What can this be - help?

Question

I suffer major depression and this has been effecting me for over a year. I am 15 and I'm on fluoxetine and risperidone. I haven't been on them for long and people keep telling me to just wait for them to work, but I don't believe they'll make a difference and I'm fed up of waiting. Some days I like the way I look, most days I absolutely despise it. I can see something beautiful in everyone except for myself, really. I have such low self esteem that it stops me going out and I feel insecure around people who I consider pretty. I am jealous of my best friend because I think she is very pretty, I hate myself for the way I look. I can't bear to look in mirrors most of the time. I am also paranoid, I think that people are staring at me thinking I'm ugly and I can't trust anyone.

When I go out, I feel as if everyone is looking at me. I sometimes go dizzy and see things blurry for no reason. I feel like people are talking about me or watching me and it makes me very nervous. I don't like going out with anyone because I feel scared around even my best friends and I feel as if I'm doing things stupidly e.g. walking and talking. It's having a big affect on me, I am staying in because I fear going out with people.

Do you think I have anxiety or some kind of social problem?

Answer 1

nobody is perfect,but we all have some pretty things about us.if you have brown eyes just think of them as hot fudge brown,if you have blue eyes think of them as summer sky blue,if you have green eyes think of them as lime green.if you have brown hair...

Answer 2

No, you have depression.

Wait for the d**n tablets to work - it took 3 years for me to be fully recovered - these things just don't work overnight.

Imagine you had a broken leg - would you expect plastering it to mend it by the next day?  Why should you think anti-depressants will.  If these ones don't work within 6 weeks, go back to the doc - there are lots of different tablets - you just have to find the right one for you.

Answer 3

Right, you don't say how long you have been on the medication but it can take a few weeks to get into the system and make any difference. The problem with depression is that it is sometimes not seen as an illness. Those who have suffered from it understand to well the c**p they have to take from those who think it is just a passing thing. I have suffered from depression since i was 15 (I am now 28) and still take medication. I am now on a lesser dose than i was in the beginning but i know that if i tried to come off it completely i would be a bit of a mess. Whilst i don't think that medication is the whole answer it can definitely help to see the wood for the trees in the first instance.

Have you had counselling? It might be worth seeing if you can see someone and see where the problems arose. It does help to talk and get more in depth into your thoughts of why you hate yourself so much.

You also sound like you are suffering from agoraphobia. This is classic in those with depression. Suffered it terribly for many years and still get times when i have panic attacks in very crowded places. It is the most unpleasant thing in the world when you think you suffer from these episodes and don't let anyone belittle you because of this. You are obviously in need of someone to talk to who understands. Friends are great but there is only so much they can do.

Don't give up on the medication, go back and see your doctor and explain how you are feeling. Any doctor worth anything should put you in touch with a counsellor. Its not about palming you off with drugs. they can balance the endorphins in you brain and level out the mood but ultimately will not change your thoughts. Please know that you are not alone and that there are ways to get out of this hole.

For a long time i believed that this world had nothing to offer and i felt continually in a dark void. Nothing could shake me from it. I felt worthless, ugly, paranoid etc i even stupidly started to cut myself and even overdosed. This is not the way to go. You are important and loved by family and friends and you deserve help. Please go and talk to your doctor and keep taking the medication. You may find you need to have the dose altered but they will only know it if you carry on taking it.

If you would like to talk or vent frustration send me an email. I do understand what it is like to be your age and feel so low. Please believe me when i say it does get better, just don't give up.

Answer 4

Hello,

First of all, please ignore anyone who responds in a patronising or inapropriate manner, they arent worth your time, or thought, and clearly dont know what theyre talking about.

I have also suffered depression since I was about 15, I'm 19 now and have been in and out of long periods of it, the most recent time, I finally went to the doctors and was prescribed antidepressants, (I tried a number of different ones including fluoxetine).  Personally, I don't think these drugs are the answer to your problems, I had almost identical problems at 15, absolutely detesting the way I looked, due to years of bullying due to my appearance, which lead to self harming and bouts of anorexia as well as severe depression.  The former, developing only once I had started taking antidepressants.  

In terms of feeling paranoid, its totally normal, its just that it affects some people more than others, even to the point of not being able to trust anyone, thinking everyone around you is judging you and thinks youre ugly, feeling dizzy etc.  For a very long time, I was so rediculously embarrassed about people seeing me, I wouldn't ever go out by myself unless I couldnt avoid it, I would feel sick if I saw anyone looking at me, and was often almost at the point of tears by the time I got home, because I was so convinced everyone who saw me was laughing at me for being so "ugly".  There is nothing wrong with you, what you're going through is very common, but there is most definately hope!

I found that things became a lot easier when you think about yourself less.  I dont mean this in a harsh way, because its very natural to be very internally thoughtful (if this makes any sense) as youre growing up.  But really it does work, concentrating on your friends and family more, developing and deepening friendships and relationships, and thinking about the bigger picture, is a big step in overcoming depression and the feelings youre having.  Drugs like antidepressants seem like the easy way out, but I really think you'd have a much better result, and ultimately a happier life, by gradually changing your way of thinking, perhaps by getting involved in something like charity work, or just spending more time with the poeple you care about most can make a big difference.

I really hope this helps :)