Strange Marriage/Relationship advice?

Question

My husband is a crossdresser, and it's really starting the hurt our love life. I knew he liked it before we were married, and I was ok with a little bit on the weekends, and he said he was too. Unfortunately now we've been married for almost a year now and it's gotten (in my eyes) out of control. He swears he's not g*y, and I believe him, but it's getting to be a real turn off. Every day he begs me to tell him what to wear, and he wants it to be girly ex: skirt, heels, dressy top, makeup, etc. He wants me to threaten him to have to go out in public dressed that way, and then when I tell him I will, he drags it on and on and on with whining about how he doesn't want to. Which I know he does-he just wants me to "force" him. All this was OK in small batches. I'm very open minded, I saw it made him happy and that was good for me- but this is too much! Every day with this! Even when we are trying to be intimate as man and wife he will bring up the girly outfits and wanting me to threaten him. I'm a real tiger in bed, and the fact that I have to do that to turn him on bothers me deeply. I'm not saying I want to be bored in bed, but it's severely hurting my respect for him and our relationship. I just want a real man in bed, it bothers me to wake up next to a guy in a bra and panties almost every day. I have spoken to him about it and it hurts him terribly, and he makes me feel quite guilty for asking for it to stop. I don't know what to do! We are in counseling and there has been no improvement. I just want to feel like i'm doing the right thing. Please, help!

Answer 1

You must be coming off as the man in the family.  have you tried to be more feminine?    

It sounds like he must also need one on one therapy  beside the marriage counseling.

I don't know really what to say to make you feel better.  

Just tell him this sh*t has to stop.  Your marriage doesn't only involve him and his needs!   You have them too.`

Answer 2

crossdresser? and your still married to him? why?

Answer 3

I am actually speechless.

Answer 4

girl just deal with it or just get out [your choice ] 2008 going into 2009 listen to your heart and pray on it . good luck

Answer 5

Fact: You KNEW this when you married him so in his mind you're ok with it no matter how controlled or out of control he is.

You thought a little cross-dressing was fine but to him it was just a way of taking it further with your blessing. He's gone overboard now and as the saying goes you can't put the "c**p" back in the horse. He's not going back to square one so you have to decide what is best for you. He will not change because he does not want to. I don't know if I would call this a marriage, I don't know what this is. I know it's not "normal". The fact that your love life is affected would be the end for me. Kinky is one thing, this is so over the top I don't know what it's called. Good luck.

Answer 6

sounds like he just don't want to come out of the closet.  try marriage

counseling  

Answer 7

It sounds like your husband is more than a crossdresser; he's into BDSM (Bondage-Domination-Sadism-Masochism) which means he wants to "submit" while you "dominate." In general terms, he's carrying kinky up to the next level.

Being a crossdresser does not mean he's g*y. Being a crossdresser does not mean he's submissive. It's the begging thing and wanting you to give orders which show he probably would like to be submissive.

A lot of people do kinky things in bed. Tying each other up, spankings, blindfolds, role-playing, etc, all count as kinky. However, it's bad when it begins to affect your marriage in a negative way.

It's not your fault he's kinky. It's not your fault that it bothers you. It doesn't sound like he was totally open with you regarding all of his fantasies and it's not fair that he's trying to change the rules of your marriage without consulting you.

I'd recommend reading Dossie Easton's "When Someone You Love is Kinky." I'd also recommend that you find a "kink-friendly" counselor to help your marriage. Local BDSM groups may be able to help you there.

His kinky fantasies may end up being a deal-breaker for you. Before you decide, though, I'd recommend you learn as much as possible about kinks and how to deal with them. Then make a decision based on what you want in your life.

Answer 8

You have your own needs: to be loved, held, and feel protected by a man, and to love and honor a man you can respect.

In most cases a woman can marry a heterosexual crossdresser without any major problems.  That is because most heterosexual crossdressers consider their condition an problem and they are willing to make compromises with their wife.  

Compulsive crossdressers feel a NEED to crossdress.  Their brains are hard-wired to release neurotransmitters when they crossdress, and this produces a sensation of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratificatin and self-identity.  These neurotransmitters affect the reward centers of their brain, so it mimics the addiction response.

Your husband has problems on several levels: He is a compulsive crossdresser, he is into dominance/submissive sexual gratification, and he doesn't understand, or care, about your personal needs.  He acts very immature.

As the wife in a crossdressing relationship you need to establish the limits of tolerance.  Set some rules like:  Keep it private, Never in my clothes, Never in our intimate times... It is a turn off for you, and he needs to understand that.  You are open minded and will allow it a couple times a week.  You may not be able to respond to his dominanace/submissive sexual role-play.  He needs to respond to your needs as much as you need to respond to his.

Nature tells us that it is healthy for boys to want to be boys and for girls to want to be girls.  Social convention tells us that boys wears pants and girls wear skirts.  Social convention can change but nature doesn't.  Crossdressing is a matter of social convention.  While you may consider yourself as open-minded you have also discovered that you have limits on propriety,  

Answer 9

I m so sorry for you and can understand you are going through what, think psychatrist can help, Gold Bless!

Answer 10

he needs to know that his fetish is more than you can take ...either he gets it under control or it will ruin your marriage ... If you are more important than the fetish .. he will listen ... if not you may need to divorce him.

Answer 11

most transvestites [cross dressers] aren't g*y they just have a woman's clothes fetish.

I think if you cannot live with it, and I could not, you should seek a divorce and find a man that doesn't have this issue.

Answer 12

The only one allowed to wear panties in my relationship is me! Sounds like you married a good friend and not a very good lover. While s*x isn't everything, it is important. If counseling isn't working then maybe it's time for a separation or divorce. You don't want to be unhappy and you don't want him to be something he is not. Good luck.

Answer 13

If you are not happy, you know the only way out of it is divorce. He will not change, that's who he is. the only thing that can probably change he can do it behind your back and I doubt that would contribute to your happiness.

Answer 14

He hasn't changed.  He was doing this before marriage.  I suggest you talk to him about it.  Tell him that you don't like it anymore.