What was your reunion like?

Question

When I lost my sister I was 7 and she was 2. I spent 20 years missing and loking for her, but when we met is when the greif REALLY set in. Thats when I realized just how much I missed and she was all grown up. I guess I KNEW she was grown up, but I guess I was expecting someone who looked and acted like the BABY I remembered. I know it doesn't make sence, but has anyone else experienced after reuniting with a family member?

Answer 1

My reunion is still in it's infancy with my mother and father - even though it's been over 2 years. It's slow - but at least it's still here!

My reunion with the sister that was also adopted out - is amazing.

Yes - I totally get the grief and sadness over what could have been. I had no idea that it would be so intense.

It makes complete sense.

You're not alone.

ETA: after reading Rachael's response - I wonder if it is stronger for siblings losses?? As that's the losses I have felt the strongest so far.

Just got me thinking - that's all.

Answer 2

my reunion was great. we did more staring than talking, but thats ok, we have made up for it. i didnt have the grief you experinced. i think it is because we are two very strong personalitites. i guarantee we would have been miserable together for all those years. i wouldnt be surprised if we would have ended up one of the hostile unrepairable relationships.

but we didnt have that. i grew up and when i found her i was an adult with children of my own. we have a different kind of relationship. yes we are mother and daughter, but we are definitely best friends. we look at each other more as peers.

i am part of a story where adoption was the right choice, borderline necessary. the lives of my bparents back then was turmoil to put it mildly. to bring a baby into that would have been a disaster for all of us.

but they made their way and are wonderful stable people now. and i cherish every conversation and moment i get with them.

i hope you can work through your grief. all of this was out of your control. try not to waste another moment on remorse. celebrate what you have found.

easy for me to say i know.

best of luck with your sister and i hope you have many many wonderful years to come

Answer 3

I cried many tears of joy and relief for a very long time afterward, but only when I was alone. Most of that relief had to do with the fact that she was so well taken care of, some of it was that she didn't hate me, some of it was that I felt forgiven for what I had done. Lots of stares as she said, trying to figure out who she looked like as it was not me nor her father. That didn't fall into place until 4 months ago when we met her father and family. She looks like his sisters and his mother, oh my gosh does she look like his mother.There is no mistaking where she got her nose. As for thinking she would be younger, no, not on my part. I expected to find a grown woman and I did. I do understand what you are saying, but it was not my experience. But we had so little previous contact in fact no physical contact at all. You had 2 years with your sister it's normal to have those feelings. Like when I see my cousins or nieces and nephews after so long. I hardly recognize them.

Answer 4

My reunion was amazing. It really never felt like I was meeting someone for the first time. It felt more like seeing someone I had  been out of touch with for years. In spite of that it was very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that this woman was my mother. It took a while to really get that part.

When I last saw my son it was horrid. Part of me just stood and stared at this 7 year old who was a part of me and wondered "how?". In my eyes he was still 2. I guess that until we are fully reunited and I get to know him as a "big boy" he will always be 2 in my mind.

Answer 5

I get what you mean.  My reunion has been wonderful.  It's one of those reunions everyone hopes will happen.  We're all quite happy.  But, yes, my dad (natural) took a little time to totally integrate the fact that I wasn't a toddler anymore like when he last saw me.  Although, he still sometimes says, "You're a good girl."   But, parents say that kind of thing to the kids they raised, too, right?

I remember part of me thinking in my mind that I was going to meet a guy in his early 20's, even though I knew he'd be in his 50's.  Even so, a part of me was surprised to see a middle-aged man standing before me.

I'd say that the 1st year or so I went through a LOT of emotional "stuff."  It took a while, because there was a lot to sort out.  Now I'm glad I was willing to go through the grief, because the healing -- for all of us -- and the relationship we enjoy it worth it.