.

Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then   why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

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i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life   because of my lucknow i am looking one boy he care me

and love me lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but   while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the h**l...)

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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO   MAKE ANY BODY TO   LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL   MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY

,THEY ARE

1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.

2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION

3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY

TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing {laughing})

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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone   groom   and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp  

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl   wants)

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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate

ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is   suffering from "Ok-syndrome")  

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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and   father & mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to   get married 'completely' ?)

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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me   pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! J )

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iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)

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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run   my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'.

i expect the   good   minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other   caste   accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..?? ?)

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Iam Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is   white. i like social service.

(Zebra..???)

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Lolz

lucky

Answer 2

There were two identical twin brothers by the name of Jones. John was married, but Joe – the other brother – was single and the owner of a small dilapidated boat.

It happens that the same day that John's wife died, Joe's boat sank.

A kind old lady met Joe on the street and – mistaking him for his brother John – said, "Oh Mr. Jones, I am sorry to hear of your great loss. You must feel terrible".

Joe responded, "Well, I am not a bit sorry.  She was rotten from the start.  Her bottom was all chewed up and she smelled of old fish even from the first time I got on her.  She made water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a bad hole in the front and a big crack in the back.  The hole kept getting bigger every time I used her.  It got to the point that I could handle her all right, but when anyone else used her, she leaked all over the place.  What finished her, though, was four guys from the other side of town who came over looking for a good time.  They asked if they could use her and I rented her out but warned them that she wasn't too hot.  But they insisted that they would like to give her a try.  The result was that the crazy fools all tried to get into her at once.  The strain was too much for her.  She cracked right down the middle".

The old lady fainted.  

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Monday: A duck walks into a grocery store.  He asks the cashier, “Got any duck food?”  

The cashier says “Nope.”  

Tuesday: The same duck walks in.  Ã¢Â€ÂœGot any duck food?”  

“No, we don’t have any duck food.  Now please leave.”  

Wednesday: The duck walks in again.  Ã¢Â€ÂœGot any duck food?”  

Now the cashier is really ticked off.  Ã¢Â€ÂœLook, duck¸ we don’t have any duck food and if you come in here again, I will nail your feet to the floor.  LEAVE.”  

Thursday: The same duck walks into the same store and asks the same cashier: “Got any nails?”  

Puzzled, the cashier says “No”.  

The duck looks right at him.  Ã¢Â€ÂœGot any duck food?”  

Answer 3

the beatles song teddy boy

Answer 4

Two men are talking. The first says, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."

"Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons.

Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.

Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess.

Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.

Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.

Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher trade and students consume.

Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.

Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.

Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.

Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.

Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.

Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business.

Once upon a time the government was clean and s*x was dirty, now one doesn't know.

Answer 5

How do you know a lawyer's lying?

Their lips are moving.

Answer 6

how many psychiatrist's does it take to change a light buld?

One :)

But it takes a really long time and the lightbuld has to really want to change :) lol Rotfl ha ha ha :)

  

Answer 7

what do u call a group of white people running down a hill?

avalanche.

what do u call a group of blak people running down a hill?

mudslide

what do u call a group of mexicans running down a hill?

border breach/ jail break (optional)

FOR THE RECORD THESE ARE ALL MY FRIENDS JOKES AND I DO NOT NORMALLY TELL THESE BUT U CANT SEE ME AND I AM HONESTLY SORRY IF I OFFENDED ANYONE.

Answer 8

check this out ~~!!!!!!!!!

few shocking telegrams~~!!

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

***************

TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

***************

TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnancy, goes to railway station to return to her husband.

At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

***************

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

Answer 9

i work construction and in the porta potties there are all sorts of jokes. most i cant say here but a few i can like;

how do you break a c**k suckers neck(look up >>>> >>> >>>>)

"please stop putting cigarette butts in the urinal. They are hard for me to light"

The joke is in your hands

this sink is too low

"here is sit on my break, gotta hurry cant be late. boss is calling musint linger, watch out bum here comes my finger"

Answer 10

why did the orange go to the doctor?

-----> he wasnt peeling very well.

what does winnie the pooh and jack the ripper have in common?

-----> their middle name.

what did one volcano say to the other volcano?

-----> i lava you

Answer 11

There was a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest, when a magical turtle yells "Stop!  If you stop chasing that rabbit, I shall give you each three wishes."

"Okay," say the bear and rabbit, "We'll stop."

"Good.  What are your wishes?  Bear, you may go first."

"I wish that I was the only male bear in this forest."

The turtle grants the wish.  "Okay, you are now the only male in this forest.  Rabbit, it's your turn."

"I wish I had a mortorcycle helmet, that fit me."

"Okay.  Here you go."  The turtle grants Rabbit's wish, and Rabbit is now holding a shiny, black mortorcycle helmet.

"My turn!" says Bear, "I wish that I was the only male bear on this continent."

The turtle grants the wish, "You are now the only male bear on this continent.  Rabbit, what is your second wish?"

Rabbit replied, "I wish that I had a mororcycle that would fit me."

The turtle granted the wish, and Rabbit was now sitting on a shiny, black mororcycle to match his helmet.

"What is your next wish, Bear?"

"I wish I was the only male bear in the whole world!"

The turtle made it so.  "You are now the only male bear, ever.  Rabbit?"

"I wish Bear was g*y," Rabbit said, as he drove off on his motorcycle.  The turtle made it so.

XD!  Hope you liked it!

Answer 12

what did the cactus say to the porcupine

are u my mother?