Stuck in the middle...?

Question

so, i'm feeling stuck in the middle between my friend, and my trainer. We always seem to get into trouble together (not like, silly trouble.. like big trouble) and trainer doesn't like her much. They both have problems with each other, and both vent to me about it.

Obviously the relationship with Trainer is important, she feeds my horse and works REALLY hard to keep me owning my horse and taking lessons. She likes us and without her i wouldn't own my horse, and he would probably be dog food and glue.

But at the same time, the friend is really sensitive and doesn't have anyone horsey to compare things too.. she likes advice, and i really like her horse, and i get him (and she doesn't so much) so i'd worry about him if she was just riding herself.

There was quite and incident today and i'm really feeling a need to stop this with me in the middle, but i have no idea what to do!

Answer 1

she's relying on you more than the trainer, and that's not good.. you should tell her to "ask the trainer" or something...and of course in ANY horse emergency you HAVE to help!! no matter what!! no matter if it's Satan's horse..if it's a horse, HELP IT..but if it's a minor issue like what kind of tack? what shows? how to do this while riding? those kind or questions..tell her to ask the trainer

maybe it's something deeper? i dunno why don' they like each other for 21 she seems immuature lol no offence

Answer 2

You need to concentrate on YOUR horse. I know it sounds mean, but HER horse is HER responsibility, not yours. You have to tell her that she doesn't know enough about horses to own one, and without experience her horse is suffering. She needs to sell her horse, it will be better for the three of you. She needs to call a vet to get her horse treated, then list him for sale. In the mean time, tell your trainer that the madness should stop pretty soon. Sorry to sound so harsh...

Answer 3

phew,well being stuck in the middle is no fun !!

since you value your trainer,,I would have a talk with her and let her know how your feeling about the situation

make your feeling clear to both,and let the trainer know that you want to be able to help this other person, but you dont want to be in the middle and if she has a problem with this other person she needs to go to her and stop putting you in the middle

have a talk with this other girl as well,and explain to her how you  feel,and explain to her that while you enjoy the company of her horse and helping her,,you dont value being put in the middle

Let them both know it needs to stop and they need to deal with there issues alone and leave you out of it

Your only option is to speak up and let them know this and how you feel or stay stuck in the middle

Answer 4

how old are you guys,  I would talk to your friend about it

Answer 5

I'm sorry, that's super hard. But for me, the answer is easy. Keep the trainer.

Tell this girl that you feel you can't be close friends, or even play your parents into this and tell her they say you're too old and they won't let you hang out. But if you're concerned for her horse tell her you'll always be there in case she has horse questions or need something, you just can't be hanging out.

You are very much caught in the middle, but I think your horse comes before that girl's horse or her. Yes, it's good to be a friend to someone, but this is a life in your hands. This is your commitment. Sometimes you have to make a choice for yourself more than for someone else. It sounds selfish but trust me, this horse will forever be on your side and love you, but what happens with this girl? One day she hates you and you're not friends or she grows up more and moves elsewhere? People come and go, but 'family' will always be with you. Make the choice.

I know, it's tough, but I think you know in your heart that you need to put your horse before some silly girl who doesn't know how to take care of hers. Just let her know you'll be there if she needs advice and what-not, but you can't be friends with her any longer because of the trouble you get into.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I know how this feelings. HOnestly, if I were you, I'd say stick with the trainer. You sound like that without her, you wouldn't be in the horse world at all. And it sounds like she has your best interest in mind. I'd stick with her if I were you.

You can tell your friend that if she ever needs horsey advice that she can call you and ask, but you don't want to be friends with her. And she should know to call the vet if the horse is colicing. Not call you.

But whatever the choice is, it is yours. I would stay with your trainer though.

Answer 7

you do not need to pick one or the other, you need to tell them that they need to come together and work things out themselves. although at times we may think that our horses are more important then our friends (trust me, i know. ive spent the whole summer with my horses and only a few days with my friends) but there not. im not saying there less importannt but you cant just choose one. make them talk through their issues and work it out themselves

Answer 8

You can't have it both ways.  Either tell them both you don't want to hear about it, or stay in the middle.  But you could end up with both of them mad at you...it happens that way sometimes.  Go figure.....

Answer 9

It's her horse to worry about. If she ruins him, it's not your fault. You pay for your trainer, not your friend. Theres a reason you pay her, its because she does good work. Just because your friends with someone dosen't make them good. I'd say stick with your trainer.

Answer 10

Well, how is your relationship with your trainer? If it's close, I'd stick with her because she works hard to help you out. For me, it would be no competition b/c my trainer/boss is practically my mom. She's family as far as I'm concerned...besides, it's not easy to find a great trainer, but again it depends on who is of greater importance to you.