Weird relationship with dad?

Question

My non bio dad has raised me since I was 4 years old. At first he was loving kind& caring. We did have some problems in that he would appear to not fully accept the fact that I wasn't his natural daughter and this frustration would reflect in the way I behaved- eg, when playing with friends Id occasionally do something to spite one of them especially if they were male etc... also I had a problem with dancing in front of my parents from an early age too. Throughout my life I always hid my emotions from my parents especially happy ones as I can't stand the way they look at each other when they feel I'm happy. The problem tonight was that I told my parents that the television has taken over the household and my dad started shouting ''how dare you- its our house I'll do what I want'' ''do not tell us what to do'' ''your lazy, selfish, arrogant & smug!'' I realise he is a lot older than me but I really can't bare to be around him- everything about him annoys me. It can be the way he eats, to the way he breathes- it just really annoys me and makes my skin crawl. Does anyone know the physiological cause of this problem? Before anyone says I should be more mature etc... I'm trying to find a cause to the problem so that it can be resolved.

Answer 1

This is just a product of living at home. I've lived with my parents 3 different times and we never get along. When I live on my own the relationships are like a complete 180.  

Answer 2

You say that you feel he had some problems in not accepting you as his real daughter but deep down, you may have your own problems with not accepting him as your father.  It sounds to me nothing more than you are growing up and beginning to voice your opinions and frustrations - this can always cause friction between parents and consequently, family arguments.  The "so long as you are under my roof" line is used by parents across the land - natural or not!

I grew up in the same situation as you but with a step mother.  Having step/adoptive parents can sometimes cause problems but aside from that, I honestly feel lucky to have had the benefit of two parents.  Your father loves you but you are probably driving him as crazy as he is driving you!  

You are a growing adult living in the house not a child anymore and that always needs adjustment.  It will pass but in the meantime, try and look at his positive attributes - he must have some.  He bought you up as his own for starters.  

Answer 3

You don't give your age but I'll bet my bottom dollar that you are a teenager with hormones flying every where!

It'll pass in time and you will wonder what the fuss was all about!

Answer 4

he sounds like he over reacted, esp as that is a mature thing to say, about the TV taking over. You dont have to take what he says to heart though, he sounds like he knows that it is taking over, but cant stand the criticism. Also, in a few more years, u wont have to live under his roof. My dad used to use that line on me too "not as long as u live under my roof!!"...actually sounds like a pretty normal argument, although its often the parents saying the TV is taking over!

Id say, that it might not be to do with not having a biological link,he might just be a grumpy control freak, its might just be his personality when hes at home. Dont blame urself though.

Answer 5

I feel like there are a lot of hidden tensions about not being biologically related. It's like the elephant in the room, the unspoken topic. These hidden feelings come out in different forms and about different topics (like the television). Perhaps the fight wasn't REALLY about the television. Know what I mean? Sounds like group therapy with your mom, step dad and you would be amazing. They will help you get out any of these deep feelings. If you parents are opposed to therapy, talk to a guidance counselor at your school. They are there to help and this is such a perfect topic to go talk to them about. Hope everything works out! :)