Toddler says I Hate You?

Question

I had a talk with my toddler yesterday about using the words I hate you when she is upset and I gave her alternatives to use, yesterday we flushed all bad words away and promised to use words like I am angry, I am upset as opposed to I hate you.

My toddler did fine for the rest of the night and the begining of the day but then when I told her no ice cream before bed time she said I hate you and i reacted by saying sternly

that we are not supposed to use those words and I told her she's going straight to bed.

Before when she used to say this I used to tell her I loved her but then I thought about how those words sounded and I wanted to instill in her better ways of expressing her emotions and so I think in doing so I gave her power over me.

What should I do when she says I hate you, I don't want to just say I love you becuase i want her to learn better ways to express herself.

What should I do, should I not waste my breath trying to teach her other words to use instead ?

Answer 1

I think it's a worthy cause.  Everytime she says it say "We do not use those words" and have her say how she feels in another way.  Maybe have her draw pictures of different ways she feels, and put words to them?  Like make different faces for different emotions, which will help her figure out what she's feeling.  They make charts like that too, so the child can point to the faces that show how they're feeling.  Getting her to verbalize her emotions is a great idea that is giving her life skills.

Answer 2

I went through this with my 3yr old.  This is what worked for me....  When he said I hate you, I would say "we don't say that in this house.  We say, I am angry.".  After enough repetition, it worked.  

On a side note:   The first time I told him that we don't say I hate you...in his angriest little voice, he stomped his foot and said "FINE!  I LOVE YOU", ran out of the room and sat in his time out chair!!  I laughed so hard and was surprised that he gave himself a timeout!!!

Answer 3

well it takes 30 days to break a habbit... so keep reminding her not to say that and give her a reward if she can last 1 week and do that evry week to inspire her to stop

Answer 4

I had the same problems. Try explaining the meaning of "Hate" again and punish her. You did good by disciplining her at first and toddlers take time to learn. She will understand it after a few days probably. Toddlers can be tough to deal with and you need to stay strong and show them who the adult is. Continue Teaching her "Safe" words when she gets angry, for example "Bear" or "Lion" or use her favorite animal. Tell her this "Safe" Word means that things are getting out of hand and you need to calm down. hope everything goes good and good luck =D

Answer 5

that is so tough.   Hard to hearthose words from anyone, especially your own child.  I think I would say "I am sorry that you feel that way.  It hurts me very much when you say that to me.  I will always love you.  I know you are upset but you are getting ......"

Good luck.  Hugs.

Answer 6

Welcome to the Club!  It is not uncommon for them to start saying that at this age.  When my daughter said that to me I either said, Well I don't hate you, I love you.

Or I just ignored it, the more attention you pay to it the more they will use it.  Especially if they know it bothers or gets a reaction out of you. At this age they can't comprehend  the difference between upset and angry and hate. It is all the same to them.

Answer 7

Don't waste your energy...she is pushing the envelope.  Be very matter of fact,.."We aren't using that word any more, remember we flushed it?" She is after your reaction. She doesn't really have a handle on what it means except you get upset.  Negative attention is still attention.  

When she is four she will use p**p and other derivitives to get your attention.  I know one mother who just lost it when her four year old called her an "Old POOPY head."  I was 'roflma' because it is such a four year old thing to do.  The mother thought I was nuts.  She could not believe her child 'disrepected her' so .  It took a while to calm her down and explain that it had nothing to do with respect or lack thereof.  It was just four year old language and she needed to roll with it.

Answer 8

I think you sound like a great mum!!!! I am not a mum but I think you have the right values and morals that you want to instil into your child. Dont think its a waste of time - stick to what you beleive is right!!!

Answer 9

It sounds like you're handling it well.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, in my experience, explaining why they shouldn't use those words only gave more importance to the words themselves. And I started hearing it more frequently, because I would give a lot of attention in trying to dissuade them from saying it. It worked better when I would just say "Well, I love you" and leave it at that. If I quit making it so important, it stopped. At that age they don't understand how harsh those words are, just the effect it gets from us. Good luck.

Answer 11

She obviously learned it from someone. Make sure you don't use harsh words around your kid, and don't let others do it either.