Stressed out mom please help =(?

Question

So I had a baby a month ago, and I also have a 5 year old that keeps me busy aswell. I live with my partner's mother. I am having mother in law problem when my boyfrien's mom trys to mother my child - 5 year old. She tell him "go get ready for bed" "no liquids after 7pm cause he pees the bed" and such things like that. It is bothering me, also I had a public health nurse come in to see me few days after having the baby -she wont go away.. I needed my privatcy & talk with the Nurse...

I very much apprieciate her help supporting me any my partner, but what should I do? talk to my boyfriend about this?

talk to the mother? my boyfriend is the kinda guy that wont even bother to listen me if i have talk to him... Im sorta mad at him anyway cause I be up all night breastfeeding, when I pump I wash the bottles and sterlize, cook dinner, take the 5 year old to school, look after a infant and the day dosent end. He never helps me!!!!! I feel so alone =(

Answer 1

It's your boyfriends responsibility to take care of issues involving his mother as it would be yours if your mother were the issue. It sounds like his mom is under the impression that help is needed though. Perhaps you and your boyfriend need to act with more maturity and responsibility to show her otherwise?

Answer 2

Can you find other living arrangements?  Saying "my boyfriend is the kinda guy that wont even bother to listen me"  is a great indication that your relationship with him is in trouble.  His mother probably knows what kind of person he is and is just trying to help you any way she can.

Answer 3

I am in a similar predicament. I am a SAHM mom with a one yr old and a hyper 5 yr old. My husband is no help, I have no family around and I am trying to finish a Bachelors in nursing all at the same time. There are days when I want to cry from the stress. I wish I could just have 1 hr to myself. I think there are lots of us out ther, stressed moms. It is not as easy as people think. I will say a prayer for you and I hope you get some good answers.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like she is trying to help you but maybe going a little overboard.  If you think your boyfriend won't bother to listen, try to discuss it with her yourself.  Try saying, very nicely, I really appreciate all the help you're giving us but when you tell my son what to do I feel like you're pushing in between us.  I want to put my child to bed myself so he'll know who his mom is.  When the nurse came, I would have just flat out said, Could you excuse us a minute, I need to ask the nurse something privately.  This will all bother you a lot less when you are getting more sleep!

Answer 5

Hmmm that sucks. I would say to talk to him and tell him to get his mother to back off (I have done this in the past). Can you not tell him how much it is really bothering you and that you are likely to leave? It's not good that he doesn't help you and if he doesnt listen then you have to force him to listen or leave.

Answer 6

I would either ask him to get his mom to back off a little bit or just talk to him about it in general and tell him how exhausted all this is making you.  I know it would be awkward for me to ask my mom to back off but if it was important to the one I love then it's something I would do as I'm sure my mother would understand anyway.  It's likely her parenting instincts taking over but then again I don't know her personally.  Maybe she sees how much you are doing and is trying to help but just doesn't realize how her involvement is making you feel?  In any case it is rather bad that he doesn't help you at all, you sound like you're dealing with a lot but do try to resolve it if you can.  If he does not listen to your concerns then perhaps try approaching the mother directly.  It always helps to have someone on your side through difficult times.

Answer 7

Oh my!

well how about i be the bad person and tell you to see the positive side of this. Let the mother in law do all she wants. She probably feels like she is losing her son. remind her she gained a daughter in law and 2 grandchildren, she didn't lose a son. if she needs responsibilities give her specifics on what you need help with. your partner might not want to hurt his moms feelings and appreciates the help, since he is over worked. its a stressful  moment for all.

i know you won't like me when you read this, but when all gets back to normal you might appreciate these words.

good luck.

take it one day at a time.

we've all been there

Answer 8

you are paying the price for having two children and not having a job or why else are you living with his mom?  If he doesn't have a job he darn well needs to get one, honey, and get the two of you out of there, so you can start ordering him around like every husband needs to be.  And he needs to get off his butt and help out or tell him you're gonna move out and leave him and he will have to pay child support!@@