What are some funny..

Question

jokes? that are along the lines of: Once I saw a vegetarian eating a banana. I asked her how would she like it if her skin was ripped off and she was eaten alive.

i want something a little like that.. and it needs to be funny.. lol.. obviously thanks! 8D

Answer 1

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "That is highly unlikely," says the doctor.

"Please, show me," So she takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. Then she pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so on and so forth.

Finally the doctor looks at her and says, "You're not really a brunette are you? You're really a blonde, right?"

She looks surprised and says, "Yes, Doctor!!"

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

======================================...

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"h**l no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!!!"

Answer 2

I'm a cave pig.

Answer 3

Here is a dead baby joke, What spins around and taps on glass...a baby in a microwave. Ha ha ha. :)

Answer 4

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a blonde?

There are things which even a blonde won't do...

Answer 5

Why was the Tomato blushing?

Because he saw the salad dressing.

joke 2

So there's these two muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "Oh man, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy cow, a talking muffin!"