Should i leave? please help?

Question

i have been with my boyfriend for four years on the 8th september.

We started off as friends as we lived ina house share, but we got along so well and fell for each other. He was 21 at the time and never met a girl he wanted to settle down with until me (i knew him before we lived together). We have lived together 3.5 years and we still get along great. We make each other laugh and i love him so much.

BUT... we live seperate lives. We have seperate nights out (except the odd one) and he doesnt make as much effort with my friends and family as i do with his.

I want to spend time together and it has been an issue for me for three years. We are both young (hes 25 and im 22) and i think its important we enjoy nights out with friends. But there seems to be no mixture, we spend more time apart and we live together! i know he is in love and ive tried speaking to him loads over three years. Im scared its never going to change... hes laid back and thats his excuse for everything.

We broke up last year coz of this and we got back together cos it felt so wrong. But he told me last week that he doesnt think he can give me the relationship i want- which is an actual relationship.

Everyone thinks our relationship is weird- and it is. I find myself trying to justify it all the time.

i love him so much... but we want different things right now. If im going to be in a relationship- i want to be in an actual relationship. He has a live in girlfriend and does what he wants when he wants. We rarely do anything together and we arent alone cos his brother moved in a year ago.

Answer 1

id say move on,your young and already in a rut.good luck! x  

Answer 2

If he isn't prepared to make some sort of effort for you then I think you need to make him realisewhatt he stands to lose. You've already got your own lives anyway, only difference is he's swanning around happy as larry with a live in girlfriend at his beck and call, while you're miserable and yearning for a true, two-sided relationship.

It is sad because you desperately want to make it work, but it sounds like he doesn't, and he doesn't respect the fact that you do. I'm sure he may well be a good guy, and doesn't realise just how selfish he's being and how much it's getting you down. Drill it into his head as much asyouu possibly can, if he's not prepared to listen then you will have to get it across whatever way you can (even if it's leaving him, withholding s*x or whatever).

In the meantime, make the most of YOUR life and do whatever else it is besides him which make s you happy (your friends, family etc) in fact just pretty much focus on them until he's prepared to pull his weight

Answer 3

Tell hım ıf he doesnt work harder you wıll leave. Sımple as.It mıght scare hım ınto changıng.

Answer mıne please- Really need help.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 4

Sounds like your in love and he has a roommate with benefits.  Have a talk to him and set it st right now, can only hurt you more in the future.

Answer 5

It sounds like you're living together apart.  You have separate lives.  While this is good, I think actions speak louder than words.   How are things when you are TOGETHER?  I think you're coming to the realization that it's time to end your relationship, even though you may not want to. Your question seems to be filled with your desires and wants.   You should ask him what he wants. Use open-ended questions.  "How do you define our relationship?  Where do you see us in five years?"  

My gut reaction is that you're too clingy for him. There may still be some love there, but I don't have enough information to really know.  Do what's best for the both of you. Good luck.  

Answer 6

have a serius conversation with him. A SERIUS ONE. act angry, tell him to get his *** over to wherever (preferably a private place) and giv him a piece of ur mind!!! u deserv better then wat hes giving u, and i think hes just scared (like u sed hes never had a 'real' relationship before), and he might be trying to make up excuses for it. oh and ask him if hes scared. well ask him everything actually, make it a good long talk so that you can get EVERYTHING out. but... he might hav meant wat he told you... mabe he nows that he cant giv u the relationship tht u want (ask him about tht too), and hes trying to cut it short before u get too attatched to him (even tho hes waaay late for tht). but i think hes scared. but both ways, if he really says he cant hav a relationship with you... then thers only one way out, and you know it. hard as it may be, ur gonna hav to get over him...

oh and good luck!!!!

Answer 7

You sound like you're not happy.

I think you just need to have a good think about it by yourself, get a piece of paper and write out all the pros and cons.

