Uninterested Grandpa?

Question

My FIL is a complete jerk. He only cares about himself and his wife (who is 35, 4 years older than me). When he comes to visit us, which isn't often because we live in a different town he hardly speaks to my son who's 2, except to correct what he thinks is bad behaviour (knocking down a block tower they built). He plopped himself on our couch and put on a Chicago DVD he's seen a thousand times and when my son tugs on his hand and says "Grandpa Play?" he shooes him away. On his birthday he showed up 2 hours late for a 3 hour party, and then complained when we didn't hold the cake for him, after countless times of trying to call him. Turns out he was at the dog park. I'm so sick of this behaviour. I know my hubby is too, but he pretty much just accepts his dad for who he is. I think that the older my son gets, the more he will notice and he'll get hurt. I feel like banishing him but I know that won't happen. I just want to shield my son from hurt. What can I do?

Answer 1

Not everyone is good with kids.  Your son will learn this as he gets older and probably won't even care.  My grandparents were terrible when I was really small - they got more interested as we became tweens & teens.

Answer 2

I feel your pain, my in-laws moved 4 hours away when my daughter was 4 months old. For no apparent reason,

(no job, higher cost of living, ect, it seemed as if they just wanted away from us) She is now 5, if my kids are any indication. He will not have his feelings hurt. He will if anything love him more because of the lack of attention. I have finally accepted the fact that they are a** holes and have now moved on. The only thing that keeps me up when they get started is knowing that years down the line when they are old enough they will know that these people are not "loving" individuals and they will "reward" them with the same behavior when they need it most. I have decided to be the bigger person and allow them to be the selfish individuals that they are ,and nurture the "relationship" between my girls and my in-laws.  I grin and bear it and know that when the time comes my girls will remember who was around and attentive when they were little. Remember what comes around goes around and they will be rewarded for their lack of attention by lack of attention. One day this man will be alone and want someone to "stop by to say hi" and guess who will not have time for him.

Answer 3

Not much you can do.  Unfortunately grandpa is the one that is really missing out.   Sooner or later your son will stop trying to interact with him when he gets the message that Grandpa couldn't care less.  If your son starts to ask why grandpa is like this then just explain that it is not your son's fault.  That some people are just not great with children and it has nothing to do with the child.  Your son will likely be fine with this explanation.  In the end the grandpa is the real loser in this situation.  Hopefully your father is a better grandpa to your son.  My dad's mother was somewhat like this.  She only seemed interested in interacting with us when company was around or if someone was taking pictures.  Sorry that you have to go through this though.

Answer 4

why do you need to do anything?  take a cue from your husband and stop expecting more than he's going to offer - accept him for who he is.