Should we elope or formal marriage?

Question

Well we've been engaged for 3 years (together 5) and now parents of a 9 month old baby girl. We put off a wedding till after birth but now I'm just getting tired of being his fiance (and vis versa). My parents are basically seperated right now and I don't know what to do about getting married. They've been together 30 years and it makes me worried that we'll end up the same way. I don't want to just have a paper to say I'm married but I don't want a big formal wedding. I can't plan a week ahead let alone a wedding and I'm starting to think we'll never get married.

Answer 1

I so know how you feel. My wedding is in 7 months, and my dad and stepmom are living apart, and my mom is talking about divorcing my stepdad (this will be her 3rd divorce if she goes through with it). I keep wondering if they can;t make it work, how am i supposed to? But then i remember my grandparents, who have been married 58 years,and are still in love. And I look at my fiance's parents who, when they think no one's looking, are like teenager lovebirds. then i remember. i'm not my parents. :)

My fiance and I were considering a destination wedding, with just immediate family, but it was getting to be just too expensive. And I really want to celebrate with my whole family on my weddng day. So we opted instead for a small intimate ceremony followed by a huge reception.

It's really hard to start planning things, especially if you aren;t normally a "planner". the best thing to do is just to get one thing done. Buy your dress. Book your reception hall. As soon as one thing is done and set in stone, it all seems much more real- and that's when it gets exciting. Things will start falling into place, and all the people who love you will be just dying to help. Let them. Give every single person who asks "What can I do?" a task. Have your best friend call florists for you. Have your mom hunt down a baker. Tell your fiance his job is finding a DJ (that's what i did. lol). The more people you have working on it, the quicker it will go, and the less stress you will have.

Seriously consider having a smaller, more intimate ceremony with a bigger more casual reception. Personally, i think getting married is like giving birth- you want everyone to know it's coming, but you don;t want them all in the room when it happens. Exchanging vows, pledging your heart, soul, fidelty, money, remote control, etc. unto another person is a very personal and intimate thing. I can't imagine having 300 people watching me do it. lol

We are having our ceremony at a historic mansion/ museum in our hometown, followed by a somewhat casual (but still kinda fancy) reception at a hall down the street. 70 guests for the ceremony (and that's just parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles!), around 225-250 at the reception. We're looking for a polka band for the cocktail hour (to appease my fiance's Polish family who were apalled at the idea of- gasp!- not having a traditional Polish buffet- sausage and sauerkraut= ewwwwww), and having our very favorite restaurant (the best freakin' rib joint in town!) cater.

Seriously, just go out and buy a magazine and start dog-earring pages. Set a date, and book your place. Get your dress. once you do those few things, you'll be much more excited about the whole thing. i swear. :)

Answer 2

Just elope.For legal purposes you are already married. Why waste

a lot of money on a bunch of fancy stuff when you probably need it more for diapers and other things. Get a license and get married.

Save the money for a nice trip when you can go by yourselves I am always amazed at people who have lived together for years and have kids and everything and then expect to have a full formal wedding what a waste of time and money.  

Answer 3

If it was me, & I knew then what I know now. I would Elope!!!! It was awful!! Our dads fighting! The food was awful! Just everything cost tooooooo much once you put in the "Wedding" word!! Take what you would spend on the wedding &go some where you both want to go!!!!!! I wish we would have done that!!!! I have such a bad taste for the way mine went, I sure wish we eloped!!!! Either way Congrads!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I think that even though your parents are having problems it doesn't mean you will. I think that you should go for the formal wedding its the only one you will have. Every girl waits for that day. Maybe you haven't but If you don't do it you will probably regret it later. It supposed to be big event to join two lives. I know you have almost pretty much done that. But it will seal the deal. I think you would probably be more happy after the fact of a formal wedding. I hope I helped. Good Luck.

Answer 5

It's your deal. If you want a big wedding or not, do what you want to do. Maybe a small, simple, casual wedding would be better than a big formal thing, but a little more than a courthouse. In the end, do what you two want to do.

Answer 6

I'd recommend eloping.  If you don't like to plan, you probably won't be happy planning a wedding (I plan like mad and still I hate planning my wedding!).

And please don't worry too much about the longevity of your marriage.  Just recognize that it isn't always going to be easy and find your way through things together.  And if someday it's just not working anymore, you'll move on and you'll be ok.  You'll never be able to be certain you won't be separated one day or divorced.  You could never know what may happen in your life or in his to change things.  That's why they say when you get married it's "taking a leap".