Unrealistic idea about love ?

Question

Well I've been kinda down for the past 2 days because I found out my gf is having a baby ...

Anyways to add insult to injury - my mother who tries to make me feel better says silly things like " One day you'll meet a guy better than that one ..and he's going to bring you love & happiness and buy you everything you want !"

I'm a 33 year old woman. I don't want some Santa Clause - a strange guy that pops up out of no where to cater to me. I got furious !! As if my life doesn't suck enough !!!!

Why are women brainwashed with these unrealistic ideas about love and the Prince Charming fantasy ?

NY Times did an article about how women who are not raised with the princess principles cope better with life's disappointments. Do you agree ?

Answer 1

Yes Jackie, sounds like you have a unique outlook. I agree with you.

Look around at the people in relationships, its sad. Many are living lies, cheating, fighting constantly and playing endless games.

Answer 2

Absolutely! When I was young, my mother put the very same ideas into my head too. So I grew up thinking very ideally. What a cruel set-up! I had visions and dreams of meeting a wonderful man and he would treat me so wonderfully that I'd believe everything in life was a fairy-tale. What a load of c**p! All my life I've had disastrous relationships with men because of this idealistic attitude taught to me. Fortunately, I grew up and devoted myself to educating my poor little brain about living in reality. That's part of why I chose never to have children. I wouldn't want to unconsciously inflict my idealistic views on an innocent human being.

Answer 3

Hello Jackie

As little girls we are shown a romantic pink fluffy version of love, we will grow, meet a perfect man & live happily ever after. So we wait & our expectations show up every fault that every man we meet has.

We expect to be treated like princesses, yet this does not happen, we meet men who are hormone driven or very real but we can't cope with the warts n all aspects, so we dismiss them.

Todays woman wants 2 things & they simply do not gel.

One is true love, the other independence. This need for independence makes us intolerable to another who also wishes to be put first, we cannot see that a true relationship is about that magic word Compromise.  We all want to be in control, true love cannot stay alive under such conditions.

Sadhara

Answer 4

exactly.

we should make Cinderella's story longer. Like, the Prince Charming cheated on Cinderella by secretly spending nights at her stepsister's. and then their marriage began to wreck, they went through hard times with the constant arguments which eventually led to divorce. Cinderella, who, by then already had 3 kids, had to become an independent single mother since Prince Charming won't be responsible. So a new chapter began on the ups and downs of Cinderella's life raising her kids up, financial problems, society's judging minds and prejudice perceptions, dating jerks, etc, etc...

then our kids will grow up with realistic ideas about love and marriage and will be able to tolerate disappointments, break ups and divorces better. not everyone lives happily ever after, after they get married.

Answer 5

The Princess Principles weren't part of

my life.  It's better to live life, connect

with someone, and see were it goes.

If it's not a good fit, move on.

Answer 6

It's not so much the stories of Cinderella and Prince Charming that are to blame, it's the "happily ever after" part that causes the problems.

If children were just taught that "happily ever after" includes washing dishes and doing laundry and mowing lawns and swatting mosquitos, it would be alright.

There really is a Prince Charming or Cinderalla for pretty much everyone, but what we have to realize is that before Prince Charming brings home flowers, someone had to plant them, and after he gives them to you, someone has to put them in water, and clean up when the petals start to fall off.

It's not the fairy tales themselves that cause the problems, it's the endings.  They just don't cover the full story.  

Answer 7

I would be inclined to agree. It just seems like you are setting yourself up for a disappointment because it may not happen. Did you see that movie with Sandra Bullock, While You Were Sleeping? There's the line where she says, Life doesn't always turn out the way you plan. I got married at 32. I'm 34 now. I do think it's a lot harder nowadays because of careers and just a more stressful/complicated life. I think greed has gone out of control. Some people are very selfish. I dated 2 great guys briefly because they got promoted and had to move away. I'm like, why. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent guy and then you take him away? I'm lucky that I found my husband. I have a friend who is having a hard time finding someone and she probably feels like you do.  Her younger sister is married with children. I know that she wants kids but that hasn't happened yet. Time is not on her side.

