Tacky neighbor take 2?

Question

Sorry, I posted this question before, but I phrased it wrong. I'll try again:

My daughter's first birthday party is next weekend. We have acres of land which we share between our house and the landlords'. The landlord's wife and I talk and sometimes shop together, so were *kind of* like friends. Her friend and her friend's daughter will be visiting their house that weekend and she just asked me if the two (her friend and the friend's daughter) could ALSO come to the party (landlord and family are already invited) because they'll already be here. I said I didn't think I'd have enough food, and she said she'd make her friend bring something. I need to say no nicely, although I'd like to tell her she was completely rude for even asking that question. I don't want to rock the boat with the landlord, though. Suggestions?

Answer 1

so then what's the harm in them attending?  you don't have to know them to be nice enough to invite them?  you said this was your kid's first bday party - sure it's not yours?

Answer 2

I HATE POEPLE THAT DO THAT!!!YOU NEED TO TELL HER YOU JUST CAN'T DO IT BUT MAYBE THEY COULD COME OVER TO PLAY AFTER THE PARTY.

Answer 3

I don't really think it was all that rude, people do that all the time, she is torn between coming to your party and being a good host to her visitors, she is trying to fix the solution the best she knows how without any hurt feelings, I'm sure the 2extra guests wont be that big of a deal, i have had friends call me just hours before a party and ask if they could bring someone, i always say yes, because i know that they are just doing the best they can in the situation given.  if you really don't have enough food, at least you warned them ahead of time, if they still want to drop by to wish her a happy birthday, then just let them bring their own food, a child's party isn't supposed to feed everyone a meal, maybe a little cake, but that's all that should be expected, anything else is just a privilege. i wouldn't worry about it too much, they probably wont even stay very long. good luck.

Answer 4

They have no business inviting others, but how do you not upset them when you say no? I don't think it can be done.  They should just tell you they can't make it because they have guests coming.   I would have to say to keep the peace you should just let them come.  I've had in-laws who have asked if we could celebrate their children's birthdays when we have invited them to come over to celebrate our children's birthdays.  They want to mix everyone together.  Some people really don't think.

Answer 5

Miss Manners would say that she should have told the friends not to visit at all as she had already made previous plans!

Answer 6

I would simply say that I am unable to accommodate anymore guests and leave it at that. You are under no obligation to provide entertainment for her guests.

Answer 7

Well no I don't think it's rude...it would be even more rude of them to leave their house guests on their own to go to a party.

The fact that they said they'd bring something seems to indicate that they know bringing extra people could be an imposition, but it seems to me they're between a rock and a hard place and I think they're asking you, in their own way, to help them out with a somewhat difficult situation.

Will two extra people really deplete the amount of food that much even if they do bring something to the table?

Answer 8

they are probably thinking like i am what is the big deal, how much can they eat.  just let them come over.  is there some other underlying reason why you dont wont them over.  other than it was just rude for them to invite themselves over. which is understandable.  but its a child's party the more the merrier.  just let them come it will be fun.  relax.  and enjoy your daughters party.

Answer 9

I honestly don't see what the big deal is but then again I'm the more the merrier type of person.

I think it's kind of rude for her to ask her friend to bring something. Was she nice when she asked if she could bring them along?  She was rude to force the issue but could she have been responding to your tone and choice of words?

I would go with tact. Go see her. Just tell her how you feel.

Don't tell her that you thought she was tacky and rude.

I'm sorry to bring this up but I really don't want additional guests. It will be too awkward. I just would rather they didn't come since we don't know them.

edit: Think about this. Would you rather your landlord say that she can't come now because she has company?  There could be circumstances that you don't know about. Tread carefully. Things happen in life that you can't always plan and account for. How big of a battle is this really? I have found as I've gotten more life experience that you do need to pick your battles carefully or pay the price later and it will continue. Just beware.

For me, it would be a non-issue. It would be awkward but I know what it's like to be an outsider. I think the landlord should bring some food. That's what I would do. I would also offer to help with the clean up if I couldn't help with the set-up.

You have to do what is comfortable for you.

Edit: Definitely mention about the seating to although she might say, well we will bring some extra chairs. Is it outdoors or indoors?  You have more room outside usually.

edit: I can see your point more fully now. Just tell her the story so she understands your position.

I don't know them. We don't have enough food or chairs to accommodate them. I'm already a little bit stressed and don't need extra. This is for my daughter who is turning 1 so I will be busy attending to her and my guests.

Answer 10

Since the LL is already invited, she's in a bit of an awkward situation since she has company that day.  I think you let them come and be gracious about it.  Otherwise, she has to tell them "I'm going to a party and you stay home for a while".  

This kind of thing often happened to us back home, where we'd have more people at dinner than were planned for because someone dropped by or brought someone home unannounced.  We had a saying for it.

"Just slice the meat a little thinner".

Look, the food and the ice cream aren't the party.  The people are.

Answer 11

Well, it isn't a family of 12---it is two people who will just attend with your landlord.  No one will die or suffer harm.  Maybe it is a bit out of the ordinary to have a guest ask to bring more guests, but I think it shows how important you are to your landlord that they would even ask rather than beg off since they will have company.  Be a teensy bit flexible.  The world won't end.

Answer 12

Answer is the same, your landlord and/or his wife have no business adding someone to the guest list. It is tacky and rude.

Answer 13

think of it this way,  how would you feel if you were this little kids that heard a party next door and you couldnt' come.  

is it that much that two extra people come..?