Still dealing with my parents neglect?

Question

From 12+ my parents brought me shopping for clothes maybe twice...

I'm 20 now with no clothes and no money going back to finish school. This single issue is doing a lot of damage to my self esteem. I can't really go out of the house. Not even to get a job. I would look so weird with these old clothes. I don't think anyone would give me a chance, wearing the same clothes everyday. How am I supposed to go to school like this? How am I supposed to deal with this?

I know how weird this sounds, but I'm trying to come to terms with my parents neglect (and a lot of other childhood trauma) and I don't know where to turn. I still live at home and my family is still abusive. It feels like I'm trapped.

Answer 1

Do you have a second hand clothes shop around where you live?  In the UK it's pretty trendy! I rarely buy new clothes and regularly go to these shops to see if theres anything decent and have built my whole wardrobe on them!

For example, if you need a certain outfit for a job or school, go to all these stores in the same day and see what you can find!  You can find good quality things at a great rate!

My parents didn't have much money when I was a teenager so we didn't get new clothes very often. I agree it really is a damage to your esteem and can make you feel inferior.

You are 20 now, slowly start to take control of your things. Start with clothes; save money, decide what you like and go for it...You have to start somewhere.

If you are still being abused you really should consider leaving your family home...if you do some research, I'm sure you will be surprised with the help available to you...Good Luck

Answer 2

I'm very sorry that you didn't have parents, but instead had breeders.  I have no idea what their upbringing was like, but I doubt it was much different than how they treat you (not finding an excuse for them, just letting you know there is a reason).

The emotional trauma can and will affect the rest of your life.  You can seek professional counseling to help you deal with all of it, make peace with it and have a fulfilling life; but the choice is your's.

It is not your fault and it was nothing you did to cause the abuse.  Sadly, you were born to the wrong people and are the victim.

Moving out will help a little; however physical distance alone won't reverse the effects of child abuse.

You say you have no money, I would suggest you get a part-time job, or even better, get a full-time job and go to school at night.

Answer 3

Dude if you cannot get out of the house because of lack of funds join the military.. there you will learn to be independent and also you can bolster your bank account. and your parents have no control  over you there. there are to many fields to enter that you will not have to worry about combat

Answer 4

talk  to somebody

Answer 5

Do you have a family member that could help you get clothes so you can get out and get a  job? You have to break this cycle of neglect! As soon as you land a job, you need to find a roommate to share an apartment with and get out of there! If you can't find a roommate then you need to move in with another family member if that is possible(A healthier one) Once you find a job and start making money, things will turn around for you! I suffer from depression and even though some mornings I have to drag my b++t out of bed to get there, once I am there I feel so much better, because you are doing something. You can't stay trapped in that house feeling sorry for yourself. Make a break and make a change, don't tolerate it. Stand up for yourself and ask if they can get you a couple of new outfits for interviews (at least) If they don't, s***w them and once you break free-don't turn back! You can do it! If you need to talk more, feel free to contact me!

Answer 6

Self-esteem is one of the worst jokes played on us by humanists. Forget it. People with high self-esteem tend to fall into the category of psychopath. Seriously. They feel so good about themselves, they cannot see when they do wrong.

Confidence is a different story. Knowing your strengths and your weaknesses is an important part of maturing. If you don't know yours, ask other people who you know will be straight with you.

At age 20, you should not be taking money from your parents for anything. If you need to flip burgers to buy clothes, do it.

Set your goals. Set the steps you need to reach each goal. And get busy.

Answer 7

Maybe you can go to a shelter. It may not be the best thing but it is a start. They can help you find a job and find a place to stay but you do have to put up with allot of rules and regulations. May I say that I am really sorry for what you are going through and I honestly mean that. I wish you the best. Also, you can go to the Salvation Army and get clothes. It will be better than nothing. It's good that you are having faith and you want to make things better. Just try not to let your pride get to you and you will be fine. God Bless You and I hope things get better for you.

Answer 8

Hi, if i were you. Still try for a job. something small that you can keep doing and earns you a little money. After time, you an build up and you can buy your own clothes. Then when you are comfortable, apply for a more complexed job. It is bad that your parents barely took you shopping. But try and stay possitive. good luck xxxx

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear that... I know what it's like to feel trapped in your own home. Is there any other relative that can help you? Or a friend? Maybe borrow a friends clothes to go for a job interview. But, don't worry so much about the that. The person makes the clothes, the clothes don't make the person. And you seem to have a sweet personality. You are 20 years old now. I left home at 18 and I'm 21 now. I won't lie, it's not easy starting with nothing. But, sometimes you need to break free for your own peace of mind. I'm stressed as h**l lately but I am so much happier. Why don't you go to a salvation army store or something and find nice clothes for really cheap? I donated a lot of really nice things that people gave me when I didn't have anything. I knew there was gonna be someone else who would need them someday. And, if you ever need help and need to talk about these situations, there are so many places you can call just to talk. Search online. You'll be fine. Just take care of youself. :-)