What to do with this relatonship?

Question

I have been in a relationship for 4 years and it is perfect except for her son, he is 19 and totally disrespectful, ignorant, etc. She is a pushover parent that will give in to his manipulation and I absolutely DO not agree with it, the last 4 years have been very stressful and a couple weeks ago, this punk threatened me with a knife, I called the cops and he ended up going to court. Another problem is that her son is half African-American and have a lot of problems accepting certain behaviors, attitudes and ideas, we are to the point where we can't even live in the same house anymore. I am planning on moving to another state and I was wondering if the relationship could work this way or if I should just forget about it, I am very hurt and saddened by this situation.

Answer 1

Even if you move this child will still be in her life. Its something that she will have to get under control and you may very well have to move on. I was the same age when my dad started dating a women that just picked me for info. we had many problems and ended up in court also. My father still has her living with him. Its over 10 yrs later they are still not married but living together and I'm married and live in another state. This lady your with may never step up and move on.

Answer 2

I am sorry to tell you this. but ..I had 3 sons when I married my husband..we have been married 20 yrs now and all of them are grown and on their own.. they were 13,10,4.....I feel like its none of your business what her son does or how she handles him...he is hers. with the exception of maybe saving her from him if he gets to mad or something stupid like that..i never had that problem....you  have already ruined the relationship by fighting with her son....I would have already ended it with you over that long ago.... i would not continue contributing to this child's misery... or yours.or hers...I am sorry for your pain....but i  am  sure the boy feels even worse at some level...if you did not connect with him at 15  an he dislikes you enough now to pull a knife on you....I believe you may not have  been the greatest example to him...i may be wrong...i don't mean to offend you...just my experience...I am sorry for all 3 of you...

Answer 3

When you marry a person with a child, you're marrying the whole family.  If your girlfriend shares your methods/views of discipline and child rearing, this problem is temporary and her son will surely outgrow the behavior.  Disrespect and being a rebellion isn't unusual in kids age 14-22ish.  It's quite the time to wait, but they do become human again.  

If you're alone in your views, have no say in his discipline, or you're watching her enable her son, then you might consider breaking this off.  That's a much different recipe and will continue to play a role in your relationship.  It's also not likely to improve.  She's holds the reins as far as your involvement with her son.  If she doesn't use or welcome your views, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.