Siblings with disabilities? ?

Question

Say now there is a brother and a sister. The brother is older but has something like Autism or Aspergers. The sister is the younger sibling. And every time the brother and sister fight the parents blame the sister, b/c they don’t think the brother is capable of doing something like that. The brother is given more attention and the sister’s achievements are generally ignored b/c they don’t want the brother to feel bad. Even though the parents tell the sister that the brother has problems, she sees him as a normal person and treats him like everyone else.

Would this little girl grow up to have a lot of internal anger? Is it possible that she would grow up with the notion that she is bad? Would she grow up with control issues, would she be dominant, would she want to put people in their place?

I’m just asking b/c this happened to a cousin of mine and she is like that now. Her parents didn’t do it on purpose. And I think it’s happening to one of my friends?

Only mature answers please…

Answer 1

It depends on one person's feelings and the parents.

if the little girl very caring, loving she grow up and do nice things.

if the little girls still remember parent blame her instead of brother and she become jealous too much then it will happen.

Answer 2

I think you've got.  Every kid needs to be nurtured, loved, and made to feel like she is the center of her parents universe at least part of the time.  Being rewarded and appreciated for doing well and right is important.  Being punished only when having done wrong is, too.  Having all that jumbled with mixed messages and down playing the strengths of one child to prop up the ego of another is not healthy.  I would expect it to cause a lot of internal anger and confusion, low self-esteem and poor self-image.  Over compensating isn't uncommon, so the dominating doesn't sound unusual, either.  If the opportunity and timing arise, suggest that your cousin seek counseling, and maybe share the story with your friends so that they don't go down the same road.  Just make sure it's when your advice is welcome.

Answer 3

It seems like you can figure out pretty clearly what can happen.

The sister might feel like she does not matter.  She may also feel as if no matter what she does, her parents don't notice.

Nothing she does makes any difference.

I hope this poor girl has talked to her parents about how they have hurt her.  Best Wishes.