Teaching my little brother?

Question

I don't know if its too late but help,

my brother is always treated nicely by my parents, but treating nicely isn't always good. My brother age of 8 has been really rudely to us and ofcourse im his older sister and I am trying to teach him its not easy.

Everytime he does something wrong my parents would leave it to me and I would just yell at him and teach him whats right and wrong. But these few weeks and started talking back at me like he knows my weakness. So everytime we do something, everyday he would atleast talk back 10-20 times and we would just ignore him but im over it and hes starting to teach his younger brother some of his attatude. It wuold be really nice if you guys can help me how to change my brother into a better person. Im really out of ideas, even my mom is angry at his attatude showing to his family. Please help I really want to change him into a nice mannered person.

Here are som example, is we call him for supper he would just be saying no and ignoring us.

Everyday after school he would just find something to argue about.

When I make him do homework (when hes suppose to) he would just ignore me and ger back to his video games.

Everytime my mother is on the phone he would talk in the background.

thats a few examples but there is worst I need some tips on how to teach a better person.

I don't know if thats how he shows his teacher at school but I still want to help. And now hes teaching my youngest brother help!

Any tips on teaching??

Answer 1

This is something your mom and dad should deal with. You're his sister and he knows you don't have as much power as your parents do. Take away his video games when hes sleeping just hide it or unplug it. Make rules

Example: Must finish homework before video games.

When he talks back make him have a time out (your parents should be doing this not you). Watch Super Nanny, very good show and good advice.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Yes, I agree...'tis sad this responsibility is falling on you...but it's wonderful you want to help.  Maybe you can talk with your parents about how this bothers you and ask them to support  you in helping your brother become a more respectful person.

The Love and Logic website has some free materials for you to read.  They also have these kinds of books at the library.

*  "Follow through".  Have your parents help you set the "dinner rules".  Example)  Supper is from 6:00P-6:30P.  Give him a five minute warning and ignore any backtalking.  "Fred, dinner will start in 5 minutes, I'll set the timer for you."  And in 5 minutes on the dot, begin dinner...do not wait for him, do not encourage, do not remind, do not yell at him, have NO interaction.  It's also very handy to set the timer again for 30 min.  If he decides to join you, smile and say something to the effect that, "glad to have you at the supper table and then drop the subject."  When the timer goes off at 6:30P, smile and say dinner's over.  Ignore ALL fits.  Clear the table, including his place setting.  It would be a great if your parents can help you choose an area where he can go if he has a fit...because he will that first time it happens.  Children will not starve themselves.  If he is a kid who is going to start problems at school by talking to his teachers and saying you won't let him eat...then BEFORE doing this, call the teacher up and explain that you are taking a Love and Logic approach and this is how supper is offered.  Most will support you.  I usually see a response of joining us at the table, as soon as the timer goes off, in about 2 session.  Seriously.  If he chooses to come to the table later and scarf...then make the supper time shorter.  The point it to get him to come when the timer goes off.   Remember no snacks unless it is an everyday occurance...not just because he is hungry.  You can set a healthy snack schedule that you offer EVERY DAY...not just on the days he chooses not to join you for supper.

* talking when someone is on the phone is pretty common.  I usually take my child by his hand and remove him to the "time away" chair until I'm finished...and then discuss it with him afterwards.  Try not to yell.  Another Love and Logic approach is to have a verbal "clue" in your voice... "uh-oh" naturally makes your mouth smile... so it's a good one...but you can smile with "bummer", "rats", "oh goodness"...whatever...and they are soon "trained" that a consequence is coming.

* homework... make the rule he has to do it as soon as he gets home from school...have your parents reinforce this by removing the video games and such from easy access...put it in a locked cupboard...high in a closet (where he doesn't know where it is at) until the homework is finished.  

Good luck.  PLEASE!  This behavior management is NOT your repsonsibility....you need support from your parents.  You can be kind/empathetic (and you should be :-)) in correction/guidance.  

Answer 3

Here is how you handle the dinner situation: send him to bed without eating if he does not come in after the 2nd time you ask him nicely to come in... he will learn that when it is time to eat he should eat because the kitchen is not open all night

As for the video games: unplug the gaming system and tell him that untill he can learn to listen he can not have such priveledges...DO NOT GIVE IT BACK untill he consistently does what he is suppose to do when he is told to do it

the talking while on the phone: I would try talking to him while he is talking to other people (especially if he is outside playing with friends...he may realize that he does it too and that it is hard to talk to someone when somone else is distracting you(him)

I hope this helps but you should have your parents do this and not you, he may think that just because you are the sibling he doesn't have to listen to you in which case...your parents will have to teach him that he needs to listen to anyone that tells him something to do.

Answer 4

This is for your mother and father...not an older sister.  They need to set the limits and enforce them and you should only help.  Sorry I do not have any hints...without your parents active participation it will not work.  Tell your mom:  mom you have to take charge of ----.  make some rules and see that he obeys them.  I will help.

Answer 5

You shouldn't always yell. It'll just make it worse. If he talks back, just say "ok", or "fine" and walk away go and do something else. If he doesn't want to do something your parents or you ask him, then ignore him. If he's doing something bad, like trying to break a window or something, then grab him, steer him away, and tell him that if he does it, your parents might get really angry and ground him for a month or two. I used to talk when my mother was on the phone too, and she was really angry after she was done, so she made me stand at a wall for two or three hours while she was in the same room watching TV. If your brother's younger brother does the same thing, then do what I told you to him.

Answer 6

I'm not sure who needs to be taught more - your brother or your parents.

This is borderline neglect and I hope your parents wake up to that fact before there are bigger consequences.  

I would tell your parents you are not responsible for it any more and they need to step up to the plate.

Answer 7

Ask Mum & Dad to implement a reward scheme.

Little bro gets to play his favourite video game after he has finished his home work.  Meanwhile you have his power lead. ;]

Make sure your parents realise you are to be put in charge.  But make absolutely sure you never bully him, no matter how hard it is if you make the mistake of being to harsh it won't work.  After all it wouldn't with you would it?

[EDIT]  Great advice there from Amber - as for the reponsibility maybe your parents have no real choice but to rely on you.  But sometimes no matter how grown up we feel, it is only years later we look back embarrassed at the things we got wrong because, really, we were just that little bit too young to deal with what we were faced with.  Just remember you are not your Mum - you will want to date boys and such.  When that time comes you will not find it very easy if you have wrapped yourself in responsibility that you didn't need to take.