Wedding vs. house? ?

Question

Help!

I am engaged and have been with my fiance for almost 10 years. We

have been saving for a wedding/house for a year now and have put down deposits on a few things for the wedding. I want to have 60 or 80 people at my wedding but I have to invite 200 (150 of which are family). I have suggested an away wedding to my fiance, but he isn't into it and he also doesn't want to offend any family so we are stuck with the expense of a big wedding. The wedding is a year away and I

am afraid that the list might grow. There are about 35 out of "town-ers" too. also I always thought that we would ask for monetary gifts and use that money for a down payment on a house, but is this realistic? how do I have the wedding I want and money left over for a house (or unused money for a house)???

we have been told to expect about $5000 back for 150 guests (the number that I figure we will end up with). Is this realistic and if so I don't think that it is enough for a down payment for a house? (it will probably only cover the lawyer fees and commission). What do I do? my husband to be also won't budge on the traditional sit down dinner and he thinks that it is tacky to do a cocktail reception or a buffet style dinner. I need a solution and soon, since I may be able to get deposits back and such.

I am a very practical woman but I am not willing to wait another year, I feel that it is time to get married.

how do i deal with this problem>????????????????????????????????...

Answer 1

Elope and have a small aprty when you get back.  Just have your parents go to the wedding.

In the end the wedding will cost more then the gifts you get.  

Answer 2

You can’t ask for any kind of gifts. You can register for gifts, but you as a couple cannot broadcast that registry information. It gets shared in your shower invitations (obviously sent out by other people) and if anyone asks where you’ve registered, you can share the info. You can mention to your parents that if anyone asks them what you want, that they can tell those askers “money.” And yeah, I know that plenty of couples put registry info in their wedding invites, but that doesn’t make it an acceptable practice.

On the issue of a house. What “commission” are you talking about? Your buyer’s agent’s commission comes from the listing agent. It’s split between them so you shouldn’t have to pay anything to your agent. Various loan programs have differening down payment requirements, but even if you went with an FHA loan (3%) down that entire $5K would cover the down payment on a $166K house, never mind closing costs, earnest money, etc.

The biggest issue though is the vast differences between you & your future husband’s opinions on money.  These are the kind of issues you have to learn to compromise about now because neither of you will magically change your spending styles when you get married.  I would stress the concept of a marriage (you know, that thing you’ll both be part of for the rest of your lives) over a wedding (one day that costs too much). He’s all about the one day, where you’re all about the whole life.  This is something that warrants further discussion.

When you’re trying to save money you have to prioritize. Think about things you don’t need (favors, aisle runner, limo), places you can cut corners (Do you need floral center pieces?), things you can make yourself (DIY invitations can be beautiful & are insanely less expensive).   I, too, refused to have a buffet at my wedding. To make up for that, we kept our guest list small – just our closest friends, immediate family, aunts, uncles, cousins – and found a venue that was within our budget for our guest list size (about 75 ppl).

Answer 3

You write:  my husband to be also won't budge on the traditional sit down dinner and he thinks that it is tacky to do a cocktail reception or a buffet style dinner.

After 10 years, none of those potential wedding guests care about a traditional sit-down dinner.  After 10 years, your family would just be happy to know you are wed.  

So . . .

Tell fiance it is time to wed.  After 10 years, an elopement or a courthouse wedding is fine.  

If fiance still refuses to wed?  Then dump him.  You've already spent 10 years of your life on him.  Either wed now . . . or move on.  You deserve someone who wants to proceed forward in the relationship . . . not someone who wants to wait around forever.

  

I strongly suspect the traditional sit-down dinner is an excuse to avoid commitment.  If fiance truly loves you and wants to marry you, he would marry you however and whenever you like.  

Stop letting him use the traditional sit-down dinner as an excuse.  

And stop planning to be repaid by the guests.  That is totally tacky and not why one invites guests.  One invites guests out of an emotional attachment and a desire to share the happy occasion with them . . . not to see what one can get back.

Answer 4

If you want both in the same year then I would suggest you wait another year so that you can save more.  

Do not ask for monetary gifts for your wedding as that is very tacky.

You also have to decide how many people you can afford to invite to your wedding and then draw the line there - no acceptions.  

