This is a weird one...?

Question

I understand if you have answered too many of these questions but still thank you in advance.

Why is my sister so emotionally abusive?

I am 20 years old, just moved back home with my wonderful parents because they missed me and i have a sister who is 21 years old.

She is labeled as a strong character in the family and enjoys getting into arguments with me, my parents and anyone who has legs.

I lived with her for 8 months last year and she was very controlling and still is. I've taking the approach of just leaving the situation, not speaking to her because every time I talk to her, she will correct me on something or try to prove that I am wrong. I would call her very aggressive.

Now here is the kicker, I love her and when we are not fighting, we get along real well, best friends laughing non stop, but as soon as i commit an error she will hassle me and start an argument. So I'm slowly drifting away from her because when the abuse happens i feel like curling up into a ball and dying.

I get close to her but then i get bitten by her so I put my guard up and it just seems to be going in a cycle.

I want to fix this but i have trouble speaking to her and explaining my feelings because she manipulates YOUR feelings to show her "innocence".

I'm not trying to cause a battle, but my main intention is to preserve peace. So what i always end up doing is staying quiet and not saying anything at all.

She is a hypocrite because we had a deep conversation the other day about that we should treat our parents like kings and queens and i agreed with her gave her no hassle at all (she admitted that she needs to make an improvement but the main purpose was for me to change my attitude).

So today me, my father and my sister went to watch the dark knight. I drove, paid for dinner, paid for popcorn etc(all which she suggested would be showing our parents they are kings) so far i was following all the rules except on the way back we stopped to get gas and my dad wanted to pay because he is so kind. So i was fueling and standing outside with my dad temperature was about 8 degrees celsius. Now my dad lectures me whenever he is at the gas station and i am present he says always grab the reciept which i do because someone can steal all your money something bogus. He said it again tonight, i did not explode or anything i was all calm, i simply sat down in the drivers seat and said to my sister every time he lectures me about the receipt, and she replies "YOU LEFT HIM OUT IN THE COLD" and i lost it a bit and got trapped into her games and said how did i leave him there, you could of at least come outside and waited with us instead of being on the phone. Then she tells my dad and he says it wouldn't be necessary, i was just defending myself. I was quiet the whole way back and just drove.

So i come here for some advice anything is appreciated.

Im just at the point I don't want to know her anymore because she is too emotionally controlling, shes moving out town in about two weeks.

Answer 1

when iam having problems in my family we usually just fight lol then get over it  

Answer 2

if i were you i would just tell her that i love you but you are emotionaly abusing me, your words hurt me, basically just confront her about how she makes you feel before she leaves.  

Answer 3

Your sister treats you like this because you allow it! Next time she wants to correct you on something or just blatantly start an argument stand your ground. Have some self confidence and stick up for yourself, stop letting her railroad you! You have to own your feelings and thoughts, don't let her tell you you're wrong about something you feel. Once you show her you're not going to let her run all over you and that you have a backbone I think she'll back off.

Answer 4

tell her she's a douche bag, and ignore her. ignoring works great it p****

people off

Answer 5

that sucks.she sounds like a *****.

& i think you answered your own question in your last line...

"shes moving out town in about two weeks"

problem solved. & if you keep your distance until she leaves she might get the picture.. you don't deserve to be treated like that.

Answer 6

is it possible that she sees you as the apple of your parents eye and is massivly jealous of you. probably thats why she tries to "correct" you . so as to prove to herself and to you that you are not as good as you are made out to be.

its good that she is moving out. i dont think you should waste your energies on trying to please her. she will NEVER be satisfied with whatever you do. so just ignore her. do your own thing. when she sees that she is unable to control you in any whichever way, she will still complain[ porbably to your parents, friends, relatives, etc]. but IGNORE her. she has to get over her own insecurities herself and not by picking on you all the time.but people like her rarely change. she will find someone else to pick on. trust me. i have seen such kind. just dont pay any attention to her if you want to keep your sanity intact.

Answer 7

OMG ur sister and my mom are the same person haha jk but yeah my mom is exacly the same, and even if she is wrong she never admits it and keeps arguing even way past i prover her wroing and most of the time she wont even let me speak, but what i do is just listen and sometimes ignore she cant keep arguing if i dont say anything back i just let it go, what i would do is sit with ur sister and ask her this question, why she does what she does and she might argue with u and make uxcuses but she will know what u r talking about and hopefully it will change for the better

Answer 8

not sure about your situation but, u "moved back coz they missed you", "wonderful parents" maybe they are but at 20 u should have your own independance, maybe she feels like your wonderboy in their eyes, and she gets sidelined.  especially if shes moving out of town, maybe shes sick of competing for their attention.

Answer 9

Hmmm it sounds like she just under a lot of stress herself. What I would do is sit her down, perhaps even while she's in argument mode to make your point a little clearer. Sit her down and tell her that you love her and your glad your home, and you know she is too, and that you both(make sure to include yourself or it sounds like you'll spark a fight)keep fighting over things that have no point. Tell her that you hate it when you two argue and you know you could get along much more often then you are. Hopefully she will agree with you, and then you should set up a "code word" or something you can say to her when she starts an argument to let her know that it doesnt need to happen. If that doesnt work, simply ignore it. You cant fight with someone that doesnt talk back right? As long as you keep reminding her that they are not necessary and ignore her when she starts up. Maybe she'll stop, and in the mean time if she begins to start an argument, try and change the subject, but keep it really light. Hope I helped.