Visits with their dad?

Question

I got divorced in July 2005. I got re-married to someone else in 2006 and I can't let go of the frusturation and c**p that my ex put me and my kid's through because he hardly ever comes to visit so my kid's are doing just fine and then 3 months later he will decide to visit them and then their emotions get all screwed up. How can i help them cope with this? They don't even seem to enjoy a visit with hi, because he talks to his wife during it, or he texts, sometimes he plays with them but hardly ever

Answer 1

you only hurt yourself when you keep letting the past interfere with you life

it is over so let it go and be sure he pays child support and follows the rules.

Answer 2

be stright forward with the jerk and tell him he is s******g up his kids by coming and going like that. Either he comes and stays in their lives or leaves it for good. Get them counseling if you think it will help.

My X does the same thing. I have had my kids in counseling several times until I told him he had to choose, stay or be gone. He now just calls once a week but doesn't see them. The kids perfer it this way. He can keep in touch with what's going on but if they don't want to talk, I don't make them. The counsling helped big time since I was left to deal with the aftermath and my kids learned to direct their anger towards their dad, not me. My oldest even told his dad to choose, stay or go because he was tired of ssing him hurt his brothers and sisters. (i didn't say a word about it, this was my oldest son's choice). Don't talk bad about your X no matter how much you want to. Just sit back and let the kids learn on their own what a jerk he really is. They see and hear more than we would like to admit, you might think your alone with someone when talking bad about him, but the walls do have ears, so be careful what you do say. Also, if the kids are seeing what he does first hand and comment on it, ask your kids how it makes them feel? Get them to talk about it and ask them what they would like to do about their dad? Then next time he does come, have them tell their dad when you are not around and let them know to make it clear that they came up with this and not you. (depending on how old the kids are). If you want to talk more, email or im me, can be found by clicking my avatar. wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

Fist of all, how old are your kids?  Are they old enough to say they don't want to have those visits?  If it makes them unhappy, they shouldn't be forced into this situation.