As far as your wedding goes seek out people in the family that can help with things such as food preparation, bouquets, etc. to help keep the costs down there.  

Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all, you can't ask for money as a gift.  As much as it would make it easier, it is tacky and against all rules of etiquette.

Second, create a budget and stick to it.  If the meal is the most important part then make that the focus of your budget and skimp on most other things.  The thing people always remember about a wedding is the food anyways.

Maybe you could ask your parents for some help, in lieu of a wedding gift?  

Just because you are getting married doesn't mean you need to move into your own house the minute after.  You can keep saving and buy a house a little later on..

Answer 6

You can do both hun :).  Get an FHA loan on the house, it only requires 3% down and often you can just roll that into to the loan.  I have both my wedding and my house.  We have a great interest rate and a decent payment.

Answer 7

A wedding is just a day  but a house is a good investment and is going to be your shelter for a long time.

I would say plan a simple wedding where you can accomodate both. You might just want to invite the closest family...not all 150. I heard of someone who had their wedding at a very upscale really nice place..beautiful wedding but kept the list to 60. This way she cut costs. This might be an option for you. Another is to do a bigger wedding but you might not go for the expensive caterer or sit down menu.

If family members feel upset cuz they werent invited have your mom or dad explain you guys are keeping it simple due to you are buying a house.

One piece of advice no matter what you do ...dont "expect" money especially $5000. THis way you will avoid disappointment if you dont get it, focusing on money instead of your wedding and consequently ruining the feeling of the event which is celebration..not what you will get in return.

Hope this helps..congrats!

Answer 8

I'm planning for a wedding with 120 guests. All of them, but except 10 people are my husband's family (i dont associate with my family) and we're doing the reception at a country club by the church. My total budget is $7000... that's pretty much where I'm at. I'm only 4 months away, and I'm just under a couple hundred with my budget, so I think I did pretty well.. We're having a very nice big wedding too, but you have to shop around for a while. Look into venues, get an idea for a price of the dress (include the bra/slip/shoes/dress alterations) just get a big rough idea on prices with everything...

I found other inexpensive things that look expensive for my wedding. i went onto a website (www.candles4less.com) went to a local craft store and some floral spray later- i got a candlight table with the perfect blue colored rose petals as a center peice. this cut down on flowers for each table (and the vases, etc) and it was cheap!

favors were only $50 for all 120 guests! we found organza bags in the baby section (white bags with blue ties) and we filled them with some cheap mints from the craft store and they tasted great! i also bought lil silver tags for $2 for 20 at the store with them too, and after some time, i had 120 favors for each place setting that looks like i specially ordered them :)   favors - guests never really pay attention to the favors, they take them home and either give them away or toss them.. or eat them and thorew away the bag- so don't spend TOO much on these...

cake- find local bakeries, look on their websites and get an idea for price for peice... go with basic cake with a filling... mine came out to about $2 per peice! and i found a great way to cut back on buying cake for 120 people... i got special ice cream from penn state (where we attend) and will serve that instead of cake! TRUST ME! it's sooooo much cheaper and hardly anyone eats wedding cake... my guests are soooooo excited for it.

look on invitation websites for deals - www.theamericanwedding.com has amazing invites, great prices, and if you sign up to recieve their offers and request some samples- they'll send you a coupon ;) saved lots on these!  also- i saved $50 cause i didn't get cards where our reception was to be held from them, i just found white paper at the craft store, printed the address for the reception out in little blocks, cut the squares out, and they looked super nice and the guests haven't noticed yet that they weren't made by the company ;)

just think of soooo many ways to save a dollar here or there, and trust me, you'll defientely figure things out when you limit yourself with a budget ;)   but don't shrimp on the important thigns!!!

get a photographer- you'll regret if you don't.

Answer 9

If you can't afford a big wedding don't have one. It's not worth starting a marriage off in debt for a party.

If you can't afford a house, it is not okay to request your guests help pay for it. It's actually not okay to request any type of gift at all, but money is the worst. Gifts are optional and should not be expected!

Answer 10

The average wedding costs about $25,000

And that doesn't include a bridal consultant planner bridal shower invitations bride groom hotel car rental ceremony reception band and musicians. Engagement ring gifts for each other gifts from guests honeymoon limo rental and videographer.