What should I do help?

Question

Me and my girlfriend (my?) have been together for 4 months. I'm 26, she's 19 and she has this male "friend" that she has known for 8 years who is 17 (Bob). She admits that when she was about 12 I guess she had a big crush on him. A situation occured:

All three of us and the male friends little brother came in from playing football and we watched a movie, she was very friendly towards Bob and she said oh let me get your favorite chair with a big smile on her face, later she kind of bulged her brest towards him and said duh to something he said. It was like they were the couple and duiring the movie she hardly looked at me.

I asked her today, she told me that yes she still has a little crush on him and think he's cute, but that she thinks I'm cuter and she "loves" me. Now I don't want her to come stay with me for a week like we had planned and I hate her. I'm not sure what to do.

Answer 1

Don't listen to these other posters.

Your jealousy is completely justified because she treated you with disrespect, sort of like a third-wheel incovenience. She's supposed to be your girlfriend, not Bob's. And the gall of her doing it in front of you - disrespectful!

She's already told you that she has feelings for Bob as well as you. That should tell you how indecisive, selfish and immature your girlfriend is. She has decided she can have BOTH of you because neither of you complained up to this point. She figures she can get away with being flirty and coy with both of you. I think you deserve better than that. And just because you bring it to her attention doesn't mean she'll stop. It seems you live far away and who knows whats going on behind your back.

If you continue with her, you'll always have to be on your toes about Bob. There'll be an insecurity within you that will nag at you even if they do something like talk. Your girlfriend is not likely to change her ways because there's a part of her that likes Bob. I personally think you should dump her and move on to another woman who can give you 100% unconditional love. Even if this isn't a serious relationship, you want someone who can respect you.

Another thing, she is silly by basing the relationship off who's cuter. What about personality? It seems she cares little of this seeing as how she disrespected you in front of Bob.

Don't invite her over to stay with you. She's probably having fun with Bob behind your back then coming over to have fun with you. Don't allow it. Even if she's not seeing Bob, the option is there because she has feelings with him. This is a no-win situation and you need to move on.

It will be difficult at first yes, but you're better off finding the right person. Call her up and tell her to find someone her own age (she's acting 15) and have fun with some other friends instead. I hope you can find someone who will care and love you the way you deserve.

Answer 2

I would say she still has a lot of growing up to do and needs her freedom.  You may be 26 and looking for someone to spend his life with, but she still needs to have fun and date different people.  This is a huge clue to you what she is like and you should be thankful you are seeing it before becoming really serious (4 months is not a long time in a relationship).  She still has feelings for Bob and has no problems flirting with him in front of you.  Just let her know that she needs to grow a bit more and you are looking for something more right now.  You need to date around your own age - there is someone your age looking for a committed relationship.

Answer 3

Jealousy is an ugly beast.

She is young, and she is apt to be flirtatious.  And...she may be using this to 'get your goat'.  I've dated several women who enjoy seeing 'their man' get jealous.

It's entirely possible, though, that the reason she didn't look at you is because she knew you would be angry.

None of this matters, of course.  If you 'hate her' for this, then you shouldn't see her any more.  

Answer 4

don't be jealous it makes a man look weak,maybe you are taking this relationship more seriously than she is, just have fun with her, i don't mean s*x but have a good time and see if it leads to anything, dont hate its ugly and you can never have enough friends.

Answer 5

There is a difference between unwarranted jealousy and reasonable jealousy.  IMO, your case is reasonable.  I'm definitely not saying that she would cheat on you, but it doesn't really seem (based on what you said) that she's really respecting you or your relationship.  You could tell her it makes you uncomfortable and see if she'd agree to not hang out with him, but for you to ask would be a bit controlling.  It really should be something she comes up with on her own, but given she still has a crush on him, it's very unlikely and you may end up having to break it off.

Answer 6

Give it time. You're young. Your girlfriend is literally a "girl." At 26, you might or might not be ready for serious relations. If so, have you thought about dating a women instead of a girl? The present GIRLfriend is still a teenager. Let her be one.

Answer 7

You hate her for telling you the truth? What's up with that at least she was honest with you and told you that she did have feelings for him, h**l she could have cheated on you and hid it from you, but here she is being honest to you and you get mad at her and hate her, maybe you should date someone your own age, if you don't want to be with her then don't be mean to her, or hate her, just plain tell I think we should see other people, and still be friends with her, that way she knows she can trust you and that you are not a typical man, you would be a gentleman....

Good Luck