WHo knows some good jokes!?

Question

i'm so bored. i really need a good joke to make me luagh and make me feel better ,-_-

Answer 1

what do you get when you cross Lassie and a Pit bull.

A dog that will run for help after it bites your leg off.

Answer 2

your momma is so fat when she got a cut grease came out

Answer 3

what's the difference between a baby and a blender?

-I didn't smash my blender last week...

what' the difference between a baby and a basketball?

-a basketball comes back up when you dribble it...

Two blonds walk into a restaurant yelling "24! 24!" when they get to their seat they yell it again, "24! 24!" finally when their server comes to teh table she asks "what would you like to drink...and I have to ask, why are you shouting 24?

one of the blond's replies "we finished this puzzle in 24 days and the box says 3 to 6 years!"

Answer 4

2  blondes walked into a building

u would think one of them would have seen it

i thought it was funny

hope u do to

Answer 5

A man walked into a pet store and saw a beautiful parrot perched on an artificial branch. He reads the note next to the bird which says, "I can speak 5 different languages, I don't bite, and I am wonderful with people." The man says, "Hmm.. I wonder why no one has bought you yet."

And the bird replies, to the man's surprise, "Well, you see sir, I have no legs."

"No legs?!" Exclaims the man. "Then how are you perched on that branch?!"

"Well," replies the bird, "I wrap my private-part around the branch and I stay perched all by myself. It is quite easy actually."

The man was not at all disgusted by the bird's way of standing. So he took the bird home and they became great companions. So great, they talked about everything. Then, one day, the man came home from work, and the bird hurried him in the door with persistence in his voice. "Come here! I have to talk to you about what happened today! Hurry!!"

The man ran over to the bird, "What? What is it?"

"Well," the bird began, "it's your wife... You see, the milkman came to deliver the milk today and your wife answered the door in a very small nightgown."

"OH MY GOODNESS!! Then what?!"

"Well, the milkman dropped his milk everywhere and grabbed your wife.... sensually." The bird gulped.

"WHAT?!"

"Then he began kissing her passionately and picked her up and threw her on the couch... He took off her nighty and... um..." The bird stopped.

"THEN WHAT?!" Exclaimed the man.

"I don't know." The bird replied.

"What do you mean you DON'T KNOW!?!"

"Well..." The bird answered. "My d*** got hard and I fell off of the perch."

(Kinda long, but really funny.)