Thinking of a biracial adoption?

Question

Hi. My husand and I are both white, caucasian, however you want to say it. Last nite a lady from our church told us about a woman who was pregnant with her 4th child, but didn't want to keep it b/c the child is half black/half white, and her current boyfriend is white, and she doesn't want him to know that she was with a black man (stupidity, I know). Anyway, the lady was wondering if my husband and I would be interested in the baby.

Now, here is my question I guess. Do you know of caucasians who adopted a biracial baby and had problems? Either with themselves later on, or did the child have problems later? I know some will say it shouldn't matter what other people think, but I don't to cause a child pain because of my decision. I want to make an informed decision, and I've been on other websites to see other people's opinions. I know by asking on here, I am going to open myself up to stupid, hateful answers, but I will take that chance for a few good answers.

Answer 1

As the adoptive mother of a biracial child my best advice is:

  Do NOT bring a biracial or other minority child into an all-white environment. You must have a support system of family and friends that are diverse. The child should always have access to folks they can identify with.

  Read as many books as you can on Adopting Transracially.

Celebrate and acknowledge your child's differences. Let them know it's okay to talk about skin color. Answer there questions honestly and always leave the door open for more discussion. This may sound trivial but educate yourself on skin care and hair care of biracial children. A friend at work who is biracial was an invaluable resource for me.

Acknowledge their feelings when people or other children make comments and they will, be prepared. Do not delude yourself that "Love is enough and it will make everything better."

Having your feelings validated goes a long way. When children know there feelings matter it solidifies the parent/ child relationship.

Answer 2

In this situation,  your issue would not be with the race of the child,  but with the fact that the biological mother WILL change her mind and want the child back.  In the US the law is such that even after an adoption is completed the biological mother has legal recourse to change her mind and come take her child back for 6 months from the finalization date.  

If she wants to give up this child because of the child's race,  she seems really fickle and shouldn't be allowed to have children,  but it sounds like a bad situation.  I hope you can adopt the baby and get it away from her,  but I expect there to be a lot of heartache with this one.  

I hope she is not able to get the baby back,  and I hope she doesn't abuse this child.  If this is someone who lives in your same town,  realize that she will be seeing you and the child regularly,  and that may well be a detrimental thing for the baby.

Answer 3

My wife and I are Caucasian;

My oldest daughter is East Indian;

My middle daughter is Caucasian; and



My youngest daughter is First Nations (Native American)

No problems all around.  We are a mixed family and we don't think twice about it.  Others notice more then we do.

Answer 4

Hi there!

If you're thinking about a transracial adoption, the first thing you must do is divorce yourself from the #1 myth about transracial adoption.

That myth being: Race does not matter.

Race matters very much.  It is one of the defining characteristics of an individual... your child... therefore, it should be very important to the adoptive parent that the child develops a positive racial/ethnic identity.   And it will be up to you, the adoptive parent, to make sure this happens.  

Check out some books: Inside Transracial Adoption and In Their Own  Voices.  Great resources.  Challenging and make you do some serious self-examination.  

Another bit that often gets overlooked, you will need to learn how to care for ethnic hair/skin.  It's not the same as Caucasian hair/skin.  For girls especially, if you can't learn how to braid (I'm hopeless.  My daughter laughs at me when I try!) then find someone who can help you or take your child to an ethnic salon.  

Transracial adoption does have unique challenges.  They aren't insurmountable, but you do need to acknowledge that they will be there.  The race of your child may not matter to YOU.  Parental love can be colorblind.  But our society is not.  And you'll have to teach your child how to face the challenges of living in a society that does still pass judgement based on color.

Answer 5

You &  your husband doesn't need a child of a different race! You're not adopting a puppy. If you have to ask, then DONT DO IT. My son is biracial so i find your question insulting.

Obama's Mother is white.... Who knows, that kid could turn out to be the next president of the united states... Like Obama

Answer 6

i worked in a daycare center where thier was a couple who adopted two girls, one was bi-racial and the other was black. the couple is white. my point is that there will always be talk about two white people with "black" babies, but those kids were happy and loved. that is all that matters.

Answer 7

truth is, this world we live in is very biased and crude.. however the baby didntt ask for it. biracial or not, the baby deserves all the love it can get, so with adopted familys the goal is to show the child love and appreciate them as much as you would your own bilogical child. noone can hide from iggnorant people, there everywhere, but as long as you raise the child lovely and show the child that a person's color does not make up who they will be someday, you will know in your heart you did all you can do.as far as the one lady who wants to get rid of the baby b/c she slep with a black man and dosnt want the new b/f to know about it.. she should never have the right to have children.. what loser of a person she is.. put it this way.. she is saying that being with a man from a different race in bed is ok, but its  not ok to bring a child into this world that is mixed.  its not about what the new b/f will think, its her own selfish ways that need to be addressed.. i think you should consider adopting what ever race the baby is... strong minds, strong parents, strong/postive morals = a better future and outcome.. thats my opinion.

Answer 8

go for it.

Answer 9

I guess I don't see how this is any different than all those white couples that go to China for babies.  At least that baby is 1/2 white and if he looks white in appearance then there won't be much identity issues.  But when differences are obvious like the little Chinese kid that doesn't look a thing like the parents, problems are bigger.

Answer 10

I think it's a fine idea if you want a child.  Raising a child is always a bag full of unknowns!!  This is one of those mysteries you're finding out before he/she gets here.  I think it is important to consider your extended families -- you would not want to bring the child into an extended family that would not be ok with the child being bi-racial.  Also, it may depend on the part of the world/country you are in.  Bi-racial children/relationships are more the norm in some places.  

I worked for an adoption agency that would have these issues come up.  Often caucasion families would adopt cildren of a different race, or even bi-racial.  I've seen many wonderful situations work out.

Good luck!!

Answer 11

I think it's very insightful (and might I say rare) of you to consider how the child might feel about the situation and that is so admirable.

The Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute has some interesting reading on this subject.  I hope you find this useful:

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/index.p...

I'd also suggest reading blogs from adoptees in this situation to get an idea of how things really are for them.  You may find some here, or via links to the blogs here:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

I'm sure you will hear alot of folks saying it makes not difference, that a child is a child blah blah.  I'm sure it makes no difference to adults who love child unconditionally but; as you rightly state - it's the child's feelings that matter - something that often gets overlooked in adoption

Answer 12

Well, yes, there will always be people who have an issue with it.  Rude narrow minded people who will make hateful comments.  Everyone has their own opinons. I believe you need to do what is in your heart.   There will always be bumps in the road.  You need to do what is right in your heart. Good Luck.

Answer 13

i dont think the race should be a problem. if the baby is biracial so what? i am biracial. why would someones race give them problems? i dont think it would.

but people in the world are just very small minded and mean. and they proabaly wont like it but that shouldt matter to you. all the baby wants is to be loved.