Society needs to stop with these erroneous messages. It is not helping women at all. We women need to be less hard on ourselves. There is so much out of our control.

edit: I like what others are saying on this too. If you have an ideal guy in your head than you need to quit that. It's makes it even more unlikely that you'll meet him. But for me, I just went for someone that I really felt a real connection with. Life is better with him than without. It's not perfect but it is great. You have to compromise or be less hard. I think it's good for the soul to do so.

edit: I think living life too if you are the confrontational type then you realize how different life is from any kind of fairy tale. If you are thinking that for you life will be different then you are setting yourself for a hard fall, potentially. It could work out but it's an awfully big risk.

Answer 8

It really depends on the person and how grounded they are.Everybody does have someone, somewhere, but they just might not meet them until it's too late.

Answer 9

Yes, I do agree.

It's not just women but men too. With them it is the winner syndrome.

We live in a celebrity driven society.  We love them, admire them, want to be like them, but it is not realistic.  Look at the Olympics: All the athletes are fantastic but just  few win the gold (or silver or bronze).  The rest go how almost in shame.  It's ridiculous.

Perhaps when you have children, you can work at raising them more sensibly.

Answer 10

It is never right or wrong whether you wanna be the princess type or not or any type you wanna be but each of those types come with different results.

Simply said that being a lil outgoing and open-minded will get you a partner sooner while being a picky one might take a lil while. But neither of these are right or wrong. So it is more of an individual choice.

I believe parents who raised their kids with those princess principles want the best for their kids and even if that didn't happen, they already put a faith and hope in the kids heart. Kids will grow up with ideal thinking of choosing the right partner. Which I think this is of course a way of having those kids making right decision when they grow up.

Sometimes being picky will get you the best one you can get. But again all these have its own result. There is no right or wrong being any of these types. That's how I feel. What do you think?

Answer 11

hahaha!

when i was young, my grandma always changed the end of fairy tales like that. they'd always end up with the chick leaving the guy to become an independent woman.

i don't know if it helped me at all, i guess it probably did, but it cracks me up. and i bet she'll do that to my kid too.

Answer 12

I don't think I was brainwashed as much as naive.  As much as I love my parents dearly and know I am lucky to have them as role models, it sucks to have grown up with them as an example of a "real" relationship.  Out of all of my friends, my parents were one of the only that were still married.  My parents have always gotten along fairly well and it was easy to see they loved each other.  My dad was sometimes very mean and verbally abusive but my Mother would just let it roll off her back and make excuses for him.  Everybody thought my family was perfect when it's obvious, every family has their problems.  I grew up thinking relationships are: you find a man who loves you and you love him, he may be mean but that's okay as long as you can get past it, and you'll be fine.  

In my first relationship, I almost died because of this.  I lost friends because I was working so hard to make this man I loved happy and he was very verbally abusive and that just made me try harder for his approval.  I figured this is the man I love, he tells me he loves me, we just need to resolve it so we can move past it, then we'll be fine.  I was under the impression this is how it worked.  I almost crashed my car head on into a tree after fighting with him over the phone, then I was late to work, speeding on a gravel road, etc.  No, not smart.  I have no idea what "real love" is supposed to be like.  It's seems rather unattainable in my life.  My dad has gotten much better in treating my Mother and now unfortunately, she is deceased, so we all sit around and miss her.  

As far as your Santa Claus comment, I've dated guys who are well off and not so well off.  The one guy I dated who was well off (and I'm not generalizing or stereotyping here people, that's why I said the 1 guy), was so ungrateful for everything.  My parents would do things to help him out and I don't think I ever heard him say the words "thank you".  He constantly spent beyond his means on himself and had no idea how to manage money.  He was quite lazy and it was like taking care of a baby.  I literally had to find him a job.  He was well off due to his parents but it wasn't going to last.  I'd rather date someone less fortunate who actually appreciates what it's like to work hard for money and is thankful for the things that have been given to him.

Answer 13

well, it depends on the person

Answer 14

Yes, I agree that women not raised with the "princess principles" cope better with life's disappointments. I think that women are susceptible to believing the princess myth because it feeds their ego and their desire for security at the same time. It's similar to men believing the "king of the castle" myth because it feeds their egos and their desire for control at the same time. In both cases, it's a set-up for disappointment.