And then make your decisions. You have a future ahea of you and you should plan on that, do you really want him to be in it? I know you love him. But it could be that the love will rather tie you down for a life you're not content with. Or you could change it, and make it better for yourself.

You most likely think he's the one because you've spent the last 4 years with him and you're very young.  Youhaven't had the chance to meet anyone else in the same way and have a relationship grow.

One of the main issues is you're not spending enough time together right? And from what you've said he knows it affects you, but he can't be botherd putting any effort into making a resolution...not very caring to your emotions. Other 'married' couples have this problem because their husbands are away with work. They have a reason for it, a job, here its just because he's laid-back', he lives with you and can put more towards spending time with you he just chooses not to. You need somethign out of this relationship, it's not all about him.

Answer 8

Go to a specialist on relationships so they can sit you both down and show you the pros and cons of your relationship then you can make a decision

Answer 9

yeah u should leave i  know that i wiould leave 4 good.

Answer 10

Wanting the realtionship to be different IS wanting him to change.

Why not go to Relate?

Answer 11

well...if you love him then i'd stay with him...and little by little you no talk to him....and if he still seems to do that just try your best and it should get better but if it don't then i would leave him because then you would waste your time on something that cant possibly happen.....yes you are young and so is he and you guys got a lot of time to think this over but talk to him and tell him how you feel and then give it time and if he don't change then leave him i no it will be hard but you will have to do and find someone that will love you and spend as much time as possible with each other but you don't wanna spend you no to much time because that could cause other problems but like i said talk to him and see how it goes then wait a few months or so and if nothing changes then leave him....good luck and i hope i helpt!!

Answer 12

you're unhappy.

i think you should leave, it'll be hard at first but you'll be fine.

you'll meet someone new sometime who can give you what you need.

good luck (:

Answer 13

Hey-So sorry about this situation you are stuck in. Maybe you  should  try talking to him about how you feel.If he agrees,maybe its time to leave.If he dos'nt agree with you ask him how he feels? And if you manage to talk things out,maybe you should talk to his brother as a couple.Tell his brother that you want privacy,and could he move out for a while,because you need "couple time".

Best of luck to you

Answer 14

Say he that you cannot live without him you  go to see he is going to come towards you straightaway

Answer 15

I'm 22 with a 26 year old and I wish mine was more like yours! Trust me, you dont want to spend every waking minute together bc its starts to get so monotonous. We are so jealous/crazy about each other we dont even go out alone.  He doesnt like me going out with my girlfriends bc he knows guys hit on me and vice versa.  He's really s**y and I know girls would be all over him if he were out without me, he loves me i know he does but lets face it there are S****y girls out there and guys will be guys.  I wish we had started off slower (we met, fell in love and moved in together and had a baby all in a year) so just take a deep breath and think, your only 22! yOU'RE so young so dont worry about it right now, if its meant to be it will be. if not just imagine theres someone out there you will love more than him!

Answer 16

get the h**l out of there FAST!!!! he is using you and you are just letting  him!! get out! get out! get out!!  

Answer 17

First of all, when you say he has a live in girlfriend, I certainly hope that you are referring to yourself, because if you are talking about a 3rd party, then you are right, your relationship with him is weird. But for now I will assume that you WERE referring to yourself as the live in girlfriend.

Overall when I was reading your question, I had to wonder what it is about your relationship with him that gives you satisfaction. You say that "he's the one", but you spent most of your time here complaining, & saying how you want him to change.

I think that is the number one mistake that I see young women make when they enter into a relationship with a guy that turns out to be a compromise to what they actually want, and that is the belief that THEY CAN CHANGE HIM. The ones who stay in an unsatisfying relationship the longest are the ones who are the most prepared to SETTLE.

It's really up to you though. You can settle by changing your attitude about what you want from the relationship, or you can make a change. But you will NEVER be able to change him. If you can't change him, then the the only thing you can consider is a new relationship with someone else.