Story ?

Question

I need some extra sentences just ideas though if you have any.. something mature good vocabulary a& such.. I got some help before the last 2 sentences bur i jsut can tthink striaght right now

thanks

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December 16, 1944 to January 25, 1945

It was cold… cold & snowy. A man named Jonathan Hampton was in the Ardennes Forest on the German/Belgium border. He was waiting for his next command while trying his best to ignore the shivering cold that was getting through his jacket. He thinks of his girlfriend Arabella, longing for her soft secure touch. A tear drifts down his cheek. “Damn he thought what if I don’t make it? What if I don’t ever see her again?... Finally Commanders Bernard Montgomery ,Dwight D. Eisenhower & the other 2 commanders order them to move in. He grabs his gun It was cold… cold & snowy. A man named Jonathan Hampton was in the Ardennes Forest on the German/Bel

Answer 1

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Answer 2

It was snowy day/night you do not need to emphasize cold when you are talking about snow. suggestion:  trying to ignore the cold that was biting through his jacket. suggestion: instead of tear running down cheek b/c guys tears are thicker than females usually take a while to form and then fall so I would say as a tear came to his eye he thought to himself... suggestion leave out other two commanders tends to leave you wondering who they were and is kind of overkill on the commanders. And when you are writing about a place give lots of detailed descriptions on the location its best to research it. With some tweaking you have the makings of a great story, but remember take your time don't rush the words will come. Good luck