To soon for couples counseling?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage lately. My co-worker suggested that we go to pre-marital counseling, but we've dating for 8 months and I think it's too soon to go to pre-marital counseling, especially when were not officially engaged. Should we wait till we're "officially" engaged to go?

Answer 1

Yes, you should wait until officially engaged until going to couples counseling. Most of it is based on the assumption that there is a marriage in the air, and to help you two work together towards a long term relationship together. It might well frighten him off if he's not ready for that level of commitment yet.  

Answer 2

Yes, if your not even engaged don't go to premarital consuling. But if your having problems already I would re evaluate and maybe seek relationship counseling...

I really wouldnt go until you have a date set, that brings out the stress and all the ugliness so thats when you'll need the help the most... good luck

Answer 3

8 months of dating? You are just dating, you are not engaged and why do you want to bring a 3d person into relationship when everything is fine? That might only make it worse. Just communicate with each other and you don't need any strangers while you don't have any problems. 8 months is a short period. You are still infatuated with each other, test your love with time.

Answer 4

It couldn't hurt. It sounds to me like the two of you are trying to decide whether or not marriage would be a good idea. Perhaps some counseling would add enlightenment to your relationship that would push that decision in one direction. Talk it over with your boyfriend and see what he thinks.

Answer 5

My husband and I did pre-marital counseling with our pastor when we were engaged. Friends of mine did pre-marital counseling with some of their married friends before they were even engaged. They believed it really helped them get a good idea about marriage and if they were even ready to be engaged yet.  

Answer 6

Wait until you are sure about marriage

Answer 7

Honey, the sooner the better. I think a mistake that lots of people make is saying that they will get counseling only when it seems the relationship is getting sour. Go for it and get counseling NOW because you never know what you might discover about yourself or each other that could change things......for the better or for the worse. if you're really serious about him you shouldn't wait for a formality such as a marriage ceremony to dictate whether or not you two are cut out for the challenges of marriage. Good luck, dear.

Answer 8

unless you are engaged or have firm plans most counselors wont counsel you.  There is just too much and too many Couples with problems that need help. Using time on a Boyfriend girlfriend thing really takes time from people who need help to save their marriages.

I know it sounds harsh, but you two need to communicate and work on issues and see if your going to commit. Too many issues now will only be compounded in marriage.

Answer 9

my answer to you is that you are already talking about being married.You do not want to scare him.Being marriedin a man and a wwoman'seyes can be very diff.You know you have the right guy if he has most of your views.....you can find that out yourself.Tell him lets have fun and do a test we each pick 5 questions that are really iimportantto us......you take turns and ask.....with a open mind.....most of forget about small things like....after a long days work and we both are tired how much of the house work do you feel you want to be apart of and can commit......or how many kids do you want if any and what are your ways of time out,spanking what is your thoughts.......My point is you can do that now but i agree that you need to go before you get marmarriedt you will know when you find out more just by talking to eaceach other

Answer 10

Why would a co-worker suggest this?  Do you fight a lot, or was this person just being nosy?  Many ministers will require pre-marital counseling before they will marry you, but that is usually after the engagement and after you've set the date.  If you really feel you need counseling after only 8 months of dating, you may want to re-think the marriage thing.

Answer 11

Couple's counseling is not a bad idea but just may not be necessary.  If you've already discussed marriage, this is a great opportunity to figure out if you really are right for each other.  Planning a wedding takes all the focus off the relationship and squarely on the event.  It's really important that you remain sensible and appreciate romantic gestures for just that and not something you necessarily have to improve upon and build on the next time.

There's a great book called Lies at the Alter by Dr. Robin Smith.  It's a good read.  And if you're honest with yourself, you'll definitely know by the time you finished if he's the guy for you.  They give you roughly 300 questions you should ask a potential mate, ways to resolve conflict effectively and most importantly, helping you discover if you want to marry for the right reasons.  I've read it a few time.  When I've come to a relationship crossroad I reread it and it seems like the first time because certain situations have altered my view point.

So wait until you're "officially engaged" to go to pre-marital counseling but until then get this book or any book that will be helpful in assessing your relationship.  And be serious about it.  It baffles me how people think relationships don't take work and arguing is a sure sign of a bad relationship.  The fact is like any other aspect of your life, relationship can both care-free and troublesome.  You must work on them just like you do anything else you want to be good at.

I'm sure you can find an excerpt online.  I believe the book will prevent you from falling into relationship traps by raising your awareness on the motivation behind your actions and determining what's best for you and ultimately the relationship.

Hope this helps.

Good luck to you~