Should I let him fly?

Question

my husband recently informed me that I am unattractive to him now. we have been married for 2 1/2 years, and known each other for 4... granted, I had our baby in june of last year (07) and i am now 7 mos pregnant again(due in nov).. i know that ive gained weight and i dont look the same... and i told him... no wait, Asked him to give me some time to lose it after the baby is here.. that i didnt realize how bad i had gotten... yet, he says that he cant take my word for it, and he wants to sleep with other women now. he trys to cover it up by saying he wants a threesome, but i know the truth is that he just wants to "be with" another woman... i love him dearly and will do whatever it takes to keep a happy marriage with him, but I Cant say yes to him being with someone else... it breaks my heart... and everytime he mentions it it breaks my heart even more... the constant reminder that im not good enough for him anymore.. that he would rather be with another woman than me! ugh.. what should i do about this? am i just being dramatic?? should i just accept what hes saying and let him be with his "women"... should i somehow accept the threesome and just let him be happy? how do i convince myself that it is whats best for us? or him mostly... any input would Really help... im lost. thx

Answer 1

i can't believe you would even consider doing all this for a man who can't keep his p****r in his pants, stay true to his marriage vows or be true to his wife and child.  HE ISN'T WORTH THE EFFORT.  he doesn't want a 3some, he wants out.  he's blaming you for everything so he can feel he has a reason to abandon you and his kids.  LET HIM GO and move on.  make a better life without him and make better choices in the future as to who you marry and procreate with.

Answer 2

it wasnt genuine love to begin w/. it was only based on your physical appearance.had it been based on more he wouldnt be looking for a way out right now. this was a ticking time "divorce" meaning he wasnt going to  last anyway. if anything this should be the time he embraces & adores you more b/c it is HIS children that have caused your body all its changes. HIS children that your body is working to nurture so that they may live lives &  maybe even bring him joy.

Sadly many men are physical appearance driven...

sadly you got the wrong one for you & didnt realize it then.

some men couldnt imagine doing or saying that to the women they absolutely love. their wives. i wish you would let it 'fly' as you said. you may find that keeping him in your life may prevent you from your true love. if he is leaving you honey, he is not your true love. God bless you & i hope God fills you w/ the courage you need to let this man goes as well as the confidence & happiness to live life independent of him. and if there are flaws in you which pushed this man away from you , i pray that you realize those flaws & correct them. But most of all, may God grant you the love your heart desires.

Do not take this out on your kids.love them the best that you can b/c when the grow up, they will love you for it.

Answer 3

Sounds like a real loser to me. I cannot begin to understand how he could do that to the mother of his children. I'd cut him loose and find a real man.

Answer 4

When your husband married you, he married you for better or for worse. Don't blame yourself. Yes, you should work out and lose the weight once you have your baby. But understand that he is being selfish, inconsiderate and unloving. My g/f was most beautiful to me when she was pregnant. Don't have a 3some, that's a sure way to a divorce. He may just cheat anyway, but don't give him the impression that its ok by giving him a 3some. If he wants a 3some, he will obviously be interested in just the other woman, since you are "unattrative" to him right? Don't lower your standards because he wants to be a jerk. You try to talk to him and if he decides to cheat, then that's his loss. He will be losing a family and a great wife I'm sure. In the long run, that's more important. But do stay attractive, fix yourself up, exercise. Do these things for yourself. Don't have a low self esteem because of what your husband is saying to you. You are beautiful and GOD is blessing with a child. You don't need any discouraging words damaging your mind. Pray and believe. All things are possible with GOD. So maybe he will change if he realizes what's right and stop living in the fantasies that go on in his brain. GOD Bless you.  

Answer 5

I hate to say this - but I am afraid you have married a very immature man who is not committed to your marriage. Anyone that turns on their partner and is willing to break their marriage vows because someones appearance changes does not really love that person. If he would forsake you for gaining a little weight - while you were having his children by the way - how would he deal with it if you were to become ill or disfigured in an accident? I would ask him if it would be grounds for divorce or adultery if you left him when he starts losing his hair or if he develops middle aged spread?

Again - I am sorry to say this but I think you might be lucky to have discovered his lack of commitment this early on. If you stay in this marriage he will chip away at your self-esteem bit by bit. You and your children deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect and loves you "for better or worse, in sickness and in health."

Answer 6

I see both sides here...

Attraction is very important...you met someone and yes of course they will change but if is difficult if you don't find them attractive anymore

His timing is wrong you are 7 months...how can he expect you to want 3-some ??? He is a complete idiot (sorry)

Tell him it's fine with you for him to sleep as long as he doesn't mind you telling all your friends, your and his family  (and your kids when their older!!! ) what he is doing... would he still think it was ok then....???

I know you don't want to spilt up but you need to think about yourself too...make a back-up plan just incase...XXXX Good luck, I feel for you XXXX

Answer 7

Just sign the divorce papers already...Your husband doesn't love you and certainly has no respect for you or your marriage....He is wanting to leave you because you have gained weight?  HOLY CHRIST!  You are 6 months pregnant with his child!....If he hasn't already cheated on you....you can get bet your sweet azz he will eventually....You have an moron for a husband....and you will be much better off with this miserable excuse for a  man....

Answer 8

Don't have a threesome just for him,ewe.....Maybe working out after the baby,to get "baby fat" off! I feel so horrible, your husband is an a ss h o l e

Answer 9

your hubby wants to be with sumone else so just let him go. He doesnt sound like  very nice man at all. but the other thing why do women let themselves go after having kids or getting married? You know like gaining weight, not having time to shave legs, brush hair etc this is why men go off us and want to find younger more attractive women with no ties eg kids!

Answer 10

You are turning yourself inside-out over a man who doesn't love you, and doesn't appreciate you. I know it's heart-breaking, but you can't change his mind.

Suppose he gave you some time. And, after the baby was born, you dieted and exercised until you were so thin you could fit through a mail slot. It would still be unlikely that he would stay. And, if he did, you'd be constantly worried that you'd gain five pounds and he'd be gone. Is that any way to live?

The truth is, he wants to go. And he thinks the world revolves around his needs. He will eventually go. So do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. See an attorney immediately. In the meantime, start squirreling back as much money as you can (hide it) in case he walks out the door.

Answer 11

Your husband is immature and a jerk. There, I said it.  Didn't he get you pregnant? What did he expect?  If he really loves you he'll love you fat and pregnant as well as the skinny girl he met.  He's being an immature, selfish jerk who needs to grow-up.  You need to be happy with who you are, and he should be as well.

Answer 12

Tell him to take his sorry excuse of a man out of your home and divorce his ***.  This man has made two babies with you but now says you are unattractive to him. He has already told you he wants to cheat.  Let him go and find a real man to love you for who you are.

Answer 13

Tell him to go back under the rock where he came from. Get out of that situation right now. He is never going to change, so get rid of him now and get a new life somewhere else without him.

Answer 14

What happened to "for better or worse"? I think you should do everything you can to remain healthy and attractive...for yourself as well as your spouse but having said that...a woman's body goes through so many changes throughout her lifetime. You have been pregnant with his children twice in a short amount of time.I have gone from getting married at 18 at a weight of 105..to pregnant at age 20 and 22...now I am 42 and weigh 150. While I would like to weigh a little less...I'm still in good shape and keep my hair, nails and clothing up to date. In other words..I haven't let myself go. I would hope though that during a time where my body...for whatever reason...wasn't as good as it could be...that my husband would be supportive. As for the threesome bullshit...if he's asking to do that, he has no regard for monogamy or a committed relationship...it just won't work. I don't think you have to accept anything that you're not comfortable with. I'd say divorce the b*****d but I know that's easy for me to say and you have a life with this man. So...I'd get a really strong backbone here and tell him what I will put up with and what I will not. I would also deffinetely see a counselor.

Answer 15

What is good for the goose is good for the gander, so to speak.  Tell him it is fine if he sleeps with someone else so long as you get to bed any muscular hunk you want too.  Perhaps putting him in the same situation will make him reconsider.  If not, have fun!

Many men find pregnant women attractive!