What is with these people?

Question

We live about 2 hours away from my in-laws, who travel up every couple of weeks to see our 10.5 month old. My FIL is very impatient...hates waiting, doesn't like coming here, etc.. My MIL NEVER comes by herself (she has 1 time since he was born), even though she used to come by herself before the baby was born. They never plan their trips and always arrive right when my baby goes down for a nap and then sit on the couch with FIL glaring and waiting until baby wakes up to spend 30 minutes with him before heading back home. Our baby is very predictable with his naps (which they know), yet they insist on heading our way whenever they feel. This weekend my husband called them in the morning and told them he would probably be waking up from his nap at about 12:30, his mom said they would call to let us know when they left. At 10:45, as I sit in my pajamas (yes, still), getting ready to put my son down for a nap, they pull into our drive. What is the first thing my MIL says as she walks in????? "He's had his nap already, right?" WHAT IS THIS ABOUT????????

Answer 1

Tell them you've started going to a mother and baby group and won't be home until X o'clock on the days they usually desend upon you. Or just tell them that you'll call them in the morning when he goes down, so they know what time to set off.

They sound pretty awful, and I'm very grateful for my inlaws right now!

Answer 2

I agree that this situation would be very irritating. They are obviously being inconsiderate of your family's needs.The upside is that they hardly ever come.  Because of this fact, I may accommodate them.  They are probably rationalizing it this way.  If it is only a 1/2 hr that they stay, just put him down after their visit.  If they begin to visit more often, however, you should put your foot down.

Answer 3

They expect you to revolve around them.  

Can you go visit them and put them on YOUR schedule?  

I wouldn't worry about it.  Just act sweetly and be a gracious hostess while they are there, chat and visit.  If they respond, fine, if they are angry, that is their problem, not yours.  Go about your business and let your husband worry about entertaining them while they are there.  Presumably they like to see their son too, right?

THis problem will go away as you ease off the nap schedules as your son gets older.

Answer 4

Ah, family...

You need to tell your husband to communicate with his parents. It shouldn't be left to you to keep them happy. Their his folks, get him to sort them out. Maybe a more direct approach is needed. Rather than implying that they should come at 12.30, say "Do not come until 12.30." And if they do come before that, say "You weren't supposed to come until 12.30, the baby is having a nap now, you'll have to wait to see him." And TS if they don't like it. you can't disrupt his routine just cause they can't follow instructions.

You could also try to be candid with your FIL, and ask him what all the glaring is about?

Don't worry about being in your pj's, so what if you haven't had time to get dressed, you're a mum now, and they weren't supposed to be there yet.

Their problem, not yours.

Answer 5

sounds to me like they cant tell time OR their clocks are wrong? :-)

Answer 6

Well your Mother-in-law probably makes your Father-in-law come whether he wants to or not because she thinks it's important for him to spend time with his grand child.

She's right, it is important, but if he's not comfortable around babies, and some people aren't, then he should really speak up and say something.

As for the timing, can't offer any reasoning there. I would say that maybe they do that to spend a bit of time talking with you, but it sounds like that isn't the case.

I don't know what to tell you accept maybe, with your husband backing you or making the request, to request that they don't come around until after 12:30. Give them some other excuse like mornings are a bad time as they are busy for the both of you and that after 12:30 things slow down.

Or offer to come to them every other week. That way he can nap in the car on the way and be awake for them when you get there.

Just and idea. It is your home after all.

Answer 7

Sounds like they expect you to cater to their whims in terms of when to put your baby down for a nap, which isn't something that should be expected of you.  Try discussing with them what times are acceptable for them to come by.  Put your foot down.