Should I tell???

Question

There is a rumor going around at work about one of my supervisors, Diane. She seems to me, to be a very hard-working, ethical, moral person. Yet someone who is related to a friend of hers is saying that Diane and her husband are

"swingers" (into sexual spouse-swapping). This other worker says that her Aunt knows from personal experience that this is true. I guess they are swingers too and have joined with them in this activity. I simply CANNOT believe this about her.

As a friend to Diane, which I am, should I let her know what is being said about her, or would this just embarrass her, if it IS true? And then it would get the other worker in trouble for spreading it and they would all know who asked Diane about it because I'm the only one is not convinced. But is the right thing to do by Diane? Just keep letting these things be said about her? I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for all your advice in advance!

Answer 1

Ignore it, it is gossip, second hand info.

Answer 2

yea i suggest u try to ignore all this as much as possible. set an example at work that gossip isnt good!

s yea stay out of it..

Answer 3

In my opinion, what she doesn't know can't heart her. So what if they're saying things behind her back? Do you want to complicate her life by completely s******g it up and revealing that other people know of her personal business? If I was spouse swapping then I would keep it to myself! Who cares?

Answer 4

EDIT: After a night of sleeping on it, I'm reviewing my answer. I have had a very similar thing (well, not the 'swinger' part!) happen to me, and so I wrote a pretty hot headed reply. However, you have your own job and life to think of, not just "Diane's".

The workplace is no place for this sort of behaviour. Your work colleague is a malicious gossiper and I would be inclined to say "I don't mind other people's business" and just walk away from people spreading rumours.

The big issue is whether this is a one off thing or an ongoing trashing on a regular basis. If it's a one off, I would say nothing to anyone and just walk away when the subject came up - people talk about others, it's just a fact of life!

But regular, ongoing trashing of "Diane" is a very different matter and is a genuine workplace issue. It could be considered sexual harrassment and "Diane" might be within her rights to sue the lot of you. IF it is ongoing, your manager should know what is going on. In Australia, a company can be found guilty of allowing sexual harrassment if they do not take steps to prevent it.

As to whether to tell "Diane", you are under no obligation to tell her, but as a decent person you should not participate in trashing her.

Rumours do go around at workplaces, and usually die down just as quickly, unless more drama comes along to fuel the flames. Tell people you aren't interested in "Diane's" business, and pretty soon this will stop being talked about!

Anyway, as I said, the decision is yours, just my two cents!

Answer 5

You could end up in court for defamation.  You could lose everything you have as a result of not minding your mouth.  First off you could lose your job, no matter how a court case ended.

Answer 6

as a friend, i would simply ignore any rumor being stated about my friend.  it wouldn't bother me one way or another, how my friend decides to spend her personal time as it's really none of my business.

you don't know what to do b/c there is nothing for you to do.  maybe it would embarrass her, maybe not.  who the heck cares??? it's not like you're one of her partners, right?....right???

do nothing and let it go.  people will talk - that's what they do.  so the h**l what!

Answer 7

stay out of it! you will bring more drama to the table

Answer 8

Leave "Diane" alone.  She is an adult and her private life is of no concern to anyone.  I would not say a word or participate in any of  the rumor discussions.

If she asks you to join in then it becomes your business, if not MYOB.

Answer 9

its not a easy thing to do but it will be good if you let her know about this. the challenge lies whereby you don't disclose the ones who gossip it and take care not to probe too much lest you break this friendship esp. both of you are at work.

Answer 10

I probably wouldn't mention anything to her.  If it is rumor, she'll just be embarrased/angry and you'll look like a tattle tale.  If it isn't true she has nothing to worry about.

If these things are true, and people find out, well, that her issue, not yours, I would let her deal with that as it will eventually come out.  She may not even care that people know!

Answer 11

Tell her.  Personal lives have no business in the workplace.  However, if the rumors are true it should be Diane's problem on how to solve it.  Diane needs to know about the situation and let her solve it... Get all the worry off of your chest, you didn't do anything wrong.  And by letting a friend know, whether she's getting freaky or not,  you could earn even more trust for not spreading the rumors.

Answer 12

dont tell, just ignore it.

Answer 13

Firstly, what she does outside work is her business and as long as it is not affecting how she is doing her work then there is no problem.

Personally I wouldn't say anything. It's not a great position to be in but you could end up being the bad guy here.

Answer 14

you are under no obligation to tell her besides, there is nothing she is doing that's illegal. people do have a private life that is separate from their work life.

Answer 15

Less said best said. just don't fall into office gossip walk away,you could be next.

Answer 16

Well, if its a rumor you might just want to ask. Because if you see her as that it may be a lie but its ok to ask just so you have the correct informatioin.

Answer 17

i think you should let her know if you really think it's not true.

Answer 18

Years ago....I would want to tell her!

Today many many yrs later, wisdom has become my best friend....

No....do not be the first to say anything....only because your asking, and if it all backfires, well you will be in a whole world of hurt!

Answer 19

I'd say keep it to yourself. Your supervisor will most likely eventually hear the rumors anyway, and this way you just stay out of it.

Answer 20

Just leave it alone. If she's a swinger then that's her own choice. Just let her be what she wants to be, it doesn't affect you.

Answer 21

I would not say anything.  It is NOT YOUR BUSINESS WHAT THIS PERSON DOES OUTSIDE OF WORK..  YOUR OFFICE SHOULD GET A CLUE..

Answer 22

If you are her friend you would tell her.  But if your just a work associate then you should mind your own business.  Do whatever you would want done if it was being said about you.

Answer 23

I wouldn't say a thing, no reason to make it worse.  I can't stand office gossip and I wouldn't have any part in it when the hens start cackling

Answer 24

tell her about it but make sure that she doesnt tell the others she heard it from you. tell her to tell them that she overheard them talking about it or something like